One look can break your heart

[poignantlove]

Yay my car wasnt that bad off, just needed a new bolt on a tire, and I can actaully afford it and still have some money until thursday. The only bad part is I have to go to work, but get out of an hour at least anf the girl has horseback riding so I wont have to strees about what were gonna do and how much shes not gonna listen to me. I didn't take it personally on friday when she said "why are you here?". "where did you come from, who brought you here.?",at least she talked to me more at the end of friday it wasnt all just "rumbly grumbly". of course she doesnt even know me, and wondering who the fuck is that bitch?, trying to tell me what to do who doesnt even know me. Im not gonna lie i wish they had put me with an "easier" person, like a down syndrome or something. and according to my aunt whos been in this field for 20 years said teenage girls are the hardest. I wonder if other new employees worked with her. I guess that family just happened to be the 1st family that wanted a sitter...and they got me the one that DOESNT HAVE A FUCKING CLUE WHAT THEIR DOING..well maybe a little but on the inexperienced side I have to say.I get the worst butterflies before work, feel that soup trying to come up..still normal I tell myself Ive only been there 3 days. Im trying not to get discouraged, gotta give it a month at least, as I fantasize about other jobs, like working in a music place, or animal place, like a zoo like my grandmother or on a farm..Its not that I don;t like kids, their cute and everything, well some, sometimes when I hear a toddler having a full-fledged temper tantrum in a store I roll my eyes , doesnt make me a mean person just a bitch I guess. Im not gonna lie, hmm sounds like my Dad,,. but Its like I dont have that way that some people have , that are excellent with kids ..Shelley...when they act around them, and the kids instantly love them. It comes out with animals, but its like silenced with most children, Ive had those few moments but their very short-lived, its like all i can do is stare at them and go "awww" or they'll like me for a second, maybe ill ask them a question they like or something, and then it all goes downhill. Children are more complicated then animals, in my head its like comparing a crossword to a wordsearch, crosswords were always easier to me, not both. Challenges are part of life, lifes not fair, they were totally right about that.
Gezus, hopefully today goes ok and I dont piss Mom off, I think I started to on friday because I let her daugher Elizabeth have a big snack, a big no no. To her a normal snack is one little granola bar, ha..just a matter of disagreement I guess, just gotta do what im told, instead of fucking up purposely, ha like it would be hard. She probably already has a barage of negative things to say to my boss., so she'll get rid of me..thats not right, and dishonest. If it comes down to it, ill just tell my boss I can;t go to her house anymore, she already made it so I dont have to go everyday at least just three days.
I hope I find something I like before I die, hopefully a pleasant death. I dont think im that picky, just impatient as all hell...weakness.

Cant wait to see my homies again tonight, its such a great thing hearing "ill call you tommorow"....i.e the sugar of life.