(no subject)
I am so tired of living in this dysfunctional household. Everytime I turn around there is something wrong. The problem is that instead of actually solving anything they put a band aid on it and then it continues to grow and fester.... and the next thing you know its WWIII around here. The thing I hate the most is the strain that it puts on mine and my mom's relationship. Kenn is trying his damndest to drive a wedge in between my mom and I.... because if shes mad at me then she confides in him thus reducing the risk that she gets mad at him. Some of the stuff that he does is just ridiculous but its never his fault. He is the most self righteous person I have ever met. He will blame every problem in his life on someone else. How he can possibly justify these notions even in his own head let alone to other people, is beyond me. I know its hard for people to admit when they are wrong, myself included, but to go through your entire life never taking responsibility for your position in life or your actions shows a lack of maturity. I try to rise above all of the crap that floats around here but it's hard when the tension is so thick. Not to mention that Kenn is always trying to make me look like the bad guy. It's always my fault when something goes wrong.... or he always tries to make me look like the bitch. For instance, yesterday I had been running errands all day and I hadn't eaten so when I came home I went straight to the kitchen to get something to eat because I felt like I was going to pass out. He comes in kitchen and is like WHAT THE FUCK IS YOUR PROBLEM??! I was like nothing I just haven't eaten all day. So after that every little thing I did I was being pissy. After I got a snack I started making stuff to go with dinner, so I really wasn't around him that much until we sat down to eat... I sat down and took a deep breath and he starts yelling at me "I don't know what the fuck your problem is but if you don't knock it off we are going to go round." Excuse me are you my father? Nope... last time I checked I only needed one piece of crap in my life claiming to be my father. There are times when it's so hard for me to bite my tongue when I hear him say things to my mom, but I know it will only make things worse if I say something, and that I'm never going to get through to him because he will never take responsibility for anything or recognize that there are things that need to be worked on. I just wish everything could be ok for once, even if its only for a day. I just want ONE day where nothing is wrong. I realize thats impossible but I can dream can't I?