good morning.
sitting. at the university. in the Memorial English Student Society room.. gonna read. just read. for three hours. want to create something myself. want to write a story. write a paragraph. write a word, a word no one's thought to write in a while. write it differently. eat out your eyes. they're looking like creamsicles once again. but I won't eat out your eyes. can hardly look at them. simply read. it's good though. better than not reading. better than sitting at the computer. maybe. want to write about the truth about fate. the truth about time. the truth about me and you. only truth. want to sit around at look at beauty in the trees. at the birds. the ants. maybe some fish. and see beauty.
Why would I want to do this? animals aren't beautiful. fish are ugly, bug-eyed scaly creatures who do hardly anything escept eat bugs all day. I'm not closer to nature by sitting down and taking in the beauty. other animals don't sit down and dream about the beauty of nature. they just eat and look for sex. eat and look for sex. eat and look for sex. Why should I feel better about myself and nature to just look at it. I need to be a part of it, so that it is simply natural for me to be there. with it. Not pondering over how I wish I could see all the colours, and paint it, or write it. I should just run to the woods. eat and look for sex. Of course then I wouldn't be realize how close I am to nature. I couldn't realize how great and smart I am because I have become part of nature, whereas everyone else hasn't. They're all too civilized for that. But where's the fun if I'm too stupid to know that I've beat them all by looking at the simple things. damn it all. and there won't be any sex for me in nature, unless with other species' and that would be unnatural. There must be another way to beat them. and realize it. and love it. I'm a greedy son of a fuck.
Why would I want to do this? animals aren't beautiful. fish are ugly, bug-eyed scaly creatures who do hardly anything escept eat bugs all day. I'm not closer to nature by sitting down and taking in the beauty. other animals don't sit down and dream about the beauty of nature. they just eat and look for sex. eat and look for sex. eat and look for sex. Why should I feel better about myself and nature to just look at it. I need to be a part of it, so that it is simply natural for me to be there. with it. Not pondering over how I wish I could see all the colours, and paint it, or write it. I should just run to the woods. eat and look for sex. Of course then I wouldn't be realize how close I am to nature. I couldn't realize how great and smart I am because I have become part of nature, whereas everyone else hasn't. They're all too civilized for that. But where's the fun if I'm too stupid to know that I've beat them all by looking at the simple things. damn it all. and there won't be any sex for me in nature, unless with other species' and that would be unnatural. There must be another way to beat them. and realize it. and love it. I'm a greedy son of a fuck.