alienation from the self
it's been almost a year since i last wrote a song for death by tampon. it's been over 6 months since i last felt the adrenaline rush of playing music created by 5 equally eccentric grrls to an estrogen-deprived music scene. now, feelings of alienation from an adored aspect of my self are intensified as i listen to the 5 song demo we recorded some ages ago. i never sang along to our songs when i would listen to the demo. i would listen to it technically, agonizing over what was lacking in the recording that failed to give justice to the song, or taking note of how clean (or dirty) the guitar harmonics were in a certain progression. now, i'm listening to our demo like a sixth-party. it's as if i was a band-civilian, singing-along like i would to my favorite songs from foreign bands like pretty girls make graves, but not being a part of the creative process. i felt shivers and goosebumps when i heard the clean guitar lines, eclectic rock grooves & girlish voices and remembered that hey, this is us. i was a part of that, a part of something special and a bit revolutionary (at least here in the realm of our 7,107 tropical islands). and it belongs to us. it's ours, a part of who we are, and no one can take it away, steal or truly imitate it. i also realized that no one can bring it back and give it life but us.
yes, for a time i have been alienated from a part of myself, a part which i adore and wish to revive. but i'm reminded that the music is still there, it's still mine for the taking. it's still there to challenge my creativity, valor and spirit. i can only hope that my comrades, my beloved friends from death by tampon, would still like to join me in reuniting with the self that i lost.
yes, for a time i have been alienated from a part of myself, a part which i adore and wish to revive. but i'm reminded that the music is still there, it's still mine for the taking. it's still there to challenge my creativity, valor and spirit. i can only hope that my comrades, my beloved friends from death by tampon, would still like to join me in reuniting with the self that i lost.