sick boy
i feel so bad. hes been sick all week and i couldnt even do anything for him. ive never been to his house, so i couldnt just go over and see him. i only have his cell phone number, so when he was asleep i couldnt call his house to check on him. how sad, i wanted to be there for him. hes not thinkin anything of it, and hes happy that im not all mad or got crazy that he was ignoring me or something. i knew he was sleeping, and that he would have tried to talk to me if he wasnt. he finally went to work yesterday, and i talked to him over the radio and by phone for work stuff, but i never even saw him. he said he saw me goin into pasta's at one point, but i never saw him. how sucky! i miss him. he called me when i was about to leave and i talked to him from my office for a lil while, but he was still workin and i had to leave. he called me later around 930 when everything was closed and we talked for a lil bit while he finished up at work. he told me he missed me so many times. it feels good to hear that. of course i said it back just as many times. comin from a relationship where i never heard anything like that, it really is nice and makes me smile. i'll see him when i go into work today. its cool cuz i dont wonder or worry about what hes doin, cuz when i start to, i remind myself that hes not garett, and that he really cares for me as much as i care for him. i guess he picked a good week to get sick at least. we have completely opposite schedules so we wouldnt have had hardly any time to see each other outside of work, or even at work for that matter. we'll see how late we get stuck at work 2nite, maybe we can hang out or go to starbucks or something after.
those 3 words dance on the tip of my tongue. i think i had a dream last nite that i actually told him. that, or i daydreamed that i did. im starting to confuse whats reality because i think about it so often. its not time tho. thats why i hold back. not that there is a time limit, but even tho ive known him as long as i have, its still too soon. its nice tho. i have that comfort that he's gonna be around for a while. not like any of the other guys ive tried to date or got close to since garett. i feel so good about this, even when i dont feel so good cuz we're apart. i still have my worries about being too much... but then everytime i mention it to him, its not like that at all. i never realized how i'd lived in fear of being rejected so much. that is not a healthy relationship. no wonder i couldnt trust him. no wonder i could never tell him how i felt. everything i said and did was criticized in his head. nothing was ever said. i talked to garett last nite and he was touchin on how hes kinda over it w/ his gf now, but hes not sure and hes not gonna say anything until his is. i told him thats the whole problem. he needs to talk about things to find out the truth. im definitely not tryin to break him and his girl up, cuz there's nothing there that i would get out of it, but if nothing, might as well help him make a good decision about it. he should talk about it w/ her and maybe its a misunderstanding or something they can work out. he just wont even give it that chance. that was the problem with us. he doesnt communicate, so after the girl holds it togther as long as she can, then it finally falls apart and its over. i told him thats all i would have ever wanted... better communication.
with that said, though, im so happy im out of that relationship. all the heartbreak and hardship he caused me, and for nothing. i learned a lot at least. the best thing i learned was how to move on, and hold out for a good guy. im really feelin it for andrew. i wish it wasnt such a hush hush thing at work, but its out there for people who are ok to know, and its kept professional with those who dont. i really really really like him. i miss him. i'll see him at 2pm. i hope no one's around so i can get a hug. sucks that an innocent hug has to be in confidence, but its better this way. i dont want any drama. he doesnt either.
<3
those 3 words dance on the tip of my tongue. i think i had a dream last nite that i actually told him. that, or i daydreamed that i did. im starting to confuse whats reality because i think about it so often. its not time tho. thats why i hold back. not that there is a time limit, but even tho ive known him as long as i have, its still too soon. its nice tho. i have that comfort that he's gonna be around for a while. not like any of the other guys ive tried to date or got close to since garett. i feel so good about this, even when i dont feel so good cuz we're apart. i still have my worries about being too much... but then everytime i mention it to him, its not like that at all. i never realized how i'd lived in fear of being rejected so much. that is not a healthy relationship. no wonder i couldnt trust him. no wonder i could never tell him how i felt. everything i said and did was criticized in his head. nothing was ever said. i talked to garett last nite and he was touchin on how hes kinda over it w/ his gf now, but hes not sure and hes not gonna say anything until his is. i told him thats the whole problem. he needs to talk about things to find out the truth. im definitely not tryin to break him and his girl up, cuz there's nothing there that i would get out of it, but if nothing, might as well help him make a good decision about it. he should talk about it w/ her and maybe its a misunderstanding or something they can work out. he just wont even give it that chance. that was the problem with us. he doesnt communicate, so after the girl holds it togther as long as she can, then it finally falls apart and its over. i told him thats all i would have ever wanted... better communication.
with that said, though, im so happy im out of that relationship. all the heartbreak and hardship he caused me, and for nothing. i learned a lot at least. the best thing i learned was how to move on, and hold out for a good guy. im really feelin it for andrew. i wish it wasnt such a hush hush thing at work, but its out there for people who are ok to know, and its kept professional with those who dont. i really really really like him. i miss him. i'll see him at 2pm. i hope no one's around so i can get a hug. sucks that an innocent hug has to be in confidence, but its better this way. i dont want any drama. he doesnt either.
<3