Something's missing
When I was in tenth grade my mother bought me the worst gift in the entire world.
The thing to understand about Mary Kay Grewe is that although she means well, she has a tendency to be very lame and a tad bit over zealous when in comes to religion. Not that we have crosses on our walls, or a year round nativity scene in our living room or anything like that. However, she does like to browse around in stores with names like Limestone’s, Christian Gifts, and Shop Here, Or You Will Be Damned To Hell Just Like All Of The Other Heathens!! One day while shopping at Limestone’s (which was right next to Auntie Anne’s Pretzels, remember Auntie Anne’s pretzels! Goddammit those were good pretzels) she came across a rack of polished stones with words written on them i.e. Faith, God, Understanding, etc. and she bought some of these stones for my siblings and I. In my mother’s thoughtfulness she decided to get stones that said something that we lacked, the stone she bought for me of course said, “Confidence.” I think the idea was if we lacked this certain trait and we carried it around in rock form it would somehow manifest itself.
The morning after my mother bought these, ahem, “magic” rocks she gave them to us, just before we left for school. Being the good children that we were, we stuck them in our pockets and headed on our way. I definitely remember seeing BJ chuck “Jesus” out the window - which he lacked Big Time - just as he was speeding out of the driveway. I decided to wait until I got home so that I could at least leave it on my dresser for her to notice while she was cleaning my room (searching for weed), so that she would know the gift didn’t go to a complete waste.
After school I had basketball practice, and while changing my clothes the “Confidence” rock fell out of my pocket unbeknownst to me. After practice one of the seniors, Mike Post, found my rock of self-assurance and asked, laughingly, to whom it belonged? My first thought was, why did I tell Evan about the rock?! And my second thought (following Evan’s willing answer to Mike’s question) was, Goddammit Evan you backstabbing Motherfucker!!
Mike and the rest of the guys gave me a bunch of shit, for a really long time.
“Hey Marcus can I borrow you confidence rock?”
“You probably should have had your rock for those free-throws you missed that lost the game.”
“Marcus Grewe you are a fag!”
Actually, that last guy didn’t actually know about the rock, he just didn’t like me. Eventually though, the rock was forgotten about, and they started making fun of the guy who wouldn’t shower instead.
Anyway, I guess what I am trying to get at, what I’m really trying to say is…
I lost my Confidence rock, and if you see it, I would like it back.
Feeling a bit timid,
Marcus
The thing to understand about Mary Kay Grewe is that although she means well, she has a tendency to be very lame and a tad bit over zealous when in comes to religion. Not that we have crosses on our walls, or a year round nativity scene in our living room or anything like that. However, she does like to browse around in stores with names like Limestone’s, Christian Gifts, and Shop Here, Or You Will Be Damned To Hell Just Like All Of The Other Heathens!! One day while shopping at Limestone’s (which was right next to Auntie Anne’s Pretzels, remember Auntie Anne’s pretzels! Goddammit those were good pretzels) she came across a rack of polished stones with words written on them i.e. Faith, God, Understanding, etc. and she bought some of these stones for my siblings and I. In my mother’s thoughtfulness she decided to get stones that said something that we lacked, the stone she bought for me of course said, “Confidence.” I think the idea was if we lacked this certain trait and we carried it around in rock form it would somehow manifest itself.
The morning after my mother bought these, ahem, “magic” rocks she gave them to us, just before we left for school. Being the good children that we were, we stuck them in our pockets and headed on our way. I definitely remember seeing BJ chuck “Jesus” out the window - which he lacked Big Time - just as he was speeding out of the driveway. I decided to wait until I got home so that I could at least leave it on my dresser for her to notice while she was cleaning my room (searching for weed), so that she would know the gift didn’t go to a complete waste.
After school I had basketball practice, and while changing my clothes the “Confidence” rock fell out of my pocket unbeknownst to me. After practice one of the seniors, Mike Post, found my rock of self-assurance and asked, laughingly, to whom it belonged? My first thought was, why did I tell Evan about the rock?! And my second thought (following Evan’s willing answer to Mike’s question) was, Goddammit Evan you backstabbing Motherfucker!!
Mike and the rest of the guys gave me a bunch of shit, for a really long time.
“Hey Marcus can I borrow you confidence rock?”
“You probably should have had your rock for those free-throws you missed that lost the game.”
“Marcus Grewe you are a fag!”
Actually, that last guy didn’t actually know about the rock, he just didn’t like me. Eventually though, the rock was forgotten about, and they started making fun of the guy who wouldn’t shower instead.
Anyway, I guess what I am trying to get at, what I’m really trying to say is…
I lost my Confidence rock, and if you see it, I would like it back.
Feeling a bit timid,
Marcus