(no subject)
When Leader-1 showed up I wondered if people were just nice to me because I look like a little kid. I thought maybe it wasn't a good thing. I expect people not to like me when they find out what I am... and it was confusing that they didn't care about that.
So why does it hurt so much now?
I've never been alone. I don't know how to be. There's always been someone there to tell me things. I can't take any more of this. I came to the Nexus and everything changed... people were telling me that everything I knew was wrong and I was just... so confused and I couldn't go back... Maybe I shouldn't have listened. It's... a pretty daydream to think my brothers could get away too. That we could all be a real family someday. But... it won't happen. If anything else, we weren't designed for that.
I was really good at pretending though. I.. think I actually believed it. At least, when I was home.
I wish Enker were here. He'd be able to explain things. I... don't think I'd care whether it's true or not... as long as it makes things seem ok.
And now I can't go home... again.
When Punk and Ballade tracked me down in the Nexus... they wanted to 'rescue' me from the 'mess' I'd gotten into by not going home. And I didn't want to go... I.. had someplace I belonged.. maybe.. I... didn't want to leave, even if there would have been some way I wouldn't have been destroyed if I went back.
I don't even know if it would be right to help them now. Even if I could find a way to get the Laws out of their programming... and I don't know if I could alone... there's no place for us to go now. Not really. They still have a place. And... they'll be ok, even if he sends them back to the Gallery... they'll be safe.
I don't belong anywhere anymore. There are places I can go, but that's not the same as belonging there.
I want to go home.
So why does it hurt so much now?
I've never been alone. I don't know how to be. There's always been someone there to tell me things. I can't take any more of this. I came to the Nexus and everything changed... people were telling me that everything I knew was wrong and I was just... so confused and I couldn't go back... Maybe I shouldn't have listened. It's... a pretty daydream to think my brothers could get away too. That we could all be a real family someday. But... it won't happen. If anything else, we weren't designed for that.
I was really good at pretending though. I.. think I actually believed it. At least, when I was home.
I wish Enker were here. He'd be able to explain things. I... don't think I'd care whether it's true or not... as long as it makes things seem ok.
And now I can't go home... again.
When Punk and Ballade tracked me down in the Nexus... they wanted to 'rescue' me from the 'mess' I'd gotten into by not going home. And I didn't want to go... I.. had someplace I belonged.. maybe.. I... didn't want to leave, even if there would have been some way I wouldn't have been destroyed if I went back.
I don't even know if it would be right to help them now. Even if I could find a way to get the Laws out of their programming... and I don't know if I could alone... there's no place for us to go now. Not really. They still have a place. And... they'll be ok, even if he sends them back to the Gallery... they'll be safe.
I don't belong anywhere anymore. There are places I can go, but that's not the same as belonging there.
I want to go home.