Tyrant fanfic: Unspoken Words
Acknowledgement: The characters found in this story are the sole property of Takanaga Hinako. I just hope that she could forgive me what I have done with them if she would know about it. Sorry, Sensei.Title: Unspoken Words
Author: pofika
Warnings: Blood, broken bone, some bad language, mild erotic narration, and if “sentimental” is a warning then ( Read more... )
First, I must tell you that I’ not really the best person to critique. If there’s noting wrong with a story I just tend to write that I liked it or something like that and that’s the end. If it was quite good but did not caught my attention I (shame on me but…) don’t leave a comment at all. It might be a good story or a bad one that didn’t put me in the mood to comment. There are also stories that are bad (or have a good plot but are badly written) and make me see red. I tend critique them very harshly sometimes. XD (Afterwards I feel bad for the people I told my mind to but there are just to many bad stories and if a person wants to write they will just better themselves either way)
So if something didn’t annoy me in a story (making me critique it intently) then that means the story’s not bad. XD
I’ll try to write a reasonable comment for you now. XD
You’re story’s not bad. XD The character act IC and that’s something I like. I also like stories filled with emotions so it was pleasurable to read this fic. The story captivated my attention, which is good. I was wondering when Souichi’s gonna break Morinaga’s nose so it was fun reading this. XD
I liked the beginning very much. Even knowing that they had a fight I still read the part in the garden with a smile. It had such a peaceful atmosphere. ^-^
I liked how That Souichi noticed the changes and was not happy was something very IC for him. XD
There was one thing that put a damper on my happiness after reading this story. You probably shouldn’t pay much attention to this and I wouldn’t even mention it if you hadn’t requested a comment. Here it is: Why twenty years in the future? Why make them old (well, they would be about 45-50 so not that old but still why not somewhere nearer to the actual manga?)? It puts so much nostalgia and makes the story a really sad one in the end. Souichi hadn’t told Morinaga about his feeling for so many years? It puts a bitter aftertaste in my heart after reading it . I understand that Souichi’s not gonna be all that eager to admit his feelings but I don’t believe Morinaga would let him hold out for so long. He is kinda impatient when it comes to Souichi and tends to push him for confessions.
Maybe it’s just me that think that way. But it might help when you decide to write another story.
And I thought too about Tatsumi teaching. XD That might be really something fun to write about. XD
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Thank you so much for taking the time and comment.
I understand what turned you off, the story really goes further in the future, but you have to blame yourself for that :-) It was a sentence from your “What are you thinking” story which inspired my story, in chapter 18 when you wrote:
“Even so, the progress was so slow that Morinaga sometimes wondered if he would hear Senpai’s confession before they grew old and wrinkled.”
And of course Takanaga-sense is to “blame” as I knew she will not make Tatsumi say the words that I thought things could easily go the way I wrote about it.
Plus, I was unexplainably sad that time which effected my state of mind and ended in a nostalgic kind of mood in the story. (I’m working on a funny one now, if I can ever pull it of.)
I was thinking to stop writing, and just enjoy the thoughts of those who can do it fluidly, but to my surprise I enjoy writing, and it also gives me a fun way of practicing English-and as long as I get some positive feedback.
Thanks again for your lovely words and constructive comments, I appreciate your attention.
Now, I’m going to hurry and continue reading the new 19th chapter of your vampire fanfic I waited for so long! *-*
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