Geez.....
She's still beautiful... Still so beautiful it makes me cry. I miss her. I miss her like the stars might miss the sky if it just suddenly.. Suddenly left them. Perfection is within all of us. It is an opinion of others. You might find one person perfect, while others find them very much not. To me, Cynthia was perfect. So god damned perfect. Why? Why did... DO... Why do I love her so much? why Can I not make her some fucking passing thought. I look at her picture and pull back, with some sharp, cutting string... Pull those tears till I swallow them. Never let them go. never let them fall again.
And now. Now, then one girl... woman.. The one woman I care about.. Her eyes are not for me.. Not even turned in my direction. I want to tell her she is beautiful.. That I am so very fond of her.. And that I wish she felt the same towards me. But instead.. the worst. I have to watch others, those she truly loves, step all over her... Make her cry and scream and... And all those things I want to take away... I hate it.. I hate it so much that it leaves a bad taste in my mouth.
Why me? As far as love and caring is concerned, why me? I mean, my dumb ass is attracted to my own sex. I hate that.. I hate that a lot. I can tell that I like women a lot more by how selective my tastes are. I find zack, brian, so many guys attractive.. I like them all. I want to date them all... But.. women.. I am never attracted to more than one. For the longest I didn't care about any other woman... Only Cynthia.. Only her... Her... And now... Look at me.. Pathetic. I don't know what to do... Except do nothing at all. Shitty, huh? I hate it. Because it doesn't matter at all that I care about her the way I do. At least, if it does, I don't know it. I want to give her flowers, ya know? Stuff that should be done for her. But no. I have to be a good little girl... I need to grow a pair.. But not in this situation. I'd get my ass beat.
Si it's hopeless, I am just whinning about something I can't change. Don't mind me.. I'm just stupid. Wish i could fix myself, but nothing is really broken. Save my timing.. Which is always bad. Damn it, Damn it, Damn it....
V
And now. Now, then one girl... woman.. The one woman I care about.. Her eyes are not for me.. Not even turned in my direction. I want to tell her she is beautiful.. That I am so very fond of her.. And that I wish she felt the same towards me. But instead.. the worst. I have to watch others, those she truly loves, step all over her... Make her cry and scream and... And all those things I want to take away... I hate it.. I hate it so much that it leaves a bad taste in my mouth.
Why me? As far as love and caring is concerned, why me? I mean, my dumb ass is attracted to my own sex. I hate that.. I hate that a lot. I can tell that I like women a lot more by how selective my tastes are. I find zack, brian, so many guys attractive.. I like them all. I want to date them all... But.. women.. I am never attracted to more than one. For the longest I didn't care about any other woman... Only Cynthia.. Only her... Her... And now... Look at me.. Pathetic. I don't know what to do... Except do nothing at all. Shitty, huh? I hate it. Because it doesn't matter at all that I care about her the way I do. At least, if it does, I don't know it. I want to give her flowers, ya know? Stuff that should be done for her. But no. I have to be a good little girl... I need to grow a pair.. But not in this situation. I'd get my ass beat.
Si it's hopeless, I am just whinning about something I can't change. Don't mind me.. I'm just stupid. Wish i could fix myself, but nothing is really broken. Save my timing.. Which is always bad. Damn it, Damn it, Damn it....
V