Last night was the most fucked up night EVER
Last night was, by far, the weirdest most screwed up night since the breakup.
I bought a bottle of red wine on my way home. Fuck it, I thought. I want some wine!
Linda came home. She'd already been drinking, but wasn't trashed. We both had a few glasses. This is what ensued:
FIGHTING. SCREAMING. CRYING. SHIT GETTING THROWN. FUCK YOU. NO FUCK YOU! CRYING. NAME CALLING. MORE SCREAMING. MORE CATTINESS.
I'd only had two glasses of wine. Linda thought I was drunk, but I wasn't. Then I had a few tokes off my bong because I was a total mess and needed to calm down. The exact opposite happened.
I calmed down all right. I told Linda how afraid I'd been of my own doubts and fears about our relationship. Now I realize I didn't need to fear those doubts. I needed to honour them.
We both value each other so much as friends, such good, close friends. We're soulmates, we realized. We have a very deep connection. We see so much beauty in each other and we simply adore each other, but it's not really sexual.
Linda also told me earlier in the evening that she won't change her mind, she won't come back. I have to accept that. I have to accept that perhaps our relationship wasn't as I thought it was...that Linda isn't all there is. That my life can go on. I've just been so scared.
But I also realized in my stony state, that she and I are on the same path. She just got there faster. I'd been wondering if I could leave her and what that would mean for both of us. I hadn't come to the place she has of, "I can be alone". I need to work on it. But essentially, we were brought together for a reason: because we were on the same path then, and now we're still on the same path.
We slept in the same bed again. I figured I was tipsy on wine and stoned too that I wouldn't mind, and I didn't. But I sleep like total crap last night. I briefly debated whether I wanted to go to work, but I know I have to.
Last night was the most fucked up night ever. We went from screaming at each other, crying, freaking out, to essentially cuddling on the bed and telling each other how much we mean to each other, and how we'll never stop being so close.
I bought a bottle of red wine on my way home. Fuck it, I thought. I want some wine!
Linda came home. She'd already been drinking, but wasn't trashed. We both had a few glasses. This is what ensued:
FIGHTING. SCREAMING. CRYING. SHIT GETTING THROWN. FUCK YOU. NO FUCK YOU! CRYING. NAME CALLING. MORE SCREAMING. MORE CATTINESS.
I'd only had two glasses of wine. Linda thought I was drunk, but I wasn't. Then I had a few tokes off my bong because I was a total mess and needed to calm down. The exact opposite happened.
I calmed down all right. I told Linda how afraid I'd been of my own doubts and fears about our relationship. Now I realize I didn't need to fear those doubts. I needed to honour them.
We both value each other so much as friends, such good, close friends. We're soulmates, we realized. We have a very deep connection. We see so much beauty in each other and we simply adore each other, but it's not really sexual.
Linda also told me earlier in the evening that she won't change her mind, she won't come back. I have to accept that. I have to accept that perhaps our relationship wasn't as I thought it was...that Linda isn't all there is. That my life can go on. I've just been so scared.
But I also realized in my stony state, that she and I are on the same path. She just got there faster. I'd been wondering if I could leave her and what that would mean for both of us. I hadn't come to the place she has of, "I can be alone". I need to work on it. But essentially, we were brought together for a reason: because we were on the same path then, and now we're still on the same path.
We slept in the same bed again. I figured I was tipsy on wine and stoned too that I wouldn't mind, and I didn't. But I sleep like total crap last night. I briefly debated whether I wanted to go to work, but I know I have to.
Last night was the most fucked up night ever. We went from screaming at each other, crying, freaking out, to essentially cuddling on the bed and telling each other how much we mean to each other, and how we'll never stop being so close.