(no subject)
Halfway mark of the year. Month 6.
Month 1 of what seemingly has pointed to the last new love. That is how it has seemed.
Future consolidations running into unattainable durations
of time and new directions. Looking at our future I admit
I planned selfishly by considering that she would be there.
I can't go 13 minutes, 13 days; let alone going 13 weeks.
And then the remainder of the next three years with only
shallow time being spent if she decides I'm worth crossing
The deep to come back to the idea of "home" that was so easily
Loosened from the lips and engaged by the mind; by the concept.
Everything had felt so right, it was said, perfect. Here.
Here where there would be no more lingering items or fragrances.
Where everything that is now would be stowed and sent away.
Items probably not limited to myself. I too will be adrift
When everything is taken away. If it were just me, I could wait
Though only the stay of letters to stay the pangs of missing her
wouldd be difficult. I already lack her words at times when I am
closer than I had ever been to anyone. Now I sit and wonder
about my proximity and whether it should be maintained.
You never want to counteract a decision that isn't made.
Saves the heartache and extra struggle. But you don't want
to go quietly into the night and sleep while your Rome burns.
O, fortune's fool, am I. The discovery of love and of loss
Though not unfamiliar in concept are creeping upon my domain.
But what of the two reasons that I must always act in accordance with?
The shining rays of light from my shady and wilted past...
My heart can accept the darkness again of being without
But I don't know if my reasons are as strong or willing;
What I do know is that it will be too difficult for them so soon
So perhaps this year of my stayed execution is really
a harbinger of hope. Time for everyone to get aqcuainted with
the ideas that have brimmed and surfaced to the top of her beliefs.
I can never understand the full why - if you want something in life
There are people who would help you get what it is you need.
If there are things you wish to believe, I would help you learn.
If you want to be strong and hold steadfast in the ways you yearn
for then I would take your hand and whisper in your ear every
time your version of failure came near; every way that you would
want to give up I will bend down and lift you up. Any emotion
you wish to obtain... I will mold reality; bring sun from the rain
Take away any pain, solidify all issues you thought were in vain.
I have extra I love yous... and hugs and exclamations of joy
They find shape because I have the distinct fear
That all I will be able to give you are the ones in time near
For I don't believe you and/or I could have resolve for three years.
Not so soon. Not when I finally found home. Not when I am crushed
By every moment that passes without you in my presence.
Month 1 of what seemingly has pointed to the last new love. That is how it has seemed.
Future consolidations running into unattainable durations
of time and new directions. Looking at our future I admit
I planned selfishly by considering that she would be there.
I can't go 13 minutes, 13 days; let alone going 13 weeks.
And then the remainder of the next three years with only
shallow time being spent if she decides I'm worth crossing
The deep to come back to the idea of "home" that was so easily
Loosened from the lips and engaged by the mind; by the concept.
Everything had felt so right, it was said, perfect. Here.
Here where there would be no more lingering items or fragrances.
Where everything that is now would be stowed and sent away.
Items probably not limited to myself. I too will be adrift
When everything is taken away. If it were just me, I could wait
Though only the stay of letters to stay the pangs of missing her
wouldd be difficult. I already lack her words at times when I am
closer than I had ever been to anyone. Now I sit and wonder
about my proximity and whether it should be maintained.
You never want to counteract a decision that isn't made.
Saves the heartache and extra struggle. But you don't want
to go quietly into the night and sleep while your Rome burns.
O, fortune's fool, am I. The discovery of love and of loss
Though not unfamiliar in concept are creeping upon my domain.
But what of the two reasons that I must always act in accordance with?
The shining rays of light from my shady and wilted past...
My heart can accept the darkness again of being without
But I don't know if my reasons are as strong or willing;
What I do know is that it will be too difficult for them so soon
So perhaps this year of my stayed execution is really
a harbinger of hope. Time for everyone to get aqcuainted with
the ideas that have brimmed and surfaced to the top of her beliefs.
I can never understand the full why - if you want something in life
There are people who would help you get what it is you need.
If there are things you wish to believe, I would help you learn.
If you want to be strong and hold steadfast in the ways you yearn
for then I would take your hand and whisper in your ear every
time your version of failure came near; every way that you would
want to give up I will bend down and lift you up. Any emotion
you wish to obtain... I will mold reality; bring sun from the rain
Take away any pain, solidify all issues you thought were in vain.
I have extra I love yous... and hugs and exclamations of joy
They find shape because I have the distinct fear
That all I will be able to give you are the ones in time near
For I don't believe you and/or I could have resolve for three years.
Not so soon. Not when I finally found home. Not when I am crushed
By every moment that passes without you in my presence.