more of the same
I tried to make a list of things that always make me smile earlier this year. I had to stop after the song "Birdhouse in my Soul"; conversations with far away friends; and the apocalypse - i couldn't think of anything else. nothing consistent. most good friends tell you the truth, which doesn't usually involve smiling. chocolate and alcohol make me feel guilty. as for flowers, well you all know about that......
i wanted that list for weeks like the past few. where no amount of people or affection can touch me. i lie to myself, say there was one who could, but a piece of me knows i would just push that away too.
so i put words together, in hopes of an unlikely original thought.
i think about eric on nights like this, and wonder how small that final straw must have been. how we foolishly think we could have been there, when the truth stands that no one can be there when your mind goes inside it's own trap door.
i wanted that list for weeks like the past few. where no amount of people or affection can touch me. i lie to myself, say there was one who could, but a piece of me knows i would just push that away too.
so i put words together, in hopes of an unlikely original thought.
i think about eric on nights like this, and wonder how small that final straw must have been. how we foolishly think we could have been there, when the truth stands that no one can be there when your mind goes inside it's own trap door.