Driving back to USA
Dear Nasty Butler,
As I drive slowly back to Detroit, I think I truly feel defeated.
Like I won the lottery in Guelph, but I'm not allowed to keep it.
So how did this happen, eh? I may never fully comprehend
How I went from being a random encounter to being your "gay best friend".
Those 3 pole trips with you were purely platonic, at least how I remember.
I was my usual "gay bff" from last November to this December.
I have been that role to so many before, but with you I did not foresee this.
For my part, I recognize that you are unique to this world, even if you don't see it.
I honestly never planned on falling in love, with you or with anyone;
But "the universe" kept me there until long after all that was done.
I swear I had no motive or agenda; it just happened on Xmas morning.
Those first 11 days, how the hell did you even tolerate all of my snoring?
I was convinced that I could make a positive difference in your life, my mission.
But even after we finished assembling Tiffany, I knew there was more 'till completion.
You spoiled me every day, regardless if you knew or intended.
You fed me and bed, me gave me something real to defend.
I've never before felt truly loved, nor felt so much care for another.
That's how special you make me feel, something I never thought I'd discover.
From being your house elf & shower elf to your teammate and driver,
I plan to always be there for you, even when I'm working my 9 to 5.
This took me twice as long to type due to the cats attacking me in between,
All while Oobi Doob Scooby Dooby Benoobi is playing on my big screen.
I fucking love you, ______, and you god damn know that's true.
So how's aboot we get married and I make a waifu outta you?
With love,
Swollen Ostrich
As I drive slowly back to Detroit, I think I truly feel defeated.
Like I won the lottery in Guelph, but I'm not allowed to keep it.
So how did this happen, eh? I may never fully comprehend
How I went from being a random encounter to being your "gay best friend".
Those 3 pole trips with you were purely platonic, at least how I remember.
I was my usual "gay bff" from last November to this December.
I have been that role to so many before, but with you I did not foresee this.
For my part, I recognize that you are unique to this world, even if you don't see it.
I honestly never planned on falling in love, with you or with anyone;
But "the universe" kept me there until long after all that was done.
I swear I had no motive or agenda; it just happened on Xmas morning.
Those first 11 days, how the hell did you even tolerate all of my snoring?
I was convinced that I could make a positive difference in your life, my mission.
But even after we finished assembling Tiffany, I knew there was more 'till completion.
You spoiled me every day, regardless if you knew or intended.
You fed me and bed, me gave me something real to defend.
I've never before felt truly loved, nor felt so much care for another.
That's how special you make me feel, something I never thought I'd discover.
From being your house elf & shower elf to your teammate and driver,
I plan to always be there for you, even when I'm working my 9 to 5.
This took me twice as long to type due to the cats attacking me in between,
All while Oobi Doob Scooby Dooby Benoobi is playing on my big screen.
I fucking love you, ______, and you god damn know that's true.
So how's aboot we get married and I make a waifu outta you?
With love,
Swollen Ostrich