Heartbreak
The concept of heartbreak never hit me
Well, that is until now.
When I think of heartbreak, I think of rejection.
Having someone who you care so deeply about, completely and utterly disregard you.
I also thought it could only happen with someone you were romantically attracted too.
It can happen anywhere, with anyone.
With a best friend
One who you’ve known basically all your life
That’s what happened to me at least.
We spent the summer together
Bonding in ways I never could have imagined
After that, we went our separate ways.
She down a twisted, cruel path of partying and drugs
Myself, down a less perverse, however, just as twisted of a road of teenage normalcy
It was the first we’d been in separate schools in eight years.
Slowly we grew apart
Into our separate lives.
We still spoke to one another on a daily basis
It just wasn’t the same though
Soon, I noticed her habits changed
She was “blazed” nearly every day
I realized that it was more than something sporadic
It was what I feared the most
Addiction
Knowing what I did, I decided to speak with her about it
I knew that she would be accepting of my fears
Instead, she told me if I was a “real friend” I wouldn’t worry
I thought that’s why I was worrying
Because, I was a real friend
She told me if I wouldn’t stand by her, then to go away
It was the hardest place for me to be
Between my morals and ethics
And
A best friend who’d been there for me through thick and thin
She made me feel like I was nothing to her
A speck of dirt, only to be brushed away by her finger
Emotions overcame my body
I was angry
I was upset
I was peeved
I was distressed
Depressed
Most of all though, I was guilt-stricken
I didn’t think that expressing my opinions and worries was wrong
I thought it was only natural to tell her how I felt
That maybe she’d take my feelings into consideration
Everything she was putting herself through affected me as well
For the first time in my life
I felt as though someone had ripped my heart out and broke it in half
I had cried over boys before, thinking it was heartbreak
This feeling compared to that one was so much worse
It was so much deeper than any boy could have done to me
That’s when I knew, it was real heartbreak
Being pushed away so ruthlessly from a best friend
How was I supposed to cope?
I knew I had to move on
Get over it
I was so flabbergasted that she could just throw away all those years of friendship
I was determined not to let her
To show her how much she meant to me
I’m still sitting here
Heart in my hands
Trying to piece everything that just happened back together
Like a complicated puzzle, nothing seems to fit
Everything has fallen apart
There are pieces missing
Pieces that can never be replaced
They fall through my fingers
Not meant to stay with me
They would only plague me
The pieces may not ever be replaced
But new pieces will be found
No one stays heartbroken forever