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[poetinplaid]

it's strange

Comments

rambling of a lonely person

[anonymous]

I used to do that. Not with boys so much as just situations that went really bad. I would think of something at night, while I was trying to go to sleep, that happened years ago and try to make it better. Crying infront people, saying no but it still end up happening, freezing up on stage. Once I was set up on a blind date and the guy attacked me, he was stupid and I'm actaully not sure if he realized wht he did was wrong. All I did was scream. I was so disappointed in myself (luckily it was close enough to my house that my dad came heard and came out, he made the guy leave). But the point is, is that for a long time I would think back, I should have kicked him, I should have elbowed him, I should turned around and DDTed him on the concrete! (I watch a lot of wrestling) or something. I would think about it till I cried, fall asleep and then have nightmares about it. Finally I have realized that I can't change it, the past I mean. I don't know how I got around these times of beating myself up but I am really glad. It's a good thing to realize. I sleep better now :-) of course I am no more confident in public but one step at a time I suppose. weird huh? pouring out personal feelings and past and leaving as "anonymous," seems contradictary... anyways I hear ya on the massage! that sling really knoted up my shoulder...