Yeah I just updated again- say something!
Lord, my brain is heavy tonight. I usually don't get candid on these public things but im too lazy for pen and paper right now.
Am I the only one that doesn't want to go back to college???
Am I the only one who thinks they made a giant mistake and is now at a college in NY (a city I don't ever want to live/stay in) only there looking for a degree. But I'm stuck because there is no where I want to go in RI. And I'd die in the face of letting myself down if I transferred to be able to stay at home. I'd die in the face of the possibilities and opportunities I passed up. I'd die in the face of losing my name on the degree of an impressive college, not ivy league, but damn impressive. I'd die in the face of closing doors.
But to be completely honest with you
-this is a secret-
I am deathly afraid I am going to fail either way. Fordham or RI I am going to fail. An english major? AN ENGLISH MAJOR? They make books for people like me on what to do with their major because you need some pretty fucking creative ideas considering you're a dead end loser with little prospect of success.
But I like to write. O la-de-da. I've been cursed. Fucking cursed. I hear about my friends in pre-vet, pre-med, nutrition, accounting, hotel management. Majors with potential. Majors with jobs at the end of the tunnel.
"So what are you majoring in?"
"I'm thinking of doubling in English and Spanish."
God that response has become an embarassment. Oh really? And what in God's holy name do you intend to do with THAT?? Save the fucking world? No, I plan on being an editor. O really? an editor! woop-de-fucking-do. Move the earth kinda stuff!
Four years of hell at LSA, not to mention the years suffered before that. and now thousands of dollars and thousands of sleepless nights studying far from home for what- an english major.
God I better become successful somehow, because otherwise mid-life crisis is going to strike earlier. Or a heart attack, or an ulcer.
This has become one big rant that has nothing to do with why I'm really pissed. You ever notice that though? Anger about one thing just opens the flood gates and you get pissed about EVERYTHING. Same with anxiety.
I apologize for this entry.
~ Ashley
Am I the only one that doesn't want to go back to college???
Am I the only one who thinks they made a giant mistake and is now at a college in NY (a city I don't ever want to live/stay in) only there looking for a degree. But I'm stuck because there is no where I want to go in RI. And I'd die in the face of letting myself down if I transferred to be able to stay at home. I'd die in the face of the possibilities and opportunities I passed up. I'd die in the face of losing my name on the degree of an impressive college, not ivy league, but damn impressive. I'd die in the face of closing doors.
But to be completely honest with you
-this is a secret-
I am deathly afraid I am going to fail either way. Fordham or RI I am going to fail. An english major? AN ENGLISH MAJOR? They make books for people like me on what to do with their major because you need some pretty fucking creative ideas considering you're a dead end loser with little prospect of success.
But I like to write. O la-de-da. I've been cursed. Fucking cursed. I hear about my friends in pre-vet, pre-med, nutrition, accounting, hotel management. Majors with potential. Majors with jobs at the end of the tunnel.
"So what are you majoring in?"
"I'm thinking of doubling in English and Spanish."
God that response has become an embarassment. Oh really? And what in God's holy name do you intend to do with THAT?? Save the fucking world? No, I plan on being an editor. O really? an editor! woop-de-fucking-do. Move the earth kinda stuff!
Four years of hell at LSA, not to mention the years suffered before that. and now thousands of dollars and thousands of sleepless nights studying far from home for what- an english major.
God I better become successful somehow, because otherwise mid-life crisis is going to strike earlier. Or a heart attack, or an ulcer.
This has become one big rant that has nothing to do with why I'm really pissed. You ever notice that though? Anger about one thing just opens the flood gates and you get pissed about EVERYTHING. Same with anxiety.
I apologize for this entry.
~ Ashley