Sep 30, 2004 18:15
I wanna yell..
I wanna scream at the top of my lungs.I wanna yell for help..Tell everyone whats wrong..But i can't if even I dont know whats wrong with me..I cant tell my friends that there are sometimes that I feel trapped..Sometimes there are times I feel like im tapped to a wall being tortured by the devil..They'd think im nuts..Guess i'll just keep it to myself..What i've been doing my whole life..Today was weird.. I had like really weird mood swings..I got out of my class and my body felt hott and bothered.. My mind wouldn't let me speak to my friends, just to keep walkings.. Maybe its the reason that they're cutting and doing stupid shit and enjoying there High school year..And im trying my best to do the best I can..Maybe it's because I notice that I onli have 3 yrs left..[Well 2 not counting this yr]..I cant wait til it's over..I've been so stressed out with school and catching up and making sure not to cut..Trying to fit in is not what im with..Everyone fits in to one group in school..Well the more years im in that school..I feel that the more people I hang with have bene rockers and juggalos and goths...Don't know son't ask..It's sorta a thug school..But I balrey hang with Thugs.. And i dont consider myself anything in sschool in anymore..You know how people label themselves "thugs", "Rockers"...I'm not a type..Which is hard cus i feel like i gotta fit in and I hate it.. I don't even try to fit in anymore..I'm fine with the friends I have now .. But back to the attitude swings...
Maybe it's because I haven't got any time to myself recently in school..Im just having a bad week with getting after school detention for nothing and the fight..I guess i just want to go roll into a ball in to a cold corner and just lay there and cry..Guess i'm just having a breakdown.. Guess all my problems are all catching up to me in the long run..Cant say I don't deserve it..I felt liek a shity person this week to...I've felt worthless and low down..I felt like i failed everyone.. And i get yeleld at by John everytime i say this.. But this is honestly how i have been feeling recently..Well im gonna go cry...Try to get it out ... Bye everyone .. Wish me a speedy recovery out of my depression...
--poetic x desire
----Thena