For the first time in my life.
Nothing can ever top the happiness I found in PEI with all my loving caring friends. No one I ever meet will ever bring me the joy that all you people gave to me and shared with me. I hated so much to have to leave all of that. As all of you knew. It tore me apart. I didn't go a day without crying before I left nor have I went a day without thinking of all you people and whats filling your time. I miss that so much.
But for the first time in my life I have had so much time alone. Time with myself, my thoughts and everything that made me who I am today. For the first time I got to see myself for who I am. I always brushed passed that aspect. Never really thought about myself. Thought mostly of other people and tried way too hard to make other people happy. I even put myself behind everything. I didn't care about taking care of myself. For, I didn't even know who I was. I was doing things that I shouldn't do. Saying things that didn't even matter cared way too much of what people thought of my actions. I closeted myself. completely.
Now that I have had this time to recognize my faults and my passed mistakes. I have been able to forgive myself for being that person. I never gave myself a chance. I always quit things I wanted to do. Like bass, jobs, friendships,love....my health...all that. Now I feel like I have my head on track...
My first task was actually making the move to live in Toronto for school. I did it! here I am! In school. I have never felt any better. I am actually understanding it. Loving it and giving myself the chance. If there's something I don't get. I make myself get it. I try even harder.
I finally feel happy with myself. I know I have said that a million times. But I never "got it" until now. I am so excited with what my life has to offer me. What I have to offer to the world. Living this life is the most greatful thing i could ever have to do.
I ope everyone does what they truely want. It's the most foe-filling thing in the entire world. Mind you, you have to go through a crazy amount of loneliness and sadness.. Seperation..but yanno. It's really worth it in the end. Just to find it and do it.....Wow. I look around my apartment and the feeling that I actually did it.....is more gratifying moment in my life.
Wow. I can't even say how good this feels.
But for the first time in my life I have had so much time alone. Time with myself, my thoughts and everything that made me who I am today. For the first time I got to see myself for who I am. I always brushed passed that aspect. Never really thought about myself. Thought mostly of other people and tried way too hard to make other people happy. I even put myself behind everything. I didn't care about taking care of myself. For, I didn't even know who I was. I was doing things that I shouldn't do. Saying things that didn't even matter cared way too much of what people thought of my actions. I closeted myself. completely.
Now that I have had this time to recognize my faults and my passed mistakes. I have been able to forgive myself for being that person. I never gave myself a chance. I always quit things I wanted to do. Like bass, jobs, friendships,love....my health...all that. Now I feel like I have my head on track...
My first task was actually making the move to live in Toronto for school. I did it! here I am! In school. I have never felt any better. I am actually understanding it. Loving it and giving myself the chance. If there's something I don't get. I make myself get it. I try even harder.
I finally feel happy with myself. I know I have said that a million times. But I never "got it" until now. I am so excited with what my life has to offer me. What I have to offer to the world. Living this life is the most greatful thing i could ever have to do.
I ope everyone does what they truely want. It's the most foe-filling thing in the entire world. Mind you, you have to go through a crazy amount of loneliness and sadness.. Seperation..but yanno. It's really worth it in the end. Just to find it and do it.....Wow. I look around my apartment and the feeling that I actually did it.....is more gratifying moment in my life.
Wow. I can't even say how good this feels.