(no subject)
so last night im on the phone with james(j.r.) and uhh hes a complete ass to me. and he tells me hes with kyle and that they are watching a baseball game.and i ask what game. and he says.. uhh one where they hit the ball with the bat. so i take it that hes in a pissy mood... or hes just trying to prove something to the guys. what? i dont know. but hes such an idiot. so of course i kind of get pissed at him. and im liek how about i just talk to you later. and hes all like ugh is that what you want. and i said yes.. and hung up the phone. so he calls me at 10:30 and im tryign to sleep because i feel liek shit for several reasons. and i was a little upset. so i answer the phone anyways. and he asks me if im mad at him.. again. and i think i said no. and i jsut wanted him to get off the phone with me so i could sleep.. and bury my head in my pillow. and he jsut keeps talking and im like i jsut want to go to sleep. bye.
i wrote to micheal. and i told him i was sorry. and he wrote me back and said.... that the thing that really made him say fuck it was when i said if he go shot i wouldnt care. and if he died i wouldnt care. which i explained to him that the only reason i said that to him.. was because i was pissed. and i know if he died.. god i dont even want to think about it. cause he means a lot to me. still. and i mean there was no reason for it. and i never shoudl have said it.. because i regret ever even openign my mouth. because apparently i hurt him. i dont know.
last nigth i balled my eyes out because of heather. i miss her and i dont know what i did to make her think that she jsut could come and talk to me. what i did to make her think she couldnt pick up the phone and say hey lets meet down by the lake. if its cause ive been so busy lately.. i would have made time. i would cancel anything... my fucking wedding if she needed to talk. and i love the girl to death. shes my fuckign best friend and i dont know what the fuck i would do without her. i think i would die. no joke. i miss her and i want her here. cause shes the best.
i wrote to micheal. and i told him i was sorry. and he wrote me back and said.... that the thing that really made him say fuck it was when i said if he go shot i wouldnt care. and if he died i wouldnt care. which i explained to him that the only reason i said that to him.. was because i was pissed. and i know if he died.. god i dont even want to think about it. cause he means a lot to me. still. and i mean there was no reason for it. and i never shoudl have said it.. because i regret ever even openign my mouth. because apparently i hurt him. i dont know.
last nigth i balled my eyes out because of heather. i miss her and i dont know what i did to make her think that she jsut could come and talk to me. what i did to make her think she couldnt pick up the phone and say hey lets meet down by the lake. if its cause ive been so busy lately.. i would have made time. i would cancel anything... my fucking wedding if she needed to talk. and i love the girl to death. shes my fuckign best friend and i dont know what the fuck i would do without her. i think i would die. no joke. i miss her and i want her here. cause shes the best.