(no subject)
so im tired times like a billion. im sick. my head hurts like never before. im sure im dying, cause thats what it feels like. my eyes keep watering and they itch so fucking bad. i smell liek brian, he made me hug him for a really long time today because he said it would make me feel better.. so when is better supposed to kick in?
yesterday heather called me and told me to come to gurnee mills.. so i did. i got there super quick. we ate then we went into hot topic so i could see if they had the new terror cd.. which they didnt have. lame ass mother fuckers. so we leave i decide to ask where they think i could find it. so theres two people standing there a guy and a girl.. im hoping more for the girl to answer my question.. but no the boy does. and hes the biggest dick in the whole entire world. so i get kind of pissy with him. what an ass.
ive been thinking about how i could go at this easier.. and im thinking i just say it. and not care what you think or worry abotu what you might say back. i just want to be done with this. cause yes i still care.. why wouldnt i? you meant so much to me. and i know you cared about me, even if i say you dont. sometimes when im talkign to somebody, i daze off.. and i end up thinking about you, cause weve been through so much, and sometimes when i cant get my problems solved, i want you to be there to tell me everything is okay, and how he doesnt deserve me. but then i realize i cant jsut pick up the phone and say " hey i need to talk to you" but i know youll tell me "fuck you" and that will only lead to more problems. maybe im wrong. maybe youll be like whats wrong. and well talk and well solve this, but then im scared we might have to continue being friends, and i dont want to listen to everyone telling me how stupid i am. plus dont want to end u in the same position we alwya end up in. i dont know. i hate seeing you, i hate seeing you happy, and its not because of me. and i hate seeing you upset, and me not being able to say everything will e okay. i miss you, i guess thats all im tryign to say.
so he tells me we have nothing incommon. wait lets back up, he tells me he likes me and something about being more than jsut friends. then tells me i wear to much black, but that doesnt matter to him, because hes not superficial, and wait matters is on the inside. then 20 minutes later is tellign me we have nothign incommon, and if i ever dated a preppy person(which he is preppy) that it wouldnt last. and im not supposed to question it. cause i am. and if we dont have anythign in common.. why be friends? i mean doesnt that make sense? so im kind of feeling misguided. hes all " ashley i like you so much" and were holding hands and kissing.. and now hes all " we have nothing in common and you wear too much black" so now i dont know what to think. maybe its my fault. im sure it is.. cause according to everybody i always screw things up. BIG time.
yesterday heather called me and told me to come to gurnee mills.. so i did. i got there super quick. we ate then we went into hot topic so i could see if they had the new terror cd.. which they didnt have. lame ass mother fuckers. so we leave i decide to ask where they think i could find it. so theres two people standing there a guy and a girl.. im hoping more for the girl to answer my question.. but no the boy does. and hes the biggest dick in the whole entire world. so i get kind of pissy with him. what an ass.
ive been thinking about how i could go at this easier.. and im thinking i just say it. and not care what you think or worry abotu what you might say back. i just want to be done with this. cause yes i still care.. why wouldnt i? you meant so much to me. and i know you cared about me, even if i say you dont. sometimes when im talkign to somebody, i daze off.. and i end up thinking about you, cause weve been through so much, and sometimes when i cant get my problems solved, i want you to be there to tell me everything is okay, and how he doesnt deserve me. but then i realize i cant jsut pick up the phone and say " hey i need to talk to you" but i know youll tell me "fuck you" and that will only lead to more problems. maybe im wrong. maybe youll be like whats wrong. and well talk and well solve this, but then im scared we might have to continue being friends, and i dont want to listen to everyone telling me how stupid i am. plus dont want to end u in the same position we alwya end up in. i dont know. i hate seeing you, i hate seeing you happy, and its not because of me. and i hate seeing you upset, and me not being able to say everything will e okay. i miss you, i guess thats all im tryign to say.
so he tells me we have nothing incommon. wait lets back up, he tells me he likes me and something about being more than jsut friends. then tells me i wear to much black, but that doesnt matter to him, because hes not superficial, and wait matters is on the inside. then 20 minutes later is tellign me we have nothign incommon, and if i ever dated a preppy person(which he is preppy) that it wouldnt last. and im not supposed to question it. cause i am. and if we dont have anythign in common.. why be friends? i mean doesnt that make sense? so im kind of feeling misguided. hes all " ashley i like you so much" and were holding hands and kissing.. and now hes all " we have nothing in common and you wear too much black" so now i dont know what to think. maybe its my fault. im sure it is.. cause according to everybody i always screw things up. BIG time.