Ive been thinking
I've been doing ALOT of thinking... and I decided that next time around my standards are going to be higher... I cant allow myself to be hurt like this over and over again, I really am a very sensitive person... I may not always ACT like it... but I take alot of things to heart.
If I continue to let myself go down the road I was going down, then I know I will spiral out of control and that wont be good for anyone... everyone wants to be happy... and i know that it is always something I will try to attain but... at what price... and was I ever really happy?
or did I just let myself bask in the disillusionment of what I thought love was??
Do I let myself love too quickly... too freely... to openly??
Am I always setting myself up for dissapointment?
or is all of this pain... all of this heartache going to even out someday... will my rewards be greater because of the tormoil that I go through?
I hate having sooooo many questions and so few answers... I find myself turning back to the religion I was brought up in... I got a new Bible.... I have been attending church... and doing all this puts some random part of me at peace... and it all feels so wonderful...
but then the next question comes along... the next guy who wants to date me (if he ever has the guts to say so... guys are mostly chickens when it comes to asking girls out... at least thats what my guy friends say lol) will he be able to handle me??
Will he be able to handle my new found/continued religion?
Can he accept me for me, and if not.... will I have the strength to stand up for me instead of following him like i have in many many relationships past??
I have sooooooo many questions... I suppose when the time is right I will have the answers... I just have to hold strong and be good.
PS: Im sick of people telling me that because of the piercings I have (some of which most of you dont know about) and the tattoo I have, and the one I want, somehow makes me unworthy in the eyes of God... who are you to judge me?
If I continue to let myself go down the road I was going down, then I know I will spiral out of control and that wont be good for anyone... everyone wants to be happy... and i know that it is always something I will try to attain but... at what price... and was I ever really happy?
or did I just let myself bask in the disillusionment of what I thought love was??
Do I let myself love too quickly... too freely... to openly??
Am I always setting myself up for dissapointment?
or is all of this pain... all of this heartache going to even out someday... will my rewards be greater because of the tormoil that I go through?
I hate having sooooo many questions and so few answers... I find myself turning back to the religion I was brought up in... I got a new Bible.... I have been attending church... and doing all this puts some random part of me at peace... and it all feels so wonderful...
but then the next question comes along... the next guy who wants to date me (if he ever has the guts to say so... guys are mostly chickens when it comes to asking girls out... at least thats what my guy friends say lol) will he be able to handle me??
Will he be able to handle my new found/continued religion?
Can he accept me for me, and if not.... will I have the strength to stand up for me instead of following him like i have in many many relationships past??
I have sooooooo many questions... I suppose when the time is right I will have the answers... I just have to hold strong and be good.
PS: Im sick of people telling me that because of the piercings I have (some of which most of you dont know about) and the tattoo I have, and the one I want, somehow makes me unworthy in the eyes of God... who are you to judge me?