Imagine
All of a sudden it seems as though life is a rollercoaster, mostly emotionally. One day things are looking up, the next day they are hitting rock bottom. I know what I want in life, and I know how to get it, but I can't get to it. It's the most horrible feeling. It's like, I'm looking towards the goal and I haven't even left the starting line, or maybe I have, but I'm crawling instead of running. God, I feel so worthless and pathetic, sitting here crying and whining about it. Maybe I really am worthless. Sometimes I wonder if I even have a purpose in life anymore. I mean, I have Levi and I have my close group of friends, but I feel like I'm constantly letting them down.
Maybe I really am a failure. Or am I defective? I don't know anymore. Two days ago I literally thought I'd had enough of the bullshit drama here and pondered a few thoughts of suicide, though I couldn't bring myself to do it. I'm too chicken shit. I guess it's a good thing, cause if I did it I would have hurt a lot of people... at least I think of other people before I think of myself...
Anyways, congrats to Levi who got a job... I'm proud of him... If only I could get a job and contribute to the plans the two of us are making... yeah... Anyways...
I guess that's about it for now... I'm outies
Maybe I really am a failure. Or am I defective? I don't know anymore. Two days ago I literally thought I'd had enough of the bullshit drama here and pondered a few thoughts of suicide, though I couldn't bring myself to do it. I'm too chicken shit. I guess it's a good thing, cause if I did it I would have hurt a lot of people... at least I think of other people before I think of myself...
Anyways, congrats to Levi who got a job... I'm proud of him... If only I could get a job and contribute to the plans the two of us are making... yeah... Anyways...
I guess that's about it for now... I'm outies