Raining Soccer Balls and Beanie Babies
Ive been doin' a lot of thinking about that post i wrote a while back titled "This War."
It was very negative, but also very true. I do want to let you all know about the good things that go on around here as well. Its unfair of me, and also stereotypical of me to label the U.S. Army as all bad and nothing to be proud of, and even though I probably came off like that, I don't completely feel like that- all the time. Because I am very proud to say that there are people in this military making difference out here and who are very intelligent and caring people with honorable intentions.
For instance, while working on a computer problem a little bit ago for some Majors and Captains.. I learned of their next important mission. They are taking a helicopter over the desert and throwing out gifts to all the children. Which is awesome. Remember how i told you about that guy who was bragging about making an old lady faint while breaking into her shack in the dead of the night? I was worried I would be an aquaitence to something like that happening when I went out on those missions. Thankfully, I wasn't. I was never apart of any of that... What I did participate in of was making the days of 100's of iraqi children and familes handing out treats and toys. They seemed happy to see us.. I worked the day shift however. The soldiers who worked the night shift were the ones guilty of scaring the crap out of these same people. So when we went through the desert it was kind of like we had to undo what they had done. My truck commander thinks everybody in Iraq is guilty and should die. Which is the mindset of a lot of people I realize, here, and back home. What people need to understand is that the enemy is not them or us... it is WAR itself... War is responsible for creating the most unthinkable of situations... and in these situations the mind becomes vulnrable to corruption by an overload of horrific stress and anger...
When i was stationed at the palace i often escorted Iraqi workers around the FOB and hung out with them all day. Despite the language barrier we really got to know each other and I enjoyed their company and learned great things about them and their entire culture. I still had to keep my weapon armed and pointed at them at all times- but because i wasnt an ASSHOLE while doing this I was fed a lot of crap from other soldiers.. However.. after April 15th- when my friend was killed... It took me a long time to look at these same people in the eyes... Honestly, i hated them. I hated them because i hated the situation and sadly it seems its easier to deal with these types of events when you have someone to direct your emotion towards.. This kind of pain is indescribale and it makes you crazy... After time... i snapped out of it and realized THEY werent the ones who killed my friend. They were not the enemy. War is the enemy. It doesnt matter who you are, where you are...war manifests the worst human emotions in the world and demands human beings to deal with the unnatural... And in dealing with the unnatural..our natural reaction is not always good... how can it be?
I have so much to say.... im overwhelmed with everything ive experienced out here.. Lately ive just been trying to take it all in.. everytime i go to write its just too much. I have so much pain to get off my chest. It will not seize and rest until i can digest this crest of experience and manifest it into a written master piece... For the readers mind to find this broken heart no longer painful...but a work of art, light after dark, but can words master peace?
It was very negative, but also very true. I do want to let you all know about the good things that go on around here as well. Its unfair of me, and also stereotypical of me to label the U.S. Army as all bad and nothing to be proud of, and even though I probably came off like that, I don't completely feel like that- all the time. Because I am very proud to say that there are people in this military making difference out here and who are very intelligent and caring people with honorable intentions.
For instance, while working on a computer problem a little bit ago for some Majors and Captains.. I learned of their next important mission. They are taking a helicopter over the desert and throwing out gifts to all the children. Which is awesome. Remember how i told you about that guy who was bragging about making an old lady faint while breaking into her shack in the dead of the night? I was worried I would be an aquaitence to something like that happening when I went out on those missions. Thankfully, I wasn't. I was never apart of any of that... What I did participate in of was making the days of 100's of iraqi children and familes handing out treats and toys. They seemed happy to see us.. I worked the day shift however. The soldiers who worked the night shift were the ones guilty of scaring the crap out of these same people. So when we went through the desert it was kind of like we had to undo what they had done. My truck commander thinks everybody in Iraq is guilty and should die. Which is the mindset of a lot of people I realize, here, and back home. What people need to understand is that the enemy is not them or us... it is WAR itself... War is responsible for creating the most unthinkable of situations... and in these situations the mind becomes vulnrable to corruption by an overload of horrific stress and anger...
When i was stationed at the palace i often escorted Iraqi workers around the FOB and hung out with them all day. Despite the language barrier we really got to know each other and I enjoyed their company and learned great things about them and their entire culture. I still had to keep my weapon armed and pointed at them at all times- but because i wasnt an ASSHOLE while doing this I was fed a lot of crap from other soldiers.. However.. after April 15th- when my friend was killed... It took me a long time to look at these same people in the eyes... Honestly, i hated them. I hated them because i hated the situation and sadly it seems its easier to deal with these types of events when you have someone to direct your emotion towards.. This kind of pain is indescribale and it makes you crazy... After time... i snapped out of it and realized THEY werent the ones who killed my friend. They were not the enemy. War is the enemy. It doesnt matter who you are, where you are...war manifests the worst human emotions in the world and demands human beings to deal with the unnatural... And in dealing with the unnatural..our natural reaction is not always good... how can it be?
I have so much to say.... im overwhelmed with everything ive experienced out here.. Lately ive just been trying to take it all in.. everytime i go to write its just too much. I have so much pain to get off my chest. It will not seize and rest until i can digest this crest of experience and manifest it into a written master piece... For the readers mind to find this broken heart no longer painful...but a work of art, light after dark, but can words master peace?