(no subject)
Lately I've been recieveing alot of scuff for not updating for over a month, so here's another update that came relativly close to the previous one. I'm guessing if you are reading this at all then you are one of the people who missed this for the past month, if not, then why the hell are you reading; whatever, carry on.
So this is about my Grandmother on my Pop's side. Horrible timing on her part since my Grandmother of my Ma's side just died a few months back. But you can't control nature, or God for that matter.
For probably over a year now Grandma Dart can been living with my Aunt Ginny, who I used to hate with a passion (she talked shit on me a couple years ago but I'm over it now). I didn't visit her there for a while. When I saw last she was walking around, talking up a storm somewhat out of her mind but at least she pretended to know me and showed the grandmotherly affection that a grandson needs even if I was a stranger to her. I was contant with that memory and figured since she is stuck in bed painfully sick with dementia, I didn't need to see her. Once Grandma Crimmins died I thought about how much i would have liked to have seen her one last time.----
The story with Grandma Crimmins is: She had Alzhiemers and fell apart inside out. My Ma would go to see her and come home crying and feeling sick with sadness for days afterwards; becaus eof that she didn't let my siblings and I see her. I think my Ma made the right decesion, however I still would have liked to have seen her one last time no matter how bad she was or how bad it would have made me feel.
----So I figured it's about time I start visiting Grandma Dart more often and try to talk to her a little bit before she passes away. I'm up to about 5 visits since Grandma Crimmins died. The first couple of times I got no response from Grandma Dart. I usually ended up walking away feeling empty and a little shitty. One day in early December I went to see her and I walked in and said "Hey Grandma, How you doing?" and she opened her eyes and looked at me and said "Pretty good." I was shocked and went on and on askign whatever question came to mind "What's your favorite color? What'd you eat for breakfast?" but I got nothing else out of her. Regardless I finished up my visit with the same routine a kiss on her forehead and an "I love you Grandma".
The next visit was alot like the first couple; a silent Grandma who doesn't reconize me. When I left I kissed her and said I love you and she opened her mouth like she was about to say something and I froze. Then she closed her mouth without a sound. Broke my fuckin heart; I wanted her to say it so bad, I wanted her mind to work for just that second and I cursed the god who allows this. The last visit I have had (as of now at least) was a sad one to start. I've been hearing nothing but how sick she is and how she isn't eating for responding to anyone. She apparently with respond to my dad the most but not that well. I went to see her for what Aunt Ginny said would be the final visit. (Little does she realize Fritz's don't give up without a fight). I walk in and look at her and wonder who this person is before me. She looks nothing like she did just a few weeks ago. She looks sad, she looks like she is in pain, she looks like she isn't even breathing but wants to desparately. I go over to her and say "Hey Grandma how you doing?" she opens her eyes but says nothing. She stares at me the entire time I was there without saying anything, but I'm happy that she knows I'm there, and that she is keeping her eyes on me. She seems like she is regaining some color and doesn't see to sad anymore, almost like she just got a shot of morphean. She begins to close her eyes and I figure I'll let her be so she can sleep. I'd rather leave her side while she was sleeping than walk away while she is awake. So I kiss her and say I love you and she opens her eyes and says "I love you". I stood there then until she fell back asleep.
So this is about my Grandmother on my Pop's side. Horrible timing on her part since my Grandmother of my Ma's side just died a few months back. But you can't control nature, or God for that matter.
For probably over a year now Grandma Dart can been living with my Aunt Ginny, who I used to hate with a passion (she talked shit on me a couple years ago but I'm over it now). I didn't visit her there for a while. When I saw last she was walking around, talking up a storm somewhat out of her mind but at least she pretended to know me and showed the grandmotherly affection that a grandson needs even if I was a stranger to her. I was contant with that memory and figured since she is stuck in bed painfully sick with dementia, I didn't need to see her. Once Grandma Crimmins died I thought about how much i would have liked to have seen her one last time.----
The story with Grandma Crimmins is: She had Alzhiemers and fell apart inside out. My Ma would go to see her and come home crying and feeling sick with sadness for days afterwards; becaus eof that she didn't let my siblings and I see her. I think my Ma made the right decesion, however I still would have liked to have seen her one last time no matter how bad she was or how bad it would have made me feel.
----So I figured it's about time I start visiting Grandma Dart more often and try to talk to her a little bit before she passes away. I'm up to about 5 visits since Grandma Crimmins died. The first couple of times I got no response from Grandma Dart. I usually ended up walking away feeling empty and a little shitty. One day in early December I went to see her and I walked in and said "Hey Grandma, How you doing?" and she opened her eyes and looked at me and said "Pretty good." I was shocked and went on and on askign whatever question came to mind "What's your favorite color? What'd you eat for breakfast?" but I got nothing else out of her. Regardless I finished up my visit with the same routine a kiss on her forehead and an "I love you Grandma".
The next visit was alot like the first couple; a silent Grandma who doesn't reconize me. When I left I kissed her and said I love you and she opened her mouth like she was about to say something and I froze. Then she closed her mouth without a sound. Broke my fuckin heart; I wanted her to say it so bad, I wanted her mind to work for just that second and I cursed the god who allows this. The last visit I have had (as of now at least) was a sad one to start. I've been hearing nothing but how sick she is and how she isn't eating for responding to anyone. She apparently with respond to my dad the most but not that well. I went to see her for what Aunt Ginny said would be the final visit. (Little does she realize Fritz's don't give up without a fight). I walk in and look at her and wonder who this person is before me. She looks nothing like she did just a few weeks ago. She looks sad, she looks like she is in pain, she looks like she isn't even breathing but wants to desparately. I go over to her and say "Hey Grandma how you doing?" she opens her eyes but says nothing. She stares at me the entire time I was there without saying anything, but I'm happy that she knows I'm there, and that she is keeping her eyes on me. She seems like she is regaining some color and doesn't see to sad anymore, almost like she just got a shot of morphean. She begins to close her eyes and I figure I'll let her be so she can sleep. I'd rather leave her side while she was sleeping than walk away while she is awake. So I kiss her and say I love you and she opens her eyes and says "I love you". I stood there then until she fell back asleep.