[For Anthony] Grasping for certainty in an uncertain future

[poetic_apostle]

It had taken weeks of work. There'd been building the furniture, figuring out how to make colours, spending hours wandering about the jungle looking for the right plants to make stains. And then actually making them, mashing plants and berries, simmering them to the right concentration, adding fixatives. Finally, he'd come up with some basic

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[alittleofboth]

Entirely ignorant of the scene of supposed domestic tranquility that awaited him, Anthony sat on his bed, deeply entrenched in a book. While he had never stopped idly reading, the prospect of teaching had made him more intense, more systematic, in his search for new (and old) ways of looking at art. Currently he was reading something written decades after his own time, frowning in annoyance at the author's argument - if you could merit the jumble of words with that label - and periodically making a note in the margin. On one side of him sat a stack of books that had already been thus examined and sentenced, on the other lay a few still awaiting judgment.

He heard Julian as he came in, but did not immediately look up, finishing the page he was reading first. But then he closed the book, holding his place with his index finger, and greeted the poet with a small smile. "Afternoon."

[poetic_apostle]

Julian had waited patiently, for the situation was a common one. As Anthony looked up he smiled, drawing near. "Hullo. Are you busy? I--I can come back later." His heart was pounding now, and he prayed that Anthony wouldn't take him up on it, although at the same time he was nervous as hell now that the moment was upon him. Perhaps this was a bad idea...but he'd decided to do it and now it was done, and all that was left was to show Anthony. It would be silly to back out now, and what of his dreams for the future?

[alittleofboth]

But Anthony shook his head. "No, merely passing the time, nothing of interest." He set the book aside.

Julian was never good at hiding his emotions, and so it was clear that something was making him agitated, though Anthony hadn't the slightest idea what it could be. He slowly arched a brow. "Everything all right?"

[poetic_apostle]

"Of course." Julian smiled again, holding out a hand. "I just wondered if...you might take a walk with me." He licked his lips nervously, watching Anthony.

[alittleofboth]

Anthony looked mildly amused. What Julian had in mind he couldn't guess, but there was certainly something. He stood and gestured out of the cave. "Then lead the way."

[poetic_apostle]

Stealing a quick kiss first, Julian headed out of the cave and down the path, stealing nervous glances at Anthony. He felt like he should say something, carry on a conversation during the brief walk, but his mind felt as if it had frozen over--not a single topic would come to it.

[alittleofboth]

As Julian's nervousness grew, Anthony's amusement did as well. He periodically tried to catch Julian's eye, but the poet seemed to be vehemently avoiding that as well. Finally, the humor clear it his voice and having decided the silence had gone on quite long enough, Anthony said dryly, "Are you going to tell me what it is, or is the plan to walk in circles?"

[poetic_apostle]

Julian practically jumped as Anthony spoke, his head snapping round to meet his gaze at last. "It's...something I've been working on, that I want to show you," he said weakly, stepping onto the side path at last. It had never seemed as far from the caves as it had on the walk today, but they were there finally.

He reached for Anthony's hand, backing slowly toward the house as he spoke. "It's just inside. I--hope you like it," he finished softly, giving Anthony a hopeful smile.

[alittleofboth]

"Oh?" Anthony raised his brows and followed Julian to the clearing where the hut stood. Nothing in his expression changed as he followed Julian inside. "Well," he murmured, "It's very nice..." Though why he wished to show merely a newly furnished home, he had no idea. "I didn't realize you were decorating."

[poetic_apostle]

With a quick glance round to ascertain that nothing had somehow come out of place in his absence, Julian fell back a bit, leaving Anthony free to take everything in. "I've been working on it for weeks," he admitted. "Building and painting--I had help with the sewing, though."

He hesitated for a moment to gather his courage and then said softly, "...It's for us." His heart was in his throat as he watched Anthony, desperately hoping that all his work would now be rewarded, his smile little more than a nervous flicker.

[alittleofboth]

Anthony had been looking around the room - when Julian spoke he rather pointedly paused. He might genuinely not have heard, his might not have understood. It was impossible to tell.

"Pardon?"

[poetic_apostle]

Julian took a deep breath, stepping toward Anthony and touching his arm. "For us," he repeated, smiling nervously. "You and I...it's a home for us, Anthony." He bit his lip and asked quietly, "Do you like it?"

[alittleofboth]

"For-" Anthony looked at Julian and slowly arched a brow. He looked perplexed more than anything, uncertain of what the poet expected of him now, of what he was supposed to do in reply to this thing that he certainly had not sought, whatever it was... "Julian, I don't..."

[poetic_apostle]

"We can be together here," Julian explained quickly, anxiousness making the words all but fall over one another. "You and I, we can be together and--and make a life with each other, and not let...things pull us apart like they did back home." Things like China and spying and getting blown up in wars.

He touched Anthony's cheek and said softly, earnestly, "I love you, Anthony."

[alittleofboth]

Realization was slowly dawning. As mad and absurd as it sounded, there was no denying the meaning of Julian's words. He blinked a few times, and then his eyes went wide.

And then his expression went carefully blank. "Julian," he murmured carefully. "I have a place to live."

[poetic_apostle]

"I--I know," Julian looked thrown off by the comment. "You can move your things here, and it's not far from the cave...Anthony, this can be our place." An icy tendril of fear had started in his stomach, though. Was Anthony going to turn him down?