Lazy is as Lazy does
Well, I am feeling better. Evenings are still cough-fests but otherwise I am feeling a bit more up to snuff. I got my syllabus for Beowulf and the course is going to be hard be more than likely worth it. Tough is not exactly a bad thing overall. I could use a tough class to really get into something I enjoy.
I am trying to do something about my laziness and this class will certainly help. I have to do quite a lot of work in it and the other class will be a heavy work load as well. That and the two classes I will be teaching will certainly keep me hopping. I should be able to do all of that work and still have something that resembles a life. I only hope I can still do some writing during the whole thing.
This lazy thing has been with me most of my life and I really want to fix that. This has kept me from really working to get a hold of Shawna and Todd, to do all sorts of work and fail to do more than the minimum amount of work needed for my classes. I don't think I want to just live the minimum of my life. I want to really do things instead of just play at them. Hell, I know 14 languages but most of them are at the most basic levels imaginable. I have a mandolin I want to be able to play well. I have paintings in my head that I want to get out. I feel poems building up inside that haven't found an outlet. I need to find a way to do rather than not.
Possibly doing something like making a schedule might help, but I am not really very good at using them. But so far that is the only idea I have that can work. I am going to work on trying to do a little of everything I want to work on each day. That can help. I want to get Soldier Boy finished and several other projects as well. I want to get something sent out to a publisher to at least have a book published. Thankfully I am still on track with the diet and I do more activity now than before. I am trying to change my life but it isn't easy.
Besides, who ever said that doing the right thing, the fulfilling thing was ever easy? For the longest time I figured that life owed me something. That the universe would give me anything and I wouldn't have to do a damn thing in my life. Of course that is bullshit, but it amazing how easy it is to ignore the smell if you think you are in the right. Life just is and it is my job to live it.
So I am taking action, trying to do something before the curtain finally drops. Dylan Thomas said, "Do not go gentle into that good night/ Rage, rage against the dying of the light." And I mean to. I don't want to let my life pass me by. I have already done that for so long. I can never apologize enough to the people I hurt by doing nothing and taking no action when I should have. I have hurt others by letting go rather than exerting the effort to keep in touch. I have given up too much in my life and I am tired of it. So I am planning on how to do rather than to simply do nothing.
And school is one of the areas i want to work on. I work so little that it is amazing. wintermoon3 is working so hard on her thesis that it shames me to think of how little I am trying in my own school work. Deity knows I want to do more but I feel like I am stuck with Inertia. But I am doing what I can to make my life better than it was before. I am trying to make the difference that I haven't done so far in my life.
Of course there is a reason that this has all come out. I have felt the presence of a new deity calling me and I have done a great job of ignoring her for the last 10+ years. I finally accepted her and first thing she did was put a boot up my ass to do something. It is no doubt long overdue. I only wonder what things would have been like if I had actually listened to her earlier? :Shrug:
What ever the reason...new Goddess or pulling my head from my 4th point of contact...I intend to do more and to make more of myself (and not by eating). I could use help in this as this is a bit new and I know I am not very good at asking for help when I actually need it.
Take care.
I am trying to do something about my laziness and this class will certainly help. I have to do quite a lot of work in it and the other class will be a heavy work load as well. That and the two classes I will be teaching will certainly keep me hopping. I should be able to do all of that work and still have something that resembles a life. I only hope I can still do some writing during the whole thing.
This lazy thing has been with me most of my life and I really want to fix that. This has kept me from really working to get a hold of Shawna and Todd, to do all sorts of work and fail to do more than the minimum amount of work needed for my classes. I don't think I want to just live the minimum of my life. I want to really do things instead of just play at them. Hell, I know 14 languages but most of them are at the most basic levels imaginable. I have a mandolin I want to be able to play well. I have paintings in my head that I want to get out. I feel poems building up inside that haven't found an outlet. I need to find a way to do rather than not.
Possibly doing something like making a schedule might help, but I am not really very good at using them. But so far that is the only idea I have that can work. I am going to work on trying to do a little of everything I want to work on each day. That can help. I want to get Soldier Boy finished and several other projects as well. I want to get something sent out to a publisher to at least have a book published. Thankfully I am still on track with the diet and I do more activity now than before. I am trying to change my life but it isn't easy.
Besides, who ever said that doing the right thing, the fulfilling thing was ever easy? For the longest time I figured that life owed me something. That the universe would give me anything and I wouldn't have to do a damn thing in my life. Of course that is bullshit, but it amazing how easy it is to ignore the smell if you think you are in the right. Life just is and it is my job to live it.
So I am taking action, trying to do something before the curtain finally drops. Dylan Thomas said, "Do not go gentle into that good night/ Rage, rage against the dying of the light." And I mean to. I don't want to let my life pass me by. I have already done that for so long. I can never apologize enough to the people I hurt by doing nothing and taking no action when I should have. I have hurt others by letting go rather than exerting the effort to keep in touch. I have given up too much in my life and I am tired of it. So I am planning on how to do rather than to simply do nothing.
And school is one of the areas i want to work on. I work so little that it is amazing. wintermoon3 is working so hard on her thesis that it shames me to think of how little I am trying in my own school work. Deity knows I want to do more but I feel like I am stuck with Inertia. But I am doing what I can to make my life better than it was before. I am trying to make the difference that I haven't done so far in my life.
Of course there is a reason that this has all come out. I have felt the presence of a new deity calling me and I have done a great job of ignoring her for the last 10+ years. I finally accepted her and first thing she did was put a boot up my ass to do something. It is no doubt long overdue. I only wonder what things would have been like if I had actually listened to her earlier? :Shrug:
What ever the reason...new Goddess or pulling my head from my 4th point of contact...I intend to do more and to make more of myself (and not by eating). I could use help in this as this is a bit new and I know I am not very good at asking for help when I actually need it.
Take care.