Fic: On Paradigms and Shifting Gears
Author: Poetgirl925
Title: On Paradigms and Shifting Gears
Rating: PG
Summary: Episode tag for 'The Shot in the Dark' - Brennan discusses her experiences with Booth.
Fandom: Bones
Pairing: S. Booth / T. Brennan
Warnings: Major Spoilers for 'The Shot in the Dark' (Season 8)
Disclaimer: Don't own, just playing :)
On Paradigms and Shifting Gears
Temperance Brennan sighed with relief when she entered her home. She hated hospitals and more than that, she’d hated being away from Booth and Christine. As she stepped into the living room, she saw her father standing beside the sofa with her daughter. Christine was holding an enormous ‘Welcome Home’ balloon and seemed utterly fascinated by it.
“Hi baby,” her father greeted her with a smile. “I got you this balloon, but you may have to cede it to your daughter. She hasn’t taken her eyes off of it.”
Brennan couldn’t help smiling as she moved forward and reached for her daughter. “The colors and movement hold her attention. Hi, Christine.”
“Whoa, Bones, you can’t pick her up, remember? Just sit down on the sofa and you can hold her.” Booth moved into the room behind her carrying her bag from the hospital.
She sighed but didn’t argue with him. She sat down carefully on the sofa and leaned back against the cushions. When Max handed Christine over to her, she hugged her and breathed in her fresh baby scent. She knew it was something all mothers did, and in that moment it made her think about her own mother. “Thank you for taking care of her, Dad. She’s always happy with you.”
Max sat beside her and reached out to stroke her hair for a moment before doing the same with his granddaughter. “It’s no trouble. You know I love my girls more than anything else in this world.”
“I know.” She smiled at him. Sometimes it still amazed her how far they had come in the last six years. She glanced at Booth as he sat on her other side, his hand reaching up to stroke down her back. Their eyes met, and she could see a lingering darkness there that she knew was related to the shooting. It would take him time - take both of them time - to get over how close they had come to losing their family.
Max had a knowing look on his face as he stood. “Well, I’ll just get going. You need time to settle in.”
“Why don’t you come over tomorrow for dinner?” Brennan suggested.
“I’d like that. I’ll see you tomorrow.” Max leaned down to kiss Brennan and Christine and put his hand briefly on Booth’s shoulder as he passed him.
Brennan waited for the door to close before looking at Booth. “I can tell that you feel guilty, Booth. It’s not your fault.”
He laughed a little but without real amusement. “Since when can you read people so well, huh?”
“Not people, Booth - just you,” she replied, tilting her head a little as she looked at him. And it was true - she might not ever be able to pick up on social cues the way he did, but she had learned a lot over the years about how to read his mood.
“We almost lost you over a stupid argument.” Booth paused, rubbing his hands over his face before folding them under his chin and meeting her gaze. “I was frustrated, but I never should’ve implied you were a bad mother. It kills me to think you could have died believing that’s what I thought. You’re the best partner and mother to my child that I could ever have asked for.”
“I knew you didn’t mean it,” she finally said. “Working on bones always gives me clarity, and I was perfectly calm when I was shot.” She played with Christine’s fingers for a moment. “I had a fight with my mother the night before they disappeared. She was angry because I was changing myself and making bad decisions over a boy.”
She could feel Booth’s eyes on her as she continued. “She told me that I was being foolish and letting my emotions lead me instead of using my brain. I was angry and I slapped her hand away when she reached out to me. I went to bed and in the morning, they were gone. And that was the last interaction I ever had with my mother.”
Brennan felt Booth’s hand on her back as he scooted closer to her. “You never told me that.”
“I tried not to think about it.” She closed her eyes and kissed the top of her baby’s head. She shifted and leaned against Booth, relishing the feel of his strong arms wrapping around her and their daughter. Even Christine, who was normally so active, seemed content to lie in her parents’ embrace.
“You believe that you really talked to her, don’t you?” Booth’s soft voice questioned.
She hesitated. “I’m still processing it. The idea of God and heaven - I’m not certain I’m ready for that kind of paradigm shift.”
“I have no idea what that means,” he teased her, and she smiled.
“In science, a paradigm is a set of practices that defines a scientific discipline - in Greek, it means ‘pattern.’ But when a new and revolutionary idea comes along, a paradigm shift can occur to accommodate the new information. And in a society, it can also be used to describe a shifting world view. It’s like learning that the earth is round rather than flat, or that the earth revolves around the sun instead of the other way around.”
“But you believe that you did actually talk to her.”
Brennan sighed. “Yes. She told me that my one small problem is that I believe I can understand things that are not understandable. In science everything is understandable given the right information, but this… I don’t know how, and I don’t understand it, but I believe it.”
His arms tightened around her. “Right now that’s all that’s important, Bones. Just believing that you talked to your mother and that she could give you some closure. And you don’t have to shift your paradens for that. You just have to shift gears a little.”
She laughed. “Paradigms, Booth. You do that on purpose.” She relaxed, lulled by the gentle rise and fall of Christine’s chest against hers and the steady stroking of Booth’s fingers against her back. “She had some advice for me.”
His fingers continued moving against her back as he asked, “What advice was that?”
“She said she understood why I latched onto her last words - why I locked my heart away and used my brain. Not allowing myself to feel too much helped me survive. But she said it’s not about surviving now. It’s about living a full life, and she’s right. For some reason I forgot that some of my best memories of my mother were times when we were being silly. We had fun together, and I want that for Christine. I want her to remember me - us - that way.”
Booth kissed her temple. “Then we shift gears a little, and I’ll help you find the silly inside you. It’s gotta be there somewhere - I think the searching part could be fun.”
She smiled at his humorously suggestive tone. “I’ve been silly around you before. And since you have no problem finding your inner child, I have no doubt you’ll be able to find mine.”
“Why do I feel like you just called me immature?”
She turned her head and kissed his jaw. “I want to go to that cabin you mentioned.”
“Ok. And I want us to promise each other something… that we won’t leave the house angry in future. We deal with it before we go to bed, and if it’s something big, we call in late to work if that’s what it takes. But with our jobs, there are too many things that can go wrong, and I don’t want either of us having a guilty conscience if something happens to the other.”
She turned in his arms, careful not to wake Christine as she looked at him. “I probably wouldn’t have agreed to that a few days ago, but now…” she shook her head. “I want our family to be as strong as possible for us and for Christine. In order to make that happen, I know that our priorities have to shift.”
He leaned forward and kissed her slowly, a kiss that communicated so much more than she’d ever believed kisses were capable of communicating. Being with Booth and having Christine had given her so much evidence that the world was simply not as she had believed it to be. Like it or not, and understanding aside, she knew that a paradigm shift had already occurred for her, and the world hadn’t spun off its axis. And if it shifted again, they’d find new ways to look at the world together.
A/N: It has been quite some time since I felt my Bones muse stir, but this episode just called out to me. I hope I captured Booth and Brennan here because it’s been a while since I wrote their characters. I don’t have a beta, so any mistakes are my own. Hopefully, I’ll ease back into some Bones writing. Hope you guys enjoyed it!