Flying Alarm Clock Will Open Your Eyes to Cornea Damage
Forget alarm clocks with loud ringing bells or radio stations to wake you up. Cellphone alarm? A cellphone is for text messaging and sending nude self-portraits to your mates. Dogs or cats aren't alarm clocks. They're just noisy companions who wake you up in the morning because they want you to feed them and spend most of their natural lives shitting and sleeping all over the place (not necessarily in that order, and not to be confused with your girlfriend or spouse).
Therefore, enter the flying alarm clock. Designed with the "Beat the clock" (in more ways than one) concept in mind, the flying alarm clock will shoot out a flying saucer if you fail to hit the snooze button in time (as if the loud, shrieking sound it emits wasn't enough). The side effects of the flying alarm clock include minor eye injuries and foul language (when the user realizes the pleasantness of a shrieking noise at 6am in the morning followed by a flying saucer clocking him directly in the eye, and when said user then realizes that he paid USD$25 for something his wife or girlfriend would gladly have done for free).
The flying alarm clock. Because rich (read: STUPID) people don't want to wake up like the rest of us.