(no subject)

Apr 26, 2005 21:05

you really wanna know whats going on,here's the story. No one really knows what has been going on in my life, especially the fact that everynight i lie awake and slowly let go of everything around me. I tear down every friendship that I have made because I feel like no one understands, when i know that fact is is that I can't stand having people that care about me. Point blank I hate the fact that no one understands me, no one ever has, and beleive me I have tried. No one understands why every night i cut away at my wrists, not enough to leave scars just enough to hurt. I don't even know why i push myself so hard that i make up ridiculus excuses for the way i am. I'm ready to change, change everything i claim myslef as. And to me in my demented mind that means leaving everyone that signaled a part of myself that i hate behind. I am sorry if i hurt anyone's feelings cause i truly did not mean that, but no one on this earth knows me. I don't even know me. I don't even know why. So you can chalk this little comment up to Keali feeling sorry for herself again, whatever, all i know is that it seems like everyone has the opportunity to not worry about where their life goes, and I don't. I have to worry about how much money i make because i have to take care of my parents, who are mounting the age of retirement, and will not be able to pay for anything i do. You can't tell me how that feels,because you don't know, no one knows that feeling, the feeling of having to pay for everything you dothe feeling of looking in the fridge and knowing that there's no food. You wanna know why i don't go out and do things with guys or suggest things, because I can't afford it. so you know whats wrong, decide for yourself.
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