A Well Respected Man (Chapter 9b - Song Fic)
(I found the banner on takarai_karin's Morgan/Reid rec list :D)
Title: A Well Respected Man (Chapter 9b - Song Fic)
Author: ar_poe
Rating: PG/PG-13
Pairing: Morgan/Reid
Warnings: Drug recovery, very mild slash (all fluff)
Summary: Spoilers for 'The Big Game' and 'Revelations.' What happened during Dr. Reid's group therapy and throughout his recovery.
Chapter 1 can be found here.
Chapter 2 can be found here.
Chapter 3 can be found here.
Chapter 4 can be found here.
Chapter 5 can be found here.
Chapter 6 can be found here.
Chapter 7 can be found here.
Chapter 8 can be found here.
Chapter 9 can be found here.
And my accompanying picspam can be found here.
A/N: This is a song fic, but it also goes hand-in-hand with A Well Respected Man, just kind of as a Chapter 9b? I heard this song, and I immediately thought of Spencer and Derek.
Disclaimer: I do not own Criminal Minds, nor do I own the song 'Bent.' It is the work of Matchbox Twenty.
Chapter 9b
Spencer awoke early in the morning to a strange whining sound coming from... somewhere. He pushed the fog from his mind and slowly opened his eyes. At first, he saw Derek laying next to him still asleep, so his eyes kept moving, trying to find where the mysterious noise was coming from. Spencer searched the room and finally found the culprit: Clooney.
Clooney was sitting on his hind legs next to the bed, his leash in his mouth, looking up at the bed innocently, and whining. Spencer deflated, climbed his way over Derek, and stood up. He slid on pants and a button-up shirt, causing Clooney to jump up immediately and begin wagging his tale as he followed Spencer around the room as he gathered his shoes and coat.
“You're just like your daddy, you know that?” Spence asked the dog, who in response, dropped the leash at Spencer's feet.
“Acting all cute and innocent to get what you want....” Spencer bent down and attached the leash to Clooney's collar, and then tied his own shoes.
“Works, though, doesn't it?” Derek mumbled sleepily.
“Oh, good, you're awake. You can come with us.” Spencer answered, shooting his own cute and innocent look at Derek, knowing he wouldn't be able to resist.
“Don't give me that.” Derek said, turning his head away from Spencer's puppy-eyes look and sat up. Clooney was getting impatient and was trying his best to scramble towards the door despite Spencer's hold on his leash.
“Come on, Derek.” Spencer was getting impatient as well. He had slept well, despite staying up late, and now he was rejuvenated and ready to go.
“I'm goin', I'm goin'...” Derek stood up and gathered his clothes, and within a few minutes, was ready to go as well.
Once outside, Clooney decided that he wanted to go the park across the street from the apartment building, instead of his usual street corner. And so, with Clooney in the lead, Derek and Spencer followed at the end of the leash.
Derek and Spencer sat down under a tree while they watched Clooney play with the other dogs in the dog park.
“You should really brush that hair sometime, Pretty Boy.” Spencer frowned and self consciously ran his hand through his hair. Derek smiled and laughed. “I'm just teasin', babe.”
“You like my hair...” Spencer mumbled, looking throughout the park and spotting Clooney.
“I love your hair, and I love you.” Spencer turned back to Derek, beaming.
“I love you, too.” Spencer replied, looking back through the park to keep an eye on Clooney.
Spencer smiled at that and laid his head on Derek's shoulder. It's so nice out today, Spencer thought. He felt good, today was one of his good days. He hadn't felt like using in months, and it had been weeks since he felt any sadness that wasn't related to their work. He felt like he actually was recovering, and nothing was going to get in his way. He smiled to himself as all of these thoughts rolled throughout his head, and for once, his mind wasn't overwhelming.
Spencer pulled his knees closer to himself and closed his eyes as the sun rose just a little and shined on his face. He was vaguely aware of Derek talking, but he was so comfortable sitting here so close to him, and his mind was so relaxed... He was in a strange state of being at that moment. He felt tingly, like he was floating, and the sun felt so good...
But as quickly as this enlightened state came about, it was ripped away, and Spencer found himself sitting in this same position against a tree, only tied and bound, in the woods outside of Tobias Hankel's cabin. He had been starved and tortured, and he was just coming out of a Dilaudid high when he felt his head roll down and to the side as he came to. He felt like he was dying, he knew he was going to die, and none of them were going to be there in time... Spencer coughed, and blinked rapidly as his eyes adjusted, mumbling “I'm sorry... I'm sorry...” over and over again as he remembered that Tobias had left to butcher that innocent woman... --
“Spencer!”
- “I don't want it. I don't want it...” Spencer didn't even know anymore if he was actually talking out loud or if he was only thinking. He didn't even know if he could even think anymore. Maybe he was already dead. “You can't tell me that it doesn't help.” Tobias said, injecting the needle, but it did help, Spencer thought. It did help, he knew it helped, and his head rolled back, and he was once again thrown back into the troubles of his childhood... -
“I don't want it.... I don't want it...” Spencer mumbled over and over.
“Spencer. Wake up... Spencer... Spence!” Finally, Derek grabbed Spencer by the shoulders and shook. When his eyes shot open and he gasped for air, his eyes darted a mile a minute.
“Spencer.” Derek whispered, grabbing the sides of his face and holding him steady to look in his eyes. “It was just a dream.”
If I fall along the way,
Pick me up and dust me off.
And if I get too tired to make it,
Be my breath so I can walk.
Spencer relaxed slightly and continued to look around. He looked down and examined his wrists and then the tree, still almost panicking. “A dream...”
“Just a dream.” Derek repeated quietly but sternly.
Spencer finally looked into Derek's eyes, close to tears, and allowed Derek to keep his hands on his face. “Can we go home.” Spencer didn't even ask, he just whispered and rapidly blinked away the tears. Derek watched him for a few more seconds, but Spencer just lowered his head and waited for Derek to respond.
If I need some other love,
Give me more than I can stand.
And when my smile gets old and faded,
Wait around, I'll smile again.
Shouldn't be so complicated -
Just hold me and then
Just hold me again.
Derek called Clooney over and attached his leash when he returned. Spencer stood up on wobbly legs and slipped his hand in Derek's free hand, and followed him home, keeping his eyes on the ground.
When they walked into the apartment, Derek lead Spencer to the couch and turned on the television. Spencer barely paused, he immediately sat down and laid his head in Derek's lap. He began running his hand through Spencer's hair, every so often transferring his gaze from the tv to Spencer, but decided to give Spencer time.
After twenty minutes of Derek stroking his hair, and rubbing his back, he focused on Spencer's breathing rather than the tv. “What did you dream?” Derek whispered.
Can you help me I'm bent.
I'm so scared that I'll never
Get put back together...
You're breaking me in.
And this is how we will end
With you and me bent.
Spencer's breath caught in his throat and he sank himself further into the couch and closer to Derek. “The cabin.” He sniffed and rubbed his eyes, but then laughed morbidly. “It's funny how you think you're over something, and then something as simple as a tree brings it all rushing back...”
Derek brushed Spencer's hair out of his face. “A tree? What are you talking about?”
If I couldn't sleep could you sleep?
Could you paint me better off?
Could you sympathize with my needs?
I know you think I need a lot.
“I was just,” Spencer took in a deep, shuddering breath, “sitting there against the tree, and when I closed my eyes I was back at his cabin, tied up to the tree...”
“Those memories will always be there. I don't know how to make it better.” Derek said sadly.
I started out clean but I'm jaded.
Just phoning it in,
Just breaking the skin.
Can you help me I'm bent.
I'm so scared that I'll never
Get put back together...
You're breaking me in,
And this is how we will end -
With you and me bent...
“I know. You don't need to make it better. But at least now I have someone to wake up to.” Spencer smiled. “It doesn't really bother me too much anymore. I mean, it bothers me, but I've learned a lot...” He pulled the necklace out from under his shirt for Derek to see. “Haven't taken it off yet.” Spencer smiled again, and Derek smiled back, bending his head down to kiss the side of Spencer's head.
Start bending me.
Its never enough.
I feel all your pieces.
Start bending me.
Keep bending me until I'm completely broken in.
“You know something?” Spencer asked, curling himself up again just a little bit, and nuzzling his head back in Derek's lap.
“What's that?” Derek started smoothing Spencer's hair down again, running his hand through the softness of his dark brown hair.
“You're the reason I haven't relapsed.”
Derek didn't know what to say to that, so he didn't say anything at first. He didn't know what to think, or whether or not that revelation was a good thing. He tensed and looked down at the back of Spencer's head. “It would hurt me more knowing that I hurt you, and I wouldn't be able to live with that.”
Shouldn't be so complicated.
Just touch me and then
Just touch me again.
Derek removed his hand from Spencer's head, and placed it on top of Spencer's that was sitting on Derek's knee, and intertwined their fingers. Spencer closed his eyes and sighed, loving how Derek always seemed to understand exactly what he always meant.
Can you help me I'm bent.
I'm so scared that I'll never
Get put back together.
“You know what I think?” Derek asked after a few minutes.
“What?” Spencer answered quietly.
“I think we saved each other.”
You're breaking me in.
And this is how we will end -
With you and me bent.
A/N: Chapter 10 will be up soon, I'm having some trouble with this one because I screwed up a few things, and got some time-references messed up. Hope you enjoyed Chapter 9b/Chapter 10 Part 1! Review, yeah?
How I envision Clooney:
