(Untitled)

[podmore_sturgis]

I was out for a smoke, eh, and suddenly I saw someone apparate in the wrong place. Death by fence is pretty fucking bloody. Makes me not want to apparate for the next hour or something, but I doubt I'd be able to live without apparition anymore, eh. Here in this book, I, Sturgis V. Podmore, declare that if I were to die so stupidly, I would

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[gid_prewett]

I, Gideon Octvaian Prewett, hereby swear that if those cocklickers want to give you, Sturgis V. Podmore, a remembrance ceremony in the Atrium, I will do everything I can to disrupt it, using shadow puppets, Fabian's lace knickers, and streaking if necessary.

[podmore_sturgis]

I actually miss having those ceremonies to skive off work. The one for McGann was a bloody riot.

[gid_prewett]

Riot and a complete bundle of LIES. McGann was such a bastard, I can't believe the sodding Junior Secretary of my arse had the nerve to refer to him as a 'good citizen' and all that other shite. Speak not ill of the dead, sure, but make everyone think he wasn't the biggest horse buggering cunt I've met in a while? Fuck off!

[podmore_sturgis]

Well! I'm sure he did his good deeds, probably. Just noticed how that is a contradiction.

Anyway, Fevermont asked me to write his obituary, since apparently nobody else wanted to. All I had to do was remember all those fond words spoken at the Atrium. This was also the only time I had a reason to write the word "perspicacity". I just hope I don't become the official obituary writer. Eh, unless I cash more money, that is. If so, then Nondescript Apparition Victim, you're next!

One more thing, streaking? Do you do that during Christmas too?

[gid_prewett]

Perswhatnow? And don't do a damned thing for them unless they pay, Pod.

Except the bloke on the fence. You should write a real gory one for that bugger. OHO. Pick up one of those romance novels from a Muggle shop and use the descriptions in there for the fence bloke. It'll be interesting to say the least.

When I was a kid I did all the time. Didn't discriminate against Christmas.

[podmore_sturgis]

Eh, Pod? What the fuck?

It's hard to describe someone's hair in the wind when their hair is actually wet and dripping blood, though, isn't it?

OH FUCK. From now on, we will only communicate through these books, all right?

[gid_prewett]

Doesn't matter.

Drops of blood flying off in the wind? Oh that's disgusting.

NOT ANYMORE, PODMORE.

[podmore_sturgis]

Eh, sure, Prew.

I can look at a rainy scene for help, eh?

THAT'S REALLY GREAT, BUT YOUR TRADITION OF CELEBRATING NO ONE'S FUNERALS DURING CHRIS TMAS MAKES ME THINK OTHERWISE

[gid_prewett]

Just don't die around Christmas, then!

[podmore_sturgis]

To make this clear, you don't have a reputation of cheering up funerals by streaking, right?

[gid_prewett]

You'll see when the next bugger at work dies, which should be any day now at the rate they're going.

[podmore_sturgis]

I guess it's time to apply the secrets of constant vigilance about now.

[gid_prewett]

Not in public, that's not real vigilant, now is it?

[podmore_sturgis]

I think the point is to be vigilant all the bloody time, Gideon.