Ugh
I'm not sure what's going on with me today...I'm very cranky. There's something about being home that leaves me feeling incredibly disconnected from my life. You'd think being at home with my family would be the ultimate connection to who I am but for some reason, that just isn't the case. I don't like who I used to be when I lived here. I hate the me from high school and I avoid seeing the people that remind me of that person. And I don't like feeling like I'm missing out on everything in Jupiter. Like everyone is doing all sorts of exciting things without me...which is ridiculous because its not like we do too many fun and exciting things there when I am around. I don't know...I think I'm irrational. And maybe I'm going crazy. That's kind of how I feel lately. I don't know what to do with myself. I'm getting all sorts of things done...my grad school apps, studying for my GRE, getting ready for the holidays...but I'm not into any of it.
I'm too busy being lonely. I still haven't fully recovered from the recent boyfriend loss. I just want desperately to be held and wanted and cared for. I don't know where to turn. I'm scared to try to find someone new, to trust someone again because I only seem to get hurt. I wish I could see into the future and know how things would work out. Even if I couldn't change how they went, it would just be nice to know so I could be prepared for it. I just don't want to get my hopes up more times because its not really worth it. I don't know...I wish someone could give me some advice.
But other than all that...its almost Christmas. I've been helping my mom make cookies that we can't eat. Woo hoo. Tomorrow I'm driving to spend the morning with Sherry and then coming back to spend the rest of the day with my mom and grandparents. Sherry has been bitching lately that I don't spend enough time with her...I think she may have forgotten that she was the one that left, but whatever. I'm going to be using the week to get some shit done--Tuesday I'm getting my car washed and waxed (because today a flock of gigantic birds shat all over it) and getting my hair cut finally and going to dinner with my grandparents and mom. Then on Wednesday I'm dyeing my hair and hanging out with my friend Yvette...hopefully going out to her friend's band's show and getting my drink on. Thursday, more quality Sherry time. Friday, god only knows. Saturday is my mom's birthday so I'm cooking dinner for her and I might head back to Jupiter late that night but if not, I'm definitely coming back on Sunday for some hardcore partying. I need some fun big time. And maybe some lovin' lol. I wish...
Anyway, I should finish working on those cookies now, yay!
I'm too busy being lonely. I still haven't fully recovered from the recent boyfriend loss. I just want desperately to be held and wanted and cared for. I don't know where to turn. I'm scared to try to find someone new, to trust someone again because I only seem to get hurt. I wish I could see into the future and know how things would work out. Even if I couldn't change how they went, it would just be nice to know so I could be prepared for it. I just don't want to get my hopes up more times because its not really worth it. I don't know...I wish someone could give me some advice.
But other than all that...its almost Christmas. I've been helping my mom make cookies that we can't eat. Woo hoo. Tomorrow I'm driving to spend the morning with Sherry and then coming back to spend the rest of the day with my mom and grandparents. Sherry has been bitching lately that I don't spend enough time with her...I think she may have forgotten that she was the one that left, but whatever. I'm going to be using the week to get some shit done--Tuesday I'm getting my car washed and waxed (because today a flock of gigantic birds shat all over it) and getting my hair cut finally and going to dinner with my grandparents and mom. Then on Wednesday I'm dyeing my hair and hanging out with my friend Yvette...hopefully going out to her friend's band's show and getting my drink on. Thursday, more quality Sherry time. Friday, god only knows. Saturday is my mom's birthday so I'm cooking dinner for her and I might head back to Jupiter late that night but if not, I'm definitely coming back on Sunday for some hardcore partying. I need some fun big time. And maybe some lovin' lol. I wish...
Anyway, I should finish working on those cookies now, yay!