Grown up... finding the self that was there all along.
I was always there, though I didn't realize it.
My mind was a cloud; his words made me realize it.
Summer came, my life as I knew it was shattered.. in a good way.
I said goodbye, I knew nothing would ever be the same.
I went to college. I learned to think. I learned to question. He made me learn to question. Want to question. Love the question, the pursuit of the answer, and discovering knowledge.
And then. I found him.
Oh Lord... it took so long, so so long. Oh, but you were always there, silent, but holding me close. As a father. As a lover. I have always been your most beloved, even when I shattered my heart. I took a hammer and ran from you to find you.
Oh Lord, I ran for so long. I questioned, and I would find a glimpse of you, and then you'd be gone. Not really gone, but I couldn't see you, no.
Oh, and then. Then brick by brick, page by page, I built my knowledge of you. You built your foundation in my heart. And then sometimes I could see you! Yes! For a moment I would see your face, and accept your loving embrace. Oh Lord.. oh Lord, your power. and your love, so sweet. So healing.
I began to find myself. Oh look, she's pretty. Oh look, she can smile! And she can put her foot out there, and she can pick
her
self
up again.
And again.
And again.
And then she can learn to see you there, down there at the bottom.
Your reached out your hand; my heart would burst with an anticipation of your love. I would find your joy.
And then I wouldn't understand it, and push it out again. Out. And then you'd be gone.
And then, that one day, I trusted you. I listened, and cried out. I begged you, though you would give it to me for free. You gave me Your strength. And I looked into their eyes and saw your love.
Oh Lord, you gave me your strength. And I realize that if you first love them, they will love you in return.
But then I learned that people are fickle.
I learned it the hard way, though I was doing my best not to let it happen.
Oh Lord, they left me.
And it hurt; it hurts.
But then you picked me up again, and I learned that life is about standing up again. And it's okay, because you are there, and you will never leave.
And then came Sunday. And Church. And Family. And that Sunday I learned that you didn't have to die for me.
You didn't have to take my every sin on your shoulders, and face death itself to free me.
Oh Lord, were you frightened at the cross? You would have given it up if you could have. But you were bound to that cross; not by nails, no. But by Love. My love held you there. You separated yourself from everything good, because you were dying to hold me close.
And Jesus, you hold me close because you love me. You've always been there, just as I have; I've been myself all along, even though I was hiding. But you found me, and you gave me to the world, because what's me about me is You shining through me. And when I'm beautiful is when people see Jesus in my eyes. And when I'm happy, it's because you're smiling in my heart, and when my heart is full and bursting, you are dancing for joy.
My mind was a cloud; his words made me realize it.
Summer came, my life as I knew it was shattered.. in a good way.
I said goodbye, I knew nothing would ever be the same.
I went to college. I learned to think. I learned to question. He made me learn to question. Want to question. Love the question, the pursuit of the answer, and discovering knowledge.
And then. I found him.
Oh Lord... it took so long, so so long. Oh, but you were always there, silent, but holding me close. As a father. As a lover. I have always been your most beloved, even when I shattered my heart. I took a hammer and ran from you to find you.
Oh Lord, I ran for so long. I questioned, and I would find a glimpse of you, and then you'd be gone. Not really gone, but I couldn't see you, no.
Oh, and then. Then brick by brick, page by page, I built my knowledge of you. You built your foundation in my heart. And then sometimes I could see you! Yes! For a moment I would see your face, and accept your loving embrace. Oh Lord.. oh Lord, your power. and your love, so sweet. So healing.
I began to find myself. Oh look, she's pretty. Oh look, she can smile! And she can put her foot out there, and she can pick
her
self
up again.
And again.
And again.
And then she can learn to see you there, down there at the bottom.
Your reached out your hand; my heart would burst with an anticipation of your love. I would find your joy.
And then I wouldn't understand it, and push it out again. Out. And then you'd be gone.
And then, that one day, I trusted you. I listened, and cried out. I begged you, though you would give it to me for free. You gave me Your strength. And I looked into their eyes and saw your love.
Oh Lord, you gave me your strength. And I realize that if you first love them, they will love you in return.
But then I learned that people are fickle.
I learned it the hard way, though I was doing my best not to let it happen.
Oh Lord, they left me.
And it hurt; it hurts.
But then you picked me up again, and I learned that life is about standing up again. And it's okay, because you are there, and you will never leave.
And then came Sunday. And Church. And Family. And that Sunday I learned that you didn't have to die for me.
You didn't have to take my every sin on your shoulders, and face death itself to free me.
Oh Lord, were you frightened at the cross? You would have given it up if you could have. But you were bound to that cross; not by nails, no. But by Love. My love held you there. You separated yourself from everything good, because you were dying to hold me close.
And Jesus, you hold me close because you love me. You've always been there, just as I have; I've been myself all along, even though I was hiding. But you found me, and you gave me to the world, because what's me about me is You shining through me. And when I'm beautiful is when people see Jesus in my eyes. And when I'm happy, it's because you're smiling in my heart, and when my heart is full and bursting, you are dancing for joy.