director's cut of a tumblr post from last week

[pocochina]

This a subject that I've  had so many thoughts about for so long that I could never quite figure out how to pin them all down into a structure. Then I spitballed a reblog on tumblr a while back and, because I was just intending to make a quick comment, ended up accidentally forcing myself into organization. So here is the greatly-expanded version

Comments

[percysowner]

The first is that we see the scene through Sam’s POV, so we know he perceived himself as having had agency in the whole thing, and I'm uncomfortable defining the incident so hard against his own perception of it. And yet - he is incredibly psychologically compromised, he's drinking, he says no a whole bunch of times; I'm really uncomfortable ignoring that, too.

Well women who have sex when they are drunk often blame themselves and see themselves as having agency and being WRONG to have sex, instead of calling it rape. It is hard to think of yourself as a victim, especially when society still defines rape as an act of overt violence. Doctor Phil (okay, not a sterling example of anything) actually tweeted "‘If a girl is drunk, is it OK to have sex with her?". Rape is still primarily seen as being a man forcing someone else, so I think it would be very hard for Sam to even conceive that he did not have agency during the sex with Ruby. Plus Sam has always wanted to be in control of his life, so perceiving himself as NOT being in control during the sex would go against his basic self-concept. Your post on no you should not analyze characters on what they say about themselves gives really good examples of this.

I didn't think Sam was raped when I first saw the episode. Then my daughter majored in women's studies and we got to talking about what rape is exactly. She also had a friend come home acting as if something had gone terribly wrong during a date where she was drunk, but the friend could not even consider that she was not at fault and not in control. So, in retrospect, I think Sam was raped by Ruby, who used his own need to be in control to make him feel guilty about the sex, instead of controlled by her. Frankly, my own head theory is that since Ruby made sure the sex was fairly violent, I also think that this was how she got Sam ingesting her blood. We saw in Heart that Sam was an active sex partner and I think there was some light biting there. Rough him up, nick herself during sex and get it in his mouth. The next day they start practicing and his powers start to grow. It would be an easy con. Sam's powers flare and then a few days later, they wane. Ruby plays dumb, "What was different, what changed?" Oh, you bit me during, you know. Azazel bled in your mouth to mark you. Could demon blood make your powers stronger?" Since we never got a real explanation of how Ruby got Sam to even THINK about drinking her blood, I've always thought the first time had to be an "accident" and the sex scene is one place where such an accident could have happened. If I'm right, then the rape was twofold, not only was it sexual, but it was the beginning of Ruby gaining power over Sam by making him need her blood to fight demons.

[pocochina]

It's a really thorny thing. I mean, the fact that she was working so hard to play him shows that she knows she is undermining his autonomy; I'm somewhat okay with using the word "dubcon" about fiction but I certainly wouldn't IRL, so we're already in very hinky territory.

But yeah, I think that's a really important angle to it, that Sam would not be willing or even able to wrap his head around because most people aren't, men in particular, and Sam specifically because he works so hard to seize some autonomy, so even what he thinks isn't necessarily reliable. And on top of that, what we see isn't all of what happened, it's what he told Dean (nothing about the blood drinking comes up, after all), and on some level Dean's scrutiny trips him into circling the wagons and defending his relationship with her.

tbh I think encounters after that are of extremely questionable consent in a way I don't see talked about very often? Because regardless of if someone shares my read on the demon blood (that it's effectively self-medication for a chronic condition) or if they think it's "just" a recreational drug, chemical dependence is chemical dependence. Someone who can hold shit you need over your head like that is...I lean heavily toward presuming coercion there.

my own head theory is that since Ruby made sure the sex was fairly violent, I also think that this was how she got Sam ingesting her blood. We saw in Heart that Sam was an active sex partner and I think there was some light biting there. Rough him up, nick herself during sex and get it in his mouth.

That is bone-chilling but I absolutely buy it.