Examination Room #3
I mostly blame nimblnymph and her poll for this, but everyone else who commented and wrote drabbles is at fault too. D:< Why are you distracting me from the Poe challenge?!
Title: Examination Room #3
Fandom: Naruto
Pairing: Kakashi/Sakura
Rating: PG-13 for brief sexual implications
Summary: Kakashi + Sakura + a cat named Yamato
“I don't like him.”
“How can you say that? He's so cute!”
“No, it's not. It's ugly and deformed. If you want cute, I can show you something much better~”
The sound of a zipper can be heard undone. Naruto pressed his cheek flat against the door, eyes wide in shock and cheeks far too red to pass off as a slight fever.
“Naruto, get your face off Sakura's door. She already caught you peeping last week, so don't bother doing it again.”
The blonde hurriedly clamped his hand over Tsunade's mouth with the most serious of glares.
“Shhh! Kakashi and Sakura got a lover's quarrel going on,” he let out a snicker. “I think he's gonna...you know... make up for it.”
Tsunade's eyes shifted to regard her assistant with concern.
“And by make up for it, I mean-”
“We get it, Naruto,” Shizune interrupted him. She sighed and looked at Tsunade who was prying Naruto's hand off her face. “We have too many patients to get to right now, and any matter concerning Kakashi and Sakura is none of our-”
“Yamato is way cuter than your dick!”
. . .
Three ears were instantly leaning against the white door of Examination Room #3.
“And put that away. I see it enough at night. I don't need to see it at work, too.”
“You're hurting my feelings.”
“You're hurting Yamato's feelings!”
“Yamato's like a naked rat. It doesn't need your attention.”
A gasp from Sakura's lips. “You take that back! I found him on the streets, practically starved to death! Of course he needed my attention!”
Naruto tapped Tsunade's shoulder. “Yamato-senpai was homeless?”
She shrugged. “I'm drunk more than half the day. What do I know?”
Shizune frowned. “And you're the Hokage...”
“Quit calling Yamato 'it.' You treat him like a used napkin.”
Kakashi could be heard sighing, zipping his pants back up. “Can't you just replace him with a puppy instead?”
“Oh, you and dogs. Just because Yamato's not a dog, you have to abuse the poor guy?”
“Correct. And I'm not abusing it as bad as you think.”
“You threw him off the roof.”
“It- He- lands on his feet.”
“You threw him the same way you throw a baseball,” she deadpanned.
“Yeah, and he still came back.”
Footsteps echoed down the hospital corridor, alerting three highly-suspicious eavesdroppers. Genma stopped on his path. The senbon twirled slowly from one side of his mouth to the other. Walk past them and pretend he didn't see three ninjas shushing him, or walk the other way and pretend he didn't see them.
“Why can't it just be you, me, and Yamato?”
Genma didn't really have to make much of a choice after hearing that. Four ears against the door.
“Three is too much for the apartment, I hate the smell of tuna, and....oh yeah....I don't like him.”
Genma gave a skeptical look to Naruto. “Yamato smells like tuna?”
“Apparently. He was living on the streets til Sakura took him in.”
Genma nodded in understanding, though he was baffled how Yamato could be homeless when the guy popped up cabins like nothing.
“Three is too much? You let Pakkun and the others roam around the place perfectly well. We have muddy prints on the carpet all the time!”
“I like Pakkun. And could you not call them 'the others'? Their names are Shiba, Bisuke, Akino, Guruko, Uhei, Urushi, and Bull.”
Sakura groaned in frustation. “I can't believe this. Could you not at least ask them-I mean, Shiba, Bisuke, Akino, Guruko, Uhei, Urushi, Bull, and Pakkun-to be nicer to Yamato? They scare him to death!”
“Good.”
“What was that?”
“I said, dogs are very defensive of their territory. I can't help their behavior. Ask Kiba.”
“This is ridiculous.”
“I agree. So why can't we get rid of Yamato?”
“Because he's too cute!”
There was a long moment of silence. For a short minute, the lovers' audience thought that might have been the end of it. Shizune was already getting off her knees to get back to work when she heard him.
“You love me more than him, right?”
Shizune was immediately back on the door.
“Of course I do.”
“Problem solved. Get rid of Yamato. No sex until you do.”
“You wouldn't!”
“Starting right now. See you at home, darling~”
The door clicked, and suddenly Tsunade was discussing with Shizune over the medical papers in her hand, Naruto was checking out the vending machine across the hallway, and Genma was searching for the senbon that was between his teeth only seconds ago.
Kakashi stepped out and paused to recognize the awkward scene. Sakura mistakenly bumped into his back, scrawling away on the forms for Kakashi's physical. Realizing that her scene in the medical room was not as private as she would have liked, Kakashi would not let her keep Yamato, and that she was not getting laid until the poor creature was in a cardboard box on the sidewalk, she shoved her lover out of the doorway, storming furiously through the hospital. Kakashi took his time to follow after.
The four traded glances at each other, pondering if their secret little show had truly and honestly taken place. Genma shrugged, his fingers on the senbon that just happened to appear in his pocket. He left to turn the corner with a wave good-bye. “Hey, sometimes threesomes just don't work out.”
“Whose threesome isn't working out?”
For the actual first time, Genma's senbon really did fall out of his lips. Naruto froze up, while Shizune and Tsunade practically sobbed tears in sympathy.
Genma patted the poor guy on the shoulder. “At least I don't think you smell like tuna.”
Naruto piped in with a sniffling frown. “I'll buy you ramen for the rest of this week, Yamato-sensei!”
Shizune gave him a hug. “Don't take Kakashi's words to heart. I'm sure he doesn't mean it.”
Tsunade wiped her tears. “I'll give you tomorrow off. You'll need it.” Then she gave a cross look at him. “Just tomorrow.”
Yamato nodded, not really going to refuse the extra day off. Though, he wasn't quite sure what the fuck was going on.
Title: Examination Room #3
Fandom: Naruto
Pairing: Kakashi/Sakura
Rating: PG-13 for brief sexual implications
Summary: Kakashi + Sakura + a cat named Yamato
“I don't like him.”
“How can you say that? He's so cute!”
“No, it's not. It's ugly and deformed. If you want cute, I can show you something much better~”
The sound of a zipper can be heard undone. Naruto pressed his cheek flat against the door, eyes wide in shock and cheeks far too red to pass off as a slight fever.
“Naruto, get your face off Sakura's door. She already caught you peeping last week, so don't bother doing it again.”
The blonde hurriedly clamped his hand over Tsunade's mouth with the most serious of glares.
“Shhh! Kakashi and Sakura got a lover's quarrel going on,” he let out a snicker. “I think he's gonna...you know... make up for it.”
Tsunade's eyes shifted to regard her assistant with concern.
“And by make up for it, I mean-”
“We get it, Naruto,” Shizune interrupted him. She sighed and looked at Tsunade who was prying Naruto's hand off her face. “We have too many patients to get to right now, and any matter concerning Kakashi and Sakura is none of our-”
“Yamato is way cuter than your dick!”
. . .
Three ears were instantly leaning against the white door of Examination Room #3.
“And put that away. I see it enough at night. I don't need to see it at work, too.”
“You're hurting my feelings.”
“You're hurting Yamato's feelings!”
“Yamato's like a naked rat. It doesn't need your attention.”
A gasp from Sakura's lips. “You take that back! I found him on the streets, practically starved to death! Of course he needed my attention!”
Naruto tapped Tsunade's shoulder. “Yamato-senpai was homeless?”
She shrugged. “I'm drunk more than half the day. What do I know?”
Shizune frowned. “And you're the Hokage...”
“Quit calling Yamato 'it.' You treat him like a used napkin.”
Kakashi could be heard sighing, zipping his pants back up. “Can't you just replace him with a puppy instead?”
“Oh, you and dogs. Just because Yamato's not a dog, you have to abuse the poor guy?”
“Correct. And I'm not abusing it as bad as you think.”
“You threw him off the roof.”
“It- He- lands on his feet.”
“You threw him the same way you throw a baseball,” she deadpanned.
“Yeah, and he still came back.”
Footsteps echoed down the hospital corridor, alerting three highly-suspicious eavesdroppers. Genma stopped on his path. The senbon twirled slowly from one side of his mouth to the other. Walk past them and pretend he didn't see three ninjas shushing him, or walk the other way and pretend he didn't see them.
“Why can't it just be you, me, and Yamato?”
Genma didn't really have to make much of a choice after hearing that. Four ears against the door.
“Three is too much for the apartment, I hate the smell of tuna, and....oh yeah....I don't like him.”
Genma gave a skeptical look to Naruto. “Yamato smells like tuna?”
“Apparently. He was living on the streets til Sakura took him in.”
Genma nodded in understanding, though he was baffled how Yamato could be homeless when the guy popped up cabins like nothing.
“Three is too much? You let Pakkun and the others roam around the place perfectly well. We have muddy prints on the carpet all the time!”
“I like Pakkun. And could you not call them 'the others'? Their names are Shiba, Bisuke, Akino, Guruko, Uhei, Urushi, and Bull.”
Sakura groaned in frustation. “I can't believe this. Could you not at least ask them-I mean, Shiba, Bisuke, Akino, Guruko, Uhei, Urushi, Bull, and Pakkun-to be nicer to Yamato? They scare him to death!”
“Good.”
“What was that?”
“I said, dogs are very defensive of their territory. I can't help their behavior. Ask Kiba.”
“This is ridiculous.”
“I agree. So why can't we get rid of Yamato?”
“Because he's too cute!”
There was a long moment of silence. For a short minute, the lovers' audience thought that might have been the end of it. Shizune was already getting off her knees to get back to work when she heard him.
“You love me more than him, right?”
Shizune was immediately back on the door.
“Of course I do.”
“Problem solved. Get rid of Yamato. No sex until you do.”
“You wouldn't!”
“Starting right now. See you at home, darling~”
The door clicked, and suddenly Tsunade was discussing with Shizune over the medical papers in her hand, Naruto was checking out the vending machine across the hallway, and Genma was searching for the senbon that was between his teeth only seconds ago.
Kakashi stepped out and paused to recognize the awkward scene. Sakura mistakenly bumped into his back, scrawling away on the forms for Kakashi's physical. Realizing that her scene in the medical room was not as private as she would have liked, Kakashi would not let her keep Yamato, and that she was not getting laid until the poor creature was in a cardboard box on the sidewalk, she shoved her lover out of the doorway, storming furiously through the hospital. Kakashi took his time to follow after.
The four traded glances at each other, pondering if their secret little show had truly and honestly taken place. Genma shrugged, his fingers on the senbon that just happened to appear in his pocket. He left to turn the corner with a wave good-bye. “Hey, sometimes threesomes just don't work out.”
“Whose threesome isn't working out?”
For the actual first time, Genma's senbon really did fall out of his lips. Naruto froze up, while Shizune and Tsunade practically sobbed tears in sympathy.
Genma patted the poor guy on the shoulder. “At least I don't think you smell like tuna.”
Naruto piped in with a sniffling frown. “I'll buy you ramen for the rest of this week, Yamato-sensei!”
Shizune gave him a hug. “Don't take Kakashi's words to heart. I'm sure he doesn't mean it.”
Tsunade wiped her tears. “I'll give you tomorrow off. You'll need it.” Then she gave a cross look at him. “Just tomorrow.”
Yamato nodded, not really going to refuse the extra day off. Though, he wasn't quite sure what the fuck was going on.