original - linens and things
The first of several ficlets with related prompts but unrelated content. A personal challenge to write only dialogue. I like this a lot.
The prompt was "king."
***
Linens and Things
December 5, 1998
"This is the most pointless thing I've ever done. It's also the gayest thing I've ever done."
"I wouldn't be so quick to say that. I can think of some pretty gay things you've done recently, and I'm not just talking about the three new pairs of shoes you just bought."
"Shut up. I like shoes, okay? Like you should talk, Mr. My-closets-are-so-full-of-clothes-my-boyfriend-is-living-out-of-boxes-a-month-after-moving-in."
"Actually, my friends just call me Danny."
"You're hysterical."
"Thank you, I'll be here all week. Don't forget to tip your waitresses."
"Hysterical and cliché and a clothes horse. What more could I ask for?"
"A salesperson, actually, would be good."
"I still think this is stupid. You have a perfectly nice bed. I have a perfectly nice bed. In your--our house, we have two perfectly nice beds. There is no earthly reason why we need to go out and buy another one."
"It's a gesture! It's a symbolic thing. We're starting a new chapter of our lives, Alan! We are beginning the first of what I hope will be many, many years together, and we should start completely fresh. Plus, I've always wanted a king-sized bed and this is the perfect excuse for it."
"You're crazy."
"Come on! Live in the moment! Be spontaneous!"
"I just don't see the point in wasting money on something we don't need. I'm sorry if I was brought up to be fiscally cautious."
"Alan. Seriously. Your father's like, a millionaire. You were brought up with a maid and a cook and ballroom dancing lessons at a country club."
"Let me rephrase that. Living practically below the poverty line as a public school teacher has led me to be fiscally cautious."
"Well now you don't have to be! It's a celebration of your good fortune."
"My good fortune of convincing someone who makes substantially more money than I do to sleep with me?"
"You forgot the part where I'm also very handsome."
"Moderately wealthy, handsome, and a lunatic. I guess you have to take the good with the bad..."
"Are you planning on making fun of me all night?"
"...Yes."
"Okay, can you do it while looking at bedspreads? What do you think about this?"
"The gayest thing I've ever done, Danny..."
"Picking out a bedspread?"
"Picking out a bedspread by comparing it to fabric swatches and paint samples, yes. The last one I just... bought."
"You didn't buy it to match your room?"
"I lived in a roach-infested apartment across the hall from a doddering old woman and above a family with three teenagers who liked to play their music at all hours of the night. I moved in, spent one sleepless night on the couch, went to the department store, and said, 'I really like blue,' and added another charge to my seemingly endless list of expenses."
"You poor thing."
"How is it that I'm the really queer one in this relationship? How does that even work? How is it that none of the people at your office even suspect that you're as gay as the day is long?"
"I'm a great actor. Now, tell me what you think about this. I think it goes really well with the drapes and the carpet. It doesn't really match the chair, but we can get a new slipcover for that if we need to."
"Okay."
"It's really rich, so it will set off the walls pretty well, too. The nice muted eggshell color will bring out some of the gold in the trim."
"Right."
"I think it will give a nice look to the furniture I already have. We can switch your dresser into the guest room and bring my other bureau back into our bedroom. The whole thing will look very classy."
"Sure."
"Plus, it's green, and there's something incredibly sexy about the way you look against something green. It sets off your eyes."
"...."
"Admit it, Alan. This can be enjoyable."
"If you keep saying things like that and looking at me like that and you don't get your hand off my ass, things are going to get a little too enjoyable."
"See?"
"It's still the gayest thing I've ever done."
"You say that now, but just wait until I get you home. I have some incredibly gay things planned for breaking in this new bed."
"I don't doubt that. In fact, it's possible I was counting on it."
"Well then, let's find a salesperson."
"Let's."
The prompt was "king."
***
Linens and Things
December 5, 1998
"This is the most pointless thing I've ever done. It's also the gayest thing I've ever done."
"I wouldn't be so quick to say that. I can think of some pretty gay things you've done recently, and I'm not just talking about the three new pairs of shoes you just bought."
"Shut up. I like shoes, okay? Like you should talk, Mr. My-closets-are-so-full-of-clothes-my-boyfriend-is-living-out-of-boxes-a-month-after-moving-in."
"Actually, my friends just call me Danny."
"You're hysterical."
"Thank you, I'll be here all week. Don't forget to tip your waitresses."
"Hysterical and cliché and a clothes horse. What more could I ask for?"
"A salesperson, actually, would be good."
"I still think this is stupid. You have a perfectly nice bed. I have a perfectly nice bed. In your--our house, we have two perfectly nice beds. There is no earthly reason why we need to go out and buy another one."
"It's a gesture! It's a symbolic thing. We're starting a new chapter of our lives, Alan! We are beginning the first of what I hope will be many, many years together, and we should start completely fresh. Plus, I've always wanted a king-sized bed and this is the perfect excuse for it."
"You're crazy."
"Come on! Live in the moment! Be spontaneous!"
"I just don't see the point in wasting money on something we don't need. I'm sorry if I was brought up to be fiscally cautious."
"Alan. Seriously. Your father's like, a millionaire. You were brought up with a maid and a cook and ballroom dancing lessons at a country club."
"Let me rephrase that. Living practically below the poverty line as a public school teacher has led me to be fiscally cautious."
"Well now you don't have to be! It's a celebration of your good fortune."
"My good fortune of convincing someone who makes substantially more money than I do to sleep with me?"
"You forgot the part where I'm also very handsome."
"Moderately wealthy, handsome, and a lunatic. I guess you have to take the good with the bad..."
"Are you planning on making fun of me all night?"
"...Yes."
"Okay, can you do it while looking at bedspreads? What do you think about this?"
"The gayest thing I've ever done, Danny..."
"Picking out a bedspread?"
"Picking out a bedspread by comparing it to fabric swatches and paint samples, yes. The last one I just... bought."
"You didn't buy it to match your room?"
"I lived in a roach-infested apartment across the hall from a doddering old woman and above a family with three teenagers who liked to play their music at all hours of the night. I moved in, spent one sleepless night on the couch, went to the department store, and said, 'I really like blue,' and added another charge to my seemingly endless list of expenses."
"You poor thing."
"How is it that I'm the really queer one in this relationship? How does that even work? How is it that none of the people at your office even suspect that you're as gay as the day is long?"
"I'm a great actor. Now, tell me what you think about this. I think it goes really well with the drapes and the carpet. It doesn't really match the chair, but we can get a new slipcover for that if we need to."
"Okay."
"It's really rich, so it will set off the walls pretty well, too. The nice muted eggshell color will bring out some of the gold in the trim."
"Right."
"I think it will give a nice look to the furniture I already have. We can switch your dresser into the guest room and bring my other bureau back into our bedroom. The whole thing will look very classy."
"Sure."
"Plus, it's green, and there's something incredibly sexy about the way you look against something green. It sets off your eyes."
"...."
"Admit it, Alan. This can be enjoyable."
"If you keep saying things like that and looking at me like that and you don't get your hand off my ass, things are going to get a little too enjoyable."
"See?"
"It's still the gayest thing I've ever done."
"You say that now, but just wait until I get you home. I have some incredibly gay things planned for breaking in this new bed."
"I don't doubt that. In fact, it's possible I was counting on it."
"Well then, let's find a salesperson."
"Let's."