NaNo Day Seven (Part 1)
Okay, so yesterday my aunt took me out for cocktails and I got trashed and couldn't write. To make up for it, I wrote about 1700 words this afternoon and plan to write another 1500+ tonight after I eat a little more (all I've done today is eat), even though I'm still a day ahead as far as word count goes. I like the "being ahead" feeling. It's shiny.
Anyway. I'm having the same problems as usual--can't integrate dialogue and description, too much emphasis on characters, there is no plot--but for some reason, this was harder than usual. It took me awhile to squish it all out. I'm hoping that this evening will be easier.
As I was saying to Nicole earlier, after this + the next scene, I should have most of the backstory out of the way. There's a little more Laura coming up, then we'll (hopefully) get to the good stuff. I don't know what that stuff is yet, but I'll figure it out. Hopefully.
***
Today (so far): 1784
12735/50000
***
Alan didn't sleep that night. He didn't sleep most nights, true, or rather, he generally slept poorly and fitfully, but around four am, he gave up on lying in bed at all and went out into the living room to work.
He couldn't concentrate.
Even with an answer key in front of him, grading tests was fruitless. He'd have to apologize to Katherine Moss--her test looked like someone doodled all over it with a red pen, for all his cross outs.
He put aside the tests and turned the coffee maker on. He had a feeling he needed to start now if he wanted to get through the day without passing out. He actually had passed out in the middle of a lecture once before, and it hadn't been pretty. He'd gone to the hospital with a mild concussion from where his head hit the floor, and Danny had--
That was a train of thought best derailed at the station.
He got through a pot and a half of coffee and three hours of infomercials before he could allow himself to walk over to the school. The grass was covered with a fine layer of frost, and he was grateful for the gloves in his pocket, even though he was doing his best not to think about them, not to think about the fact that Dan would be back for them at some point in the day.
Dan had seemed like a good idea last week, last night, but he was already wrung out with regret, his body stretched and shaky and twisted together inside. Maybe he was broken, although the thought enraged him. Danny Stevens had already taken enough from him. He wasn't allowed to have this too, even though Alan was still trying to overcome the part of him that wanted Danny to have it.
"Time," he said out loud to himself. "It just takes time. We've only been apart for fifteen months. We were together for six and a half years. It's not going to happen over night."
"What's not going to happen overnight?"
Alan stopped and looked around. In his sleepless haze, he hadn't noticed that he had gotten all the way up to his office already. Doug was sitting at his desk, staring up at Alan curiously.
"Nothing," Alan said. "I was talking to myself. It was this thing about a boyf--a man. This guy I dated. It's not important. I just didn't get much sleep last night."
"Talking to yourself out loud?" Doug asked, as Alan started to put his things down at his own desk and wondered if he had actually signed in for the day down at the office.
"I do it kind of a lot," Alan admitted. "I hope that's not a deal breaker as far as sharing an office goes."
Doug dismissed him with a wave. "You put up with my collection of things in jars, seemingly endless pranks against other teachers, and you occasionally feed my cat when she gets into your apartment. Worry not."
Alan grinned in thanks and turned back to his desk.
"However," Doug continued, "I do have something that you should worry about. Or not worry about, as the case may be. Dan came by to see me this morning."
Alan didn't turn around, but he could feel the muscles in his shoulders tensing one by one. "Oh?" he asked, hoping that his voice didn't sound as high and strangled out loud as it did in his head.
"Apparently I have gained a reputation as your friend," Doug said. "I don't know how that could have happened, what with you spending every waking hour with me--not that I'm complaining, I've enjoyed the company. Still, he seemed to think I had some sort of insight into your head. He wasn't very subtle."
"No," Alan said slowly. "I've only known him a few weeks and I've already gotten that impression."
Silence.
"Not to pry," Doug finally said, "but are you interested? Because if you're not, just let me know and I'll wave him off."
"To be honest," Alan admitted, "I have no idea what I want." He heard Doug's chair slide across the floor and Doug get to his feet.
"Well," he said, "You've got until the end of the day to figure it out, it seems."
"Wonderful," Alan said, but by the time he found his voice, Doug was already gone.
Figuring it out wasn't easy, between classes, labs, lectures, and a pronounced lack of sleep. In fact, Alan was going out of his way not to think about it, while simultaneously jumping every time someone entered a room, peering cautiously around corners before making copies or getting lunch. It wasn't that he was avoiding Dan. He wasn't sure what he was doing, but it wasn't avoiding. Not at all.
Especially because, as the day went on, he didn't actually see Dan. Anywhere.
"What are you so jumpy about?" Laura asked at lunch, after Alan nearly spilled his coffee all over the table.
"Nothing," Alan insisted.
"Right," Laura said, spreading cream cheese on a bagel. "That is something I believe entirely."
"It really is nothing," Alan said. "It's... I'm not sure. I think I'm blowing something out of proportion. Or freaking out over nothing."
"Well," Laura asked, "What is the something and what is the nothing?"
"It's complicated," Alan said.
"No, talking to you is complicated. If you don't want to talk to me, that's fine, but I ask that you refrain from spilling coffee all over me."
"I'll do my best," he assured her, but he must have sounded unconvincing, because she spread some napkins on her lap before she started her lunch.
By the end of the day he was exhausted, shaken, and so tightly wound that his students were starting to give him odd looks. He couldn't remember the last time he was so grateful to hear the school bell ring, and in his haste to get to his office, he forgot to assign homework.
The office was empty. There was a note on Doug's desk that said You're on your own, with a condom taped to the bottom of it. He would have to remember to kill Doug later.
The office, though, wasn't quite as empty as he thought it was. Sitting in his desk chair, playing with his knick-knacks, was Dan Green.
"How did you get here so fast?" he blurted out before he even had time to think.
"My kids were in the library," he said with a shrug. "I told Sunita I had an errand. She let them go."
"Oh," Alan said.
"The thing is," Dan said, "I was telling the truth. I really do have an errand, because my goddamned dog is a pain in my ass at the pharmacy at the vet is possibly an even bigger pain in my ass, but I wanted to get my gloves back. My fingers were cold." He wiggled them as he said it, and it was disarming enough that Alan started to feel himself relax, just a little. He ducked his head to hide his smile, but then froze.
In all of the chaos of the morning, he had forgotten to bring Dan's gloves to the school with him.
Immediately, a back part of his mind suggested that this would be a perfect excuse to invite Dan back to his apartment. He didn't know whether to be relieved or terrified at the thought, although he was positive it was not something he'd be acting on. Instead, an idea started to form in the back of his mind. He leaned over to his desk, getting a little closer than he intended, and rifled around in his drawers until--there.
He held out a spare pair of black woolen mittens.
"I left yours at home," he admitted, looking up at Dan with a tentative smile. "But you can have these until I have a chance to get them. Mittens keep your fingers warmer anyway."
Dan gave him a sly smile and reached for the mittens, but didn't, exactly, pull them away.
"Thanks," he said, and the two of them sat there, clutching either end of the pair of mittens, for what felt like hours. Alan couldn't remember the last time he had wanted to kiss someone this badly, while also feeling as though he was going to be sick any minute.
By the time Dan finally pulled the mittens away, Alan felt as though his ears were going to be permanently red. "I'll see you later," Dan said, standing up and backing away, towards the door. "You know. To swap." He grinned when he said it, that sly, cocky grin that was already doing a number on Alan's insides.
"Yeah," Alan said distantly. "To swap." He wondered, absently, what the hell he was getting himself into. He certainly wasn't ready for it, whatever it was. Why hadn't he just said, Dan, I'm sorry, but this is too much right now. I'm too messed up for this. I'll never be a person you can count on?
He sat at his desk, thinking about that for a long time. He was still thinking about it when Doug returned. He seemed surprised to see Alan, but made no mention of it as he gathered his books and papers together. After a few minutes, the note he had left landed squarely on Alan's desk.
"Good throw," Alan said absently.
"Thanks," Doug said. "I practice when you're not here. Speaking of, why are you here?"
"Something about Dan's dog," Alan muttered. His brain still wasn't fully on the conversation. "Doug, why am I doing this?"
"To get laid?" Doug suggested. "I'm not an expert, but I have noticed that people tend to flirt with members of the desirable gender in order to eventually seduce them into having sex."
"As a Biology teacher, aren't you actually an expert?" Alan asked.
"I'm an expert in many things, but I'm pretty sure that Channise Lynn is the resident expert on sexual intercourse between humans," Doug said. "She teaches Health and Wellness. You'll like her. She's a lot of fun at parties. But I do believe we're veering off topic."
"Just a little," Alan said. "Although, to be honest, I don't have as much to say about the previous topic as you would think."
Doug raised an eyebrow. "You either like him or you don't. It's been a while, but I'm pretty sure that's how it goes."
"Things are..." Alan said. "I mean. My last... things are complicated. And maybe this would make them more complicated."
"Maybe it would make them less complicated," Doug said. "Anyway, I have to go. Good luck."
Alan waved him off, listening to him leave the office before gathering his own belongings and heading back home. His brain wasn't any less overrun with thought, and he was getting tired of thinking. It was easy to put himself on auto-pilot, walking home, making another pot of coffee, and starting on last night's dishes without even paying attention.
Anyway. I'm having the same problems as usual--can't integrate dialogue and description, too much emphasis on characters, there is no plot--but for some reason, this was harder than usual. It took me awhile to squish it all out. I'm hoping that this evening will be easier.
As I was saying to Nicole earlier, after this + the next scene, I should have most of the backstory out of the way. There's a little more Laura coming up, then we'll (hopefully) get to the good stuff. I don't know what that stuff is yet, but I'll figure it out. Hopefully.
***
Today (so far): 1784
12735/50000
***
Alan didn't sleep that night. He didn't sleep most nights, true, or rather, he generally slept poorly and fitfully, but around four am, he gave up on lying in bed at all and went out into the living room to work.
He couldn't concentrate.
Even with an answer key in front of him, grading tests was fruitless. He'd have to apologize to Katherine Moss--her test looked like someone doodled all over it with a red pen, for all his cross outs.
He put aside the tests and turned the coffee maker on. He had a feeling he needed to start now if he wanted to get through the day without passing out. He actually had passed out in the middle of a lecture once before, and it hadn't been pretty. He'd gone to the hospital with a mild concussion from where his head hit the floor, and Danny had--
That was a train of thought best derailed at the station.
He got through a pot and a half of coffee and three hours of infomercials before he could allow himself to walk over to the school. The grass was covered with a fine layer of frost, and he was grateful for the gloves in his pocket, even though he was doing his best not to think about them, not to think about the fact that Dan would be back for them at some point in the day.
Dan had seemed like a good idea last week, last night, but he was already wrung out with regret, his body stretched and shaky and twisted together inside. Maybe he was broken, although the thought enraged him. Danny Stevens had already taken enough from him. He wasn't allowed to have this too, even though Alan was still trying to overcome the part of him that wanted Danny to have it.
"Time," he said out loud to himself. "It just takes time. We've only been apart for fifteen months. We were together for six and a half years. It's not going to happen over night."
"What's not going to happen overnight?"
Alan stopped and looked around. In his sleepless haze, he hadn't noticed that he had gotten all the way up to his office already. Doug was sitting at his desk, staring up at Alan curiously.
"Nothing," Alan said. "I was talking to myself. It was this thing about a boyf--a man. This guy I dated. It's not important. I just didn't get much sleep last night."
"Talking to yourself out loud?" Doug asked, as Alan started to put his things down at his own desk and wondered if he had actually signed in for the day down at the office.
"I do it kind of a lot," Alan admitted. "I hope that's not a deal breaker as far as sharing an office goes."
Doug dismissed him with a wave. "You put up with my collection of things in jars, seemingly endless pranks against other teachers, and you occasionally feed my cat when she gets into your apartment. Worry not."
Alan grinned in thanks and turned back to his desk.
"However," Doug continued, "I do have something that you should worry about. Or not worry about, as the case may be. Dan came by to see me this morning."
Alan didn't turn around, but he could feel the muscles in his shoulders tensing one by one. "Oh?" he asked, hoping that his voice didn't sound as high and strangled out loud as it did in his head.
"Apparently I have gained a reputation as your friend," Doug said. "I don't know how that could have happened, what with you spending every waking hour with me--not that I'm complaining, I've enjoyed the company. Still, he seemed to think I had some sort of insight into your head. He wasn't very subtle."
"No," Alan said slowly. "I've only known him a few weeks and I've already gotten that impression."
Silence.
"Not to pry," Doug finally said, "but are you interested? Because if you're not, just let me know and I'll wave him off."
"To be honest," Alan admitted, "I have no idea what I want." He heard Doug's chair slide across the floor and Doug get to his feet.
"Well," he said, "You've got until the end of the day to figure it out, it seems."
"Wonderful," Alan said, but by the time he found his voice, Doug was already gone.
Figuring it out wasn't easy, between classes, labs, lectures, and a pronounced lack of sleep. In fact, Alan was going out of his way not to think about it, while simultaneously jumping every time someone entered a room, peering cautiously around corners before making copies or getting lunch. It wasn't that he was avoiding Dan. He wasn't sure what he was doing, but it wasn't avoiding. Not at all.
Especially because, as the day went on, he didn't actually see Dan. Anywhere.
"What are you so jumpy about?" Laura asked at lunch, after Alan nearly spilled his coffee all over the table.
"Nothing," Alan insisted.
"Right," Laura said, spreading cream cheese on a bagel. "That is something I believe entirely."
"It really is nothing," Alan said. "It's... I'm not sure. I think I'm blowing something out of proportion. Or freaking out over nothing."
"Well," Laura asked, "What is the something and what is the nothing?"
"It's complicated," Alan said.
"No, talking to you is complicated. If you don't want to talk to me, that's fine, but I ask that you refrain from spilling coffee all over me."
"I'll do my best," he assured her, but he must have sounded unconvincing, because she spread some napkins on her lap before she started her lunch.
By the end of the day he was exhausted, shaken, and so tightly wound that his students were starting to give him odd looks. He couldn't remember the last time he was so grateful to hear the school bell ring, and in his haste to get to his office, he forgot to assign homework.
The office was empty. There was a note on Doug's desk that said You're on your own, with a condom taped to the bottom of it. He would have to remember to kill Doug later.
The office, though, wasn't quite as empty as he thought it was. Sitting in his desk chair, playing with his knick-knacks, was Dan Green.
"How did you get here so fast?" he blurted out before he even had time to think.
"My kids were in the library," he said with a shrug. "I told Sunita I had an errand. She let them go."
"Oh," Alan said.
"The thing is," Dan said, "I was telling the truth. I really do have an errand, because my goddamned dog is a pain in my ass at the pharmacy at the vet is possibly an even bigger pain in my ass, but I wanted to get my gloves back. My fingers were cold." He wiggled them as he said it, and it was disarming enough that Alan started to feel himself relax, just a little. He ducked his head to hide his smile, but then froze.
In all of the chaos of the morning, he had forgotten to bring Dan's gloves to the school with him.
Immediately, a back part of his mind suggested that this would be a perfect excuse to invite Dan back to his apartment. He didn't know whether to be relieved or terrified at the thought, although he was positive it was not something he'd be acting on. Instead, an idea started to form in the back of his mind. He leaned over to his desk, getting a little closer than he intended, and rifled around in his drawers until--there.
He held out a spare pair of black woolen mittens.
"I left yours at home," he admitted, looking up at Dan with a tentative smile. "But you can have these until I have a chance to get them. Mittens keep your fingers warmer anyway."
Dan gave him a sly smile and reached for the mittens, but didn't, exactly, pull them away.
"Thanks," he said, and the two of them sat there, clutching either end of the pair of mittens, for what felt like hours. Alan couldn't remember the last time he had wanted to kiss someone this badly, while also feeling as though he was going to be sick any minute.
By the time Dan finally pulled the mittens away, Alan felt as though his ears were going to be permanently red. "I'll see you later," Dan said, standing up and backing away, towards the door. "You know. To swap." He grinned when he said it, that sly, cocky grin that was already doing a number on Alan's insides.
"Yeah," Alan said distantly. "To swap." He wondered, absently, what the hell he was getting himself into. He certainly wasn't ready for it, whatever it was. Why hadn't he just said, Dan, I'm sorry, but this is too much right now. I'm too messed up for this. I'll never be a person you can count on?
He sat at his desk, thinking about that for a long time. He was still thinking about it when Doug returned. He seemed surprised to see Alan, but made no mention of it as he gathered his books and papers together. After a few minutes, the note he had left landed squarely on Alan's desk.
"Good throw," Alan said absently.
"Thanks," Doug said. "I practice when you're not here. Speaking of, why are you here?"
"Something about Dan's dog," Alan muttered. His brain still wasn't fully on the conversation. "Doug, why am I doing this?"
"To get laid?" Doug suggested. "I'm not an expert, but I have noticed that people tend to flirt with members of the desirable gender in order to eventually seduce them into having sex."
"As a Biology teacher, aren't you actually an expert?" Alan asked.
"I'm an expert in many things, but I'm pretty sure that Channise Lynn is the resident expert on sexual intercourse between humans," Doug said. "She teaches Health and Wellness. You'll like her. She's a lot of fun at parties. But I do believe we're veering off topic."
"Just a little," Alan said. "Although, to be honest, I don't have as much to say about the previous topic as you would think."
Doug raised an eyebrow. "You either like him or you don't. It's been a while, but I'm pretty sure that's how it goes."
"Things are..." Alan said. "I mean. My last... things are complicated. And maybe this would make them more complicated."
"Maybe it would make them less complicated," Doug said. "Anyway, I have to go. Good luck."
Alan waved him off, listening to him leave the office before gathering his own belongings and heading back home. His brain wasn't any less overrun with thought, and he was getting tired of thinking. It was easy to put himself on auto-pilot, walking home, making another pot of coffee, and starting on last night's dishes without even paying attention.