whoops.
Hi, internet.
I have been incredibly absent and I'm sorry. It was sort of a spiral thing. I didn't want to update with stupid little shit until I did a big update, but the big update kept getting away from me and now nearly a months has passed :\
I hate to say it, but I'm def a presence on tumblr. I still really hate tumblr, but...that's where people are? Also, I don't post as much personal stuff there and most of the time I have a queue going, so...idk, follow at your own risk, if you don't like Hannibal, XMFC, McAvoy, and Anne-Marie.
I'm going to update by taking stuff from an email I sent pearl_O, albeit sanitized slightly.
Work:
Our office has moved to a new location, pretty much in a dead-zone of Boston, half a mile from all T lines, near no restaurants, etc. We're not thrilled about it overall, although I have to admit it's nice having space to myself, no offense intended to brilligspoons, with whom I used to share a cubicle.
I'm having a lot of crazy work anxiety. Like, hardcore freaking out about stupid things, which is stupid because my job could still be done by a monkey, but I'm so depressed and bored that it's hard to focus on the tasks I'm supposed to do. It doesn't help that my computer is still super broken. I want to find a new job, but it's obvs not that easy. I'm also not thrilled by the move to the new place and the fact that my commute is going to be super longer now and I might miss the bus I normally take.
This weekend Becca and I are going to San Antonio for a work thing and I am just...too tired to really deal with it. But we're going to be seeing dremiel, whom I miss tons and tons, so that will be nice. Also, hotel and pool, etc.
Home:
Home-wise, we're gearing up to move and I am unsurprisingly anxious about that. I don't like change and I love our neighborhood, but we've really, really outgrown this place, not to mention the fact that our landlords are kind of lazy jerks, there's been construction going on for months that keeps us up, and our upstairs neighbors are loud as hell.
I like the idea of moving, but...idk. I don't like the actual moving. And we're moving farther away and I'm a crazy anxious lunatic about a bunch of related things, so basically every day until they call us, I'm going to be really nervous and upset. I just want to KNOW.
Basically, I just think I'm really, really depressed? i mean, I know it. I have moment of lucidity where I think, "This isn't right." But I don't have the energy to deal with it. So mostly I'm not, which is really no way to live, but there you have it.
Fandom:
Hannibal basically destroyed my soul. In the best/worst possible way. I was completely sucked into it and I love Will Graham obsessively and the show is SO GOOD, but in being good, it means I have to watch Will slowly unravel over thirteen episodes. Brilliant show, though. I love everything about it and I can't believe we have to wait like, nine months for the next season.
A couple weekends ago I went to HeroesCon in Charlotte. It's nice to go to a small con every now and then, and HeroesCon was really cute and comfortable, although I wasn't in the best physical/mental place for it. I did have a chance to chat with some artists I like (in addition to seeing like, half the comics industry population of Somerville), and meet up with a couple tumblr people and go to some good panels. Personal highlights were the lengthy conversation we had with Steve Leiber and Matt Fraction listening to me spill my feelings about FF and then immediately pulling out his phone to show me some art from the upcoming pool party issue. So. Freaking. Psyched. For. That. Issue. It looks like it's going to be adorable and hilarious and amazing, which is basically all I ask for out of that book ♥
(He also said that the secret meaning of "FF" is "found family," so you know he speaks my language.)
This weekend neurotictealeaf was up for a Dylan Moran show, so she got to see how we live, which is basically....never doing anything. But it was nice to see her, and the show was great!
Also this weekend, in preparation for Eleventy Fest, I put all my Canton stories up on AO3 and revisited them and how much I love them and Canton and writing for Canton and Canton and David, and basically everything about that verse.
A week or two ago I listened to Welcome to Night Vale, which is delightful, though maybe not a real fandom as much as a pleasant distraction. I'm looking forward to listening to a podcast regularly again, though.
In XMFC...things continue on as normal. I still text pearl_O random story ideas and still wish there was more fic and I was in a better mental state to produce more stories. (I say after a nearly 50k writing month /o\)
I feel good about getting the daycare story I just posted off of my plate. Even if it wasn't what I wanted it to be. I still feel super insecure about, you know, no one liking me, but I've been so absent from tumblr that I haven't felt it quite as paranoid-ly as usual, I guess? I'm looking at the next old retired dudes as the next WiP I clear out from my folder, but I had wanted to use July to write my Alex/Darwin fic, so who knows. I still need to do a shit ton of research for that one--Alex fixes cars and Darwin is a botanist and I don't know anything about plants or cars. Or motorcycles, which Erik rides. (Occasionally. Well, he did it more frequently before he started dating Charles. They freak him out, and he won't let Erik even talk about special motorcycles for paraplegics.) Basically all I know about this story is Charles and Erik's epic backstory and how it ends. And Alex's backstory. I need to fill in the rest.
So, that's where I generally am right now. I tend to be doing best in the afternoons. Nights are full of anxiety, mornings are rough, but mid-day through around 8pm seems to be manageable. I'm okay. Coping. Et cetera. I'm excited to see ivy_rat tonight and dremiel later this week.
How is everyone? I swear I haven't abandoned you. How are you doing? What's up with you?
I have been incredibly absent and I'm sorry. It was sort of a spiral thing. I didn't want to update with stupid little shit until I did a big update, but the big update kept getting away from me and now nearly a months has passed :\
I hate to say it, but I'm def a presence on tumblr. I still really hate tumblr, but...that's where people are? Also, I don't post as much personal stuff there and most of the time I have a queue going, so...idk, follow at your own risk, if you don't like Hannibal, XMFC, McAvoy, and Anne-Marie.
I'm going to update by taking stuff from an email I sent pearl_O, albeit sanitized slightly.
Work:
Our office has moved to a new location, pretty much in a dead-zone of Boston, half a mile from all T lines, near no restaurants, etc. We're not thrilled about it overall, although I have to admit it's nice having space to myself, no offense intended to brilligspoons, with whom I used to share a cubicle.
I'm having a lot of crazy work anxiety. Like, hardcore freaking out about stupid things, which is stupid because my job could still be done by a monkey, but I'm so depressed and bored that it's hard to focus on the tasks I'm supposed to do. It doesn't help that my computer is still super broken. I want to find a new job, but it's obvs not that easy. I'm also not thrilled by the move to the new place and the fact that my commute is going to be super longer now and I might miss the bus I normally take.
This weekend Becca and I are going to San Antonio for a work thing and I am just...too tired to really deal with it. But we're going to be seeing dremiel, whom I miss tons and tons, so that will be nice. Also, hotel and pool, etc.
Home:
Home-wise, we're gearing up to move and I am unsurprisingly anxious about that. I don't like change and I love our neighborhood, but we've really, really outgrown this place, not to mention the fact that our landlords are kind of lazy jerks, there's been construction going on for months that keeps us up, and our upstairs neighbors are loud as hell.
I like the idea of moving, but...idk. I don't like the actual moving. And we're moving farther away and I'm a crazy anxious lunatic about a bunch of related things, so basically every day until they call us, I'm going to be really nervous and upset. I just want to KNOW.
Basically, I just think I'm really, really depressed? i mean, I know it. I have moment of lucidity where I think, "This isn't right." But I don't have the energy to deal with it. So mostly I'm not, which is really no way to live, but there you have it.
Fandom:
Hannibal basically destroyed my soul. In the best/worst possible way. I was completely sucked into it and I love Will Graham obsessively and the show is SO GOOD, but in being good, it means I have to watch Will slowly unravel over thirteen episodes. Brilliant show, though. I love everything about it and I can't believe we have to wait like, nine months for the next season.
A couple weekends ago I went to HeroesCon in Charlotte. It's nice to go to a small con every now and then, and HeroesCon was really cute and comfortable, although I wasn't in the best physical/mental place for it. I did have a chance to chat with some artists I like (in addition to seeing like, half the comics industry population of Somerville), and meet up with a couple tumblr people and go to some good panels. Personal highlights were the lengthy conversation we had with Steve Leiber and Matt Fraction listening to me spill my feelings about FF and then immediately pulling out his phone to show me some art from the upcoming pool party issue. So. Freaking. Psyched. For. That. Issue. It looks like it's going to be adorable and hilarious and amazing, which is basically all I ask for out of that book ♥
(He also said that the secret meaning of "FF" is "found family," so you know he speaks my language.)
This weekend neurotictealeaf was up for a Dylan Moran show, so she got to see how we live, which is basically....never doing anything. But it was nice to see her, and the show was great!
Also this weekend, in preparation for Eleventy Fest, I put all my Canton stories up on AO3 and revisited them and how much I love them and Canton and writing for Canton and Canton and David, and basically everything about that verse.
A week or two ago I listened to Welcome to Night Vale, which is delightful, though maybe not a real fandom as much as a pleasant distraction. I'm looking forward to listening to a podcast regularly again, though.
In XMFC...things continue on as normal. I still text pearl_O random story ideas and still wish there was more fic and I was in a better mental state to produce more stories. (I say after a nearly 50k writing month /o\)
I feel good about getting the daycare story I just posted off of my plate. Even if it wasn't what I wanted it to be. I still feel super insecure about, you know, no one liking me, but I've been so absent from tumblr that I haven't felt it quite as paranoid-ly as usual, I guess? I'm looking at the next old retired dudes as the next WiP I clear out from my folder, but I had wanted to use July to write my Alex/Darwin fic, so who knows. I still need to do a shit ton of research for that one--Alex fixes cars and Darwin is a botanist and I don't know anything about plants or cars. Or motorcycles, which Erik rides. (Occasionally. Well, he did it more frequently before he started dating Charles. They freak him out, and he won't let Erik even talk about special motorcycles for paraplegics.) Basically all I know about this story is Charles and Erik's epic backstory and how it ends. And Alex's backstory. I need to fill in the rest.
So, that's where I generally am right now. I tend to be doing best in the afternoons. Nights are full of anxiety, mornings are rough, but mid-day through around 8pm seems to be manageable. I'm okay. Coping. Et cetera. I'm excited to see ivy_rat tonight and dremiel later this week.
How is everyone? I swear I haven't abandoned you. How are you doing? What's up with you?