this is the closest i have to an avengers-themed icon
Good morning, internet.
So, I had a super crazy anxiety spiral last night that basically led to me lying in bed at 2am thinking about how I am so clingy/needy/terrible that probably no one actually likes me, then angrily crying because I knew it was my brain playing tricks on me, but what if it wasn't, because it's true, comparatively I am not that great and people should be allowed to dump me and make better friends, but that's not true I'm okay, but am I really?
Et cetera.
I am giving myself points this time for not acting on my crazy except for a few vague tweets, so that's something, right?
Anyway, I didn't actually get anything done last night because I was so worked up, I mostly say on the couch watching SVU and quietly crying trying to get my brain to work right again. This morning I am mostly okay, or at least, my non-crazy brain is more fully in control, so it's easier to push the anxious/depressed thoughts to the back and recognize their silliness, or at least avoid those feelings.
I think this is the most I've ever said about mental illness above a cut. If anyone wants me to cut it, let me know.
***
In less crazy news, tonight we're going to see Iron Man 3! I've been pretty good about not being spoiled for it despite people's insistence on posting this on tumblr untagged and uncut. (Part of this is the realization that if people post a lot of untagged stuff, I can just tumblr savior their name while at work. This tumblr savior thing is pretty rad! Who knew?) I'm excited, though not as excited as Margaret, and I'm probably more excited for brunch tomorrow, but, let's be real, I'm always pretty excited about brunch. It's like my default state.
The movie got a mostly favorable review from harmonyangel, and she is basically the person I look to as having Correct Marvel Opinions, so I'm cautiously optimistic!
(Also, I'm super psyched that it's a 9pm showing and not a midnight showing, because I'm old and need to go to sleep at a decent hour, especially given I didn't really sleep last night.)
Anyway, in preparation, Kyleigh sent us the following texts this morning (cut because they're huge):
To brilligspoons:
With this attached:
And then this one to me:
Kyleigh is too precious for this world and we don't deserve her.
***
I've had a lot of Bomb Girls thoughts, mostly on IM to metonymy. I might try and take those thoughts and form them into a coherent LJ entry at some point. Mostly, while I'm unhappy that the show ended on a cliffhanger and with a part of Gladys' plot in the last episode (yes, the part you're all thinking of because, let's face it, that was a terrible thing that no one wanted), I'm happy with how Gladys, Vera, Lorna, and Sheila ended up and while I'm not happy with the circumstances that Betty and Kate were left in, I am happy with where their relationship is/is headed.
I really, really need a movie to wrap this up. REALLY. A LOT. SERIOUSLY. Like, for the first time since MST3k was cancelled, I participated in a fan renewal campaign. That's how serious I am about this movie needing to happen.
***
I'm going to try and get some writing done on Friday. Since I'm taking the day off and need to be up and out at brunch relatively early, I think I'll take my laptop with me and just park myself at a cafe for a few hours and try to get SOMETHING written. A lot of my feelings of inadequacy stem from feeling like the types of stories I'm trying to tell aren't particularly relevant to fandom trends. Which is fine, because I've always written the stuff I wanted to, regardless of whether it was a ship of five fics or five thousand, but that doesn't stop the wave of "Oh, I don't belong here" when everyone is squeeing about stuff I'm not into? (Again, I recognize that this is NOT TRUE and exists only in my brain. I really want people to do what make them happy, even if it's something I have zero interest in.) And I think part of what's feeding into that is not really having posted any new fic in the month of April until last week, but the longer I go without writing, the harder it is to convince my brain that I CAN finish things and that it's worth it to try. idk idk idk. My creative brain and my crazy brain are frequently very closely linked.
The point being, hopefully a nice day when I already feel good from not being at work and having brunch, which be a good cure to getting words out a little more reliably.
***
And I have good weekend plans! More brunch! Free Comic Book Day! The Big Thrifty! Laundry! (That part is less exciting, but I'm hoping that by putting it there I will make myself be excited by it.) I also just got a call from my insurance company--apparently I owe some crazy co-pay that somehow slipped through the cracks, so I have to find time to call them and hash it out and decide if getting them to knock down some of it is worth the fight or if I just want to pay it and move on with my life.
But before any of that, coffee. It is our favorite barista's birthday today, so I made her a card. Also, I really need coffee and didn't eat any meals yesterday so...yes.
So, I had a super crazy anxiety spiral last night that basically led to me lying in bed at 2am thinking about how I am so clingy/needy/terrible that probably no one actually likes me, then angrily crying because I knew it was my brain playing tricks on me, but what if it wasn't, because it's true, comparatively I am not that great and people should be allowed to dump me and make better friends, but that's not true I'm okay, but am I really?
Et cetera.
I am giving myself points this time for not acting on my crazy except for a few vague tweets, so that's something, right?
Anyway, I didn't actually get anything done last night because I was so worked up, I mostly say on the couch watching SVU and quietly crying trying to get my brain to work right again. This morning I am mostly okay, or at least, my non-crazy brain is more fully in control, so it's easier to push the anxious/depressed thoughts to the back and recognize their silliness, or at least avoid those feelings.
I think this is the most I've ever said about mental illness above a cut. If anyone wants me to cut it, let me know.
***
In less crazy news, tonight we're going to see Iron Man 3! I've been pretty good about not being spoiled for it despite people's insistence on posting this on tumblr untagged and uncut. (Part of this is the realization that if people post a lot of untagged stuff, I can just tumblr savior their name while at work. This tumblr savior thing is pretty rad! Who knew?) I'm excited, though not as excited as Margaret, and I'm probably more excited for brunch tomorrow, but, let's be real, I'm always pretty excited about brunch. It's like my default state.
The movie got a mostly favorable review from harmonyangel, and she is basically the person I look to as having Correct Marvel Opinions, so I'm cautiously optimistic!
(Also, I'm super psyched that it's a 9pm showing and not a midnight showing, because I'm old and need to go to sleep at a decent hour, especially given I didn't really sleep last night.)
Anyway, in preparation, Kyleigh sent us the following texts this morning (cut because they're huge):
To brilligspoons:
With this attached:
And then this one to me:
Kyleigh is too precious for this world and we don't deserve her.
***
I've had a lot of Bomb Girls thoughts, mostly on IM to metonymy. I might try and take those thoughts and form them into a coherent LJ entry at some point. Mostly, while I'm unhappy that the show ended on a cliffhanger and with a part of Gladys' plot in the last episode (yes, the part you're all thinking of because, let's face it, that was a terrible thing that no one wanted), I'm happy with how Gladys, Vera, Lorna, and Sheila ended up and while I'm not happy with the circumstances that Betty and Kate were left in, I am happy with where their relationship is/is headed.
I really, really need a movie to wrap this up. REALLY. A LOT. SERIOUSLY. Like, for the first time since MST3k was cancelled, I participated in a fan renewal campaign. That's how serious I am about this movie needing to happen.
***
I'm going to try and get some writing done on Friday. Since I'm taking the day off and need to be up and out at brunch relatively early, I think I'll take my laptop with me and just park myself at a cafe for a few hours and try to get SOMETHING written. A lot of my feelings of inadequacy stem from feeling like the types of stories I'm trying to tell aren't particularly relevant to fandom trends. Which is fine, because I've always written the stuff I wanted to, regardless of whether it was a ship of five fics or five thousand, but that doesn't stop the wave of "Oh, I don't belong here" when everyone is squeeing about stuff I'm not into? (Again, I recognize that this is NOT TRUE and exists only in my brain. I really want people to do what make them happy, even if it's something I have zero interest in.) And I think part of what's feeding into that is not really having posted any new fic in the month of April until last week, but the longer I go without writing, the harder it is to convince my brain that I CAN finish things and that it's worth it to try. idk idk idk. My creative brain and my crazy brain are frequently very closely linked.
The point being, hopefully a nice day when I already feel good from not being at work and having brunch, which be a good cure to getting words out a little more reliably.
***
And I have good weekend plans! More brunch! Free Comic Book Day! The Big Thrifty! Laundry! (That part is less exciting, but I'm hoping that by putting it there I will make myself be excited by it.) I also just got a call from my insurance company--apparently I owe some crazy co-pay that somehow slipped through the cracks, so I have to find time to call them and hash it out and decide if getting them to knock down some of it is worth the fight or if I just want to pay it and move on with my life.
But before any of that, coffee. It is our favorite barista's birthday today, so I made her a card. Also, I really need coffee and didn't eat any meals yesterday so...yes.