is this a news report or a trailer for a motion picture?
Hello, internet.
Long time no see, I know. I feel like my brain has been trying to process a lot of things lately and I hadn't wanted to write until I got them pinned down but, surprise, brains don't like being pinned down, so that didn't work out.
So it's been two weeks and things are just weirdly distressingly normal. Which is good, I guess, but...I feel very distant from the fear I felt at the time and I don't know if that's a sign of moving on with my life or a sign of repression. The whole thing feels very television and very unreal and I think, because of that, it's easy for my mind to sweep it up the same way it sweeps up scary movies and tuck it away somewhere else. I'll forget that it happened and then look up and see "Boston Strong" billboards on my way home and then comes the memory that, oh yes, there was bombs and grenades and people dying. In Boston.
I'm still trying to process it. Eventually I'm sure I'll give up and stuff it in the box with all my other unprocessed trauma. Yay.
(It really makes me glad there was no Twitter during 9/11, because that would have been....infinitely worse than this. By mid-afternoon Friday, I had @UniversalHub open in one tab and regular Twitter in the other and was just skimming tweets to get to the non-Boston related ones. I have never in my life gotten so much unsolicited advice as I did that day. I understand that people were just trying to help and were personalizing it to their experience by thinking of people they knew in the area (me) and trying to help however they could, but it was incredibly tense and frustrating to weed through so many people giving me their opinions on what was going on based on the (frequently incorrect) news reports they were watching. Guys, if awful things start happening in your city and I start doing this to you, please gently remind me to stop. And I'm sorry in advance. I think it's just human nature.)
idk. There's still a lot of stuff in my head about it. I don't know that I can or want to talk about it, so it's just there, floating around. We'll see what happens.
The one positive thing I will say is that I came out of all of this with a real sense of ownership of Boston and my time here. I don't know that it will ever be home home, but it is a home, at least for now, and I feel much more connected to the area than I ever have before.
***
So, what else has been going on? Not too much. I still haven't written up either of the plays I saw three weeks ago. Bomb Girls S2 ends tonight and it was cancelled and I had a lot of loud, teary feelings about that. Work is still work -- I don't like my job, but I do it every day, or at least go and sit at my desk and fill the hours with being on tumblr and trying to look busy.
I was considering doing another "madness" style round of secret_mutant as a kind of "christmas in july" (but named more appropriately), but that might be a pipe dream and I don't know that anyone would be into it. X-Men Remix is happening and I already took on a pinch-hit, so the sum total of stories I HAVE to write is now 2 and the sum total of stories I would LIKE to write is 6. We'll see what happens.
Margaret and I are going to see Iron Man on Thursday evening. Becca and I recently watched all the Scream movies again, back to back. Naomi came over on Saturday and made us finally watch Inception. I am doing slightly better with tumblr this time than I did the last couple times I attempted it. More strictly controlling my follow list is helping, as is employing tumblr savior to get rid of most of the stuff that pisses me off, although there are some things that continue to slip through the cracks (I swear I'm blocking every alpha/omega tag I can think of and it STILL shows up) and it's impossible to block stupidity and misogyny as a whole.
I think that it is from me for now. I'm going to go and try and write a thing and drink some more coffee and text that picture of Anne-Marie wearing McAvoy's jacket to pearl_o.
How are you, internet?
Long time no see, I know. I feel like my brain has been trying to process a lot of things lately and I hadn't wanted to write until I got them pinned down but, surprise, brains don't like being pinned down, so that didn't work out.
So it's been two weeks and things are just weirdly distressingly normal. Which is good, I guess, but...I feel very distant from the fear I felt at the time and I don't know if that's a sign of moving on with my life or a sign of repression. The whole thing feels very television and very unreal and I think, because of that, it's easy for my mind to sweep it up the same way it sweeps up scary movies and tuck it away somewhere else. I'll forget that it happened and then look up and see "Boston Strong" billboards on my way home and then comes the memory that, oh yes, there was bombs and grenades and people dying. In Boston.
I'm still trying to process it. Eventually I'm sure I'll give up and stuff it in the box with all my other unprocessed trauma. Yay.
(It really makes me glad there was no Twitter during 9/11, because that would have been....infinitely worse than this. By mid-afternoon Friday, I had @UniversalHub open in one tab and regular Twitter in the other and was just skimming tweets to get to the non-Boston related ones. I have never in my life gotten so much unsolicited advice as I did that day. I understand that people were just trying to help and were personalizing it to their experience by thinking of people they knew in the area (me) and trying to help however they could, but it was incredibly tense and frustrating to weed through so many people giving me their opinions on what was going on based on the (frequently incorrect) news reports they were watching. Guys, if awful things start happening in your city and I start doing this to you, please gently remind me to stop. And I'm sorry in advance. I think it's just human nature.)
idk. There's still a lot of stuff in my head about it. I don't know that I can or want to talk about it, so it's just there, floating around. We'll see what happens.
The one positive thing I will say is that I came out of all of this with a real sense of ownership of Boston and my time here. I don't know that it will ever be home home, but it is a home, at least for now, and I feel much more connected to the area than I ever have before.
***
So, what else has been going on? Not too much. I still haven't written up either of the plays I saw three weeks ago. Bomb Girls S2 ends tonight and it was cancelled and I had a lot of loud, teary feelings about that. Work is still work -- I don't like my job, but I do it every day, or at least go and sit at my desk and fill the hours with being on tumblr and trying to look busy.
I was considering doing another "madness" style round of secret_mutant as a kind of "christmas in july" (but named more appropriately), but that might be a pipe dream and I don't know that anyone would be into it. X-Men Remix is happening and I already took on a pinch-hit, so the sum total of stories I HAVE to write is now 2 and the sum total of stories I would LIKE to write is 6. We'll see what happens.
Margaret and I are going to see Iron Man on Thursday evening. Becca and I recently watched all the Scream movies again, back to back. Naomi came over on Saturday and made us finally watch Inception. I am doing slightly better with tumblr this time than I did the last couple times I attempted it. More strictly controlling my follow list is helping, as is employing tumblr savior to get rid of most of the stuff that pisses me off, although there are some things that continue to slip through the cracks (I swear I'm blocking every alpha/omega tag I can think of and it STILL shows up) and it's impossible to block stupidity and misogyny as a whole.
I think that it is from me for now. I'm going to go and try and write a thing and drink some more coffee and text that picture of Anne-Marie wearing McAvoy's jacket to pearl_o.
How are you, internet?