every time i write about dar i think, "i should have a dar icon," and i thought i made one, but no
Fun story.
Hello there, internet.
January was January, but, man, February is already giving January a run for its money. I am pretty tired and pretty miserable and pretty sad. Some of that might just be Monday. We'll see.
***
I took Friday off and it was awesome. I know this sounds crazy, but the best thing ever is waking up at 6am when my alarm goes off and being able to roll over and go back to sleep just after. I think I like it even better than just sleeping for twelve hours straight.
I didn't really do anything, which is fine. I took down Christmas and sorted through some paperwork and watched The Avengers for the first time since it was in theatres and tried and failed to get YouTube to work on The Devil's Blu-Ray player. I did a teeny tiny bit of writing. When Becca got home, we finished S2 of The Hour. It was just as emotionally wrenching as Becca warned me it would be. And I still want all of Sissy's clothes and also all of Marnie's clothes and MARNIE. Holy crap. I remember Becca saying, back when it aired, that S2 Marnie had her shit together, but OH MAN. I just wanted to draw little hearts around her.
(Around everyone, really. Except maybe Hector, although he did the right thing when it counted.)
Then we watched the new Bomb Girls, which might as well have been called, "Questionable Life Choices: Starring Everyone But Vera." (Also, we are super into the idea of Marco being bros with everyone.)
So, let's see, then Saturday we went grocery shopping and saw Dar Williams.
This probably deserves to be its own entry, but...whatever.
Dar Williams, as a human being I've never met, is incredibly special to me. Her music has been a constant in my life since middle school, and she has a song for every mood and state of mind I could possibly be in. She can tell a story in a song way better than I can tell one in fifty thousand words. I have a lot of emotions and personal crap tied up in her music and seeing her live and all sorts of things.
I'm start to fear that she's cursed for me, though. The last...five? shows of hers I've been to, one or all of my company has cancelled on me. Which sucks. Luckily, this time Becca stepped in, more because she loves me than because she loves Dar (although she does appreciate Dar's music a few steps removed from my emotional whirlwind) and it was a nice show. Not the best I've been to, not the worst, nor particularly stand-out at all except that as we were elbowing our way through the little old ladies in the crowd to use the restroom before we left, we walked right by Dar and I nearly had a coronary.
(She is super tiny, which I think I intellectually knew, but in my head she's giant and filled with the weight of fifteen years of adoration and respect.)
So, I joke all the time that there are people who I love so much that I'm honestly afraid I might puke on their shoes in their presence. It's a weird mix of people--children's book authors and actors from cult scifi teevee shows and none of the people you'd really expect (I wouldn't, for instance, be afraid of McAvoy. I might be afraid of Anne-Marie.), but Dar is totally one of them and this is maybe the third or so show that I've been to with Becca where, at the end, she's said, "You should talk to her."
Because I've had all this LOVE in my heart for fifteen years and I've never actually expressed it before. I've never actually spoken to this woman. And it's not like she's unapproachable--she almost always hangs out after shows signing things and talking to people. This isn't someone who's hustled back onto a bus by security after a stadium show. This is someone who plays converted firehouses and outdoor folk festivals and coffeehouses full of college students. But, you know, I've just never really been able to articulate it before. It's a lot of pressure, pressure that mixes (as Becca aptly pointed out) with the fear that she's already bored with me and I'm wasting all her time and there are people who are more important that I'm keeping her from and I sound like an idiot, etc.
The point to all of this being that Becca wants me to write a letter, and after tweeting about it, the internet seems to agree. And that feels very fifteen years old, but I think I would like to get a letter from someone telling me that they think I'm great. And Dar, I think, is enough of a crazy hippie to be into it.
(As Becca and Renata have pointed out, Dar is probably the person who would take me vomiting my feelings best of any of the people on the "Kait's scared to meet" list. She would totally understand that sometimes you just have these sort of reactions and it's okay, it just means you have a lot of love inside, and she probably wouldn't even wash her shoes off until after she hugged me and I verbally spewed feelings at her for a while.)
Anyway, so that's all a lot of backstory for me writing a stupid letter about my feelings. Here's the set list:
Dar Williams, The Center for the Arts Natick, 2-2-13
The Light and the Sea
The Beauty of the Rain
This Earth
I Am the One Who Will Remember Everything
If I Wrote You
Are You Out There
You're Aging Well
Summer Child
I Have Been Around the World
The Babysitter
As Cool As I Am
After All
The Mercy of the Fallen
The Book of Love
Storm King
If I Had A Hammer
February
Listening to Dar talk about her songs is always worth the price of admission. I know most of these stories well enough that I can predict what song she's going to sing within a sentence or so, but the great thing about all of her songs is that there are usually a bunch of different strings that come together to form a complete song, so you get to hear lots of different stories. "Summer Child," for instance, is about a camp she and her friends/neighbors started for their sons after reading about a similar group that moms made for a group of girls in CA. But it's also about Demeter and Persephone, and about how, when she decided to write a song about them for her Greek mythology album, her first instinct was to focus on the anger and despair and the winter, but then thought instead how wonderful and beautiful and happy the summers with Persephone must have been and chose to go that route instead.
I also like how self-deprecating her stories can be. She walks this line where she's a total hippie, but she's also aware that she's a total hippie and that despite her passion for composting and folk music and living from the land, she's also a fan of modern conveniences and there's not necessarily anything wrong with that. She tells this story about a song she wrote for/about her husband, where she explains that when she was young and just starting out she would visit all these great communities, but ultimately would get on a plane and fly to the next community. And she told her therapist, "I feel like my home is in my heart, so I don't really need physical things" and her therapist flat out said, "Well, no, that's wrong. I mean, that's nice and all, but you should probably, you know, get some things and a place to keep them, too."
Anyway, the point being, I love listening to her tell stories almost as much as I love listening to her sing songs.
She said that "After All," "Mercy of the Fallen," and "The Book of Love" have turned into a sort of triptych about finding your own way in the world, and I really that idea. "After All" is about struggling with Depression, "Mercy of the Fallen" is about taking wisdom and advice from the world weary because they've been there before, and "The Book of Love" is about being happy with yourself, even if you're alone. So it totally makes sense. And I love it.
I thought I had more to say. Um, before "If I Had a Hammer," she told a story about how she was teaching a class called "Music Movements in a Capitalist Democracy" and Becca and I couldn't stop laughing because OF COURSE Dar Williams taught a class called "Music Movements in a Capitalist Democracy."
Anyway, mostly she was lovely and great and lovely and now I have to write a letter.
***
Okay, basically my whole work day has happened now. I hope you guys are doing okay. I think I am going to go to the sporting good store now because, as I said above, my mental health is crap and my TMJ is out of control and I think I need a new/better mouthguard.
Hello there, internet.
January was January, but, man, February is already giving January a run for its money. I am pretty tired and pretty miserable and pretty sad. Some of that might just be Monday. We'll see.
***
I took Friday off and it was awesome. I know this sounds crazy, but the best thing ever is waking up at 6am when my alarm goes off and being able to roll over and go back to sleep just after. I think I like it even better than just sleeping for twelve hours straight.
I didn't really do anything, which is fine. I took down Christmas and sorted through some paperwork and watched The Avengers for the first time since it was in theatres and tried and failed to get YouTube to work on The Devil's Blu-Ray player. I did a teeny tiny bit of writing. When Becca got home, we finished S2 of The Hour. It was just as emotionally wrenching as Becca warned me it would be. And I still want all of Sissy's clothes and also all of Marnie's clothes and MARNIE. Holy crap. I remember Becca saying, back when it aired, that S2 Marnie had her shit together, but OH MAN. I just wanted to draw little hearts around her.
(Around everyone, really. Except maybe Hector, although he did the right thing when it counted.)
Then we watched the new Bomb Girls, which might as well have been called, "Questionable Life Choices: Starring Everyone But Vera." (Also, we are super into the idea of Marco being bros with everyone.)
So, let's see, then Saturday we went grocery shopping and saw Dar Williams.
This probably deserves to be its own entry, but...whatever.
Dar Williams, as a human being I've never met, is incredibly special to me. Her music has been a constant in my life since middle school, and she has a song for every mood and state of mind I could possibly be in. She can tell a story in a song way better than I can tell one in fifty thousand words. I have a lot of emotions and personal crap tied up in her music and seeing her live and all sorts of things.
I'm start to fear that she's cursed for me, though. The last...five? shows of hers I've been to, one or all of my company has cancelled on me. Which sucks. Luckily, this time Becca stepped in, more because she loves me than because she loves Dar (although she does appreciate Dar's music a few steps removed from my emotional whirlwind) and it was a nice show. Not the best I've been to, not the worst, nor particularly stand-out at all except that as we were elbowing our way through the little old ladies in the crowd to use the restroom before we left, we walked right by Dar and I nearly had a coronary.
(She is super tiny, which I think I intellectually knew, but in my head she's giant and filled with the weight of fifteen years of adoration and respect.)
So, I joke all the time that there are people who I love so much that I'm honestly afraid I might puke on their shoes in their presence. It's a weird mix of people--children's book authors and actors from cult scifi teevee shows and none of the people you'd really expect (I wouldn't, for instance, be afraid of McAvoy. I might be afraid of Anne-Marie.), but Dar is totally one of them and this is maybe the third or so show that I've been to with Becca where, at the end, she's said, "You should talk to her."
Because I've had all this LOVE in my heart for fifteen years and I've never actually expressed it before. I've never actually spoken to this woman. And it's not like she's unapproachable--she almost always hangs out after shows signing things and talking to people. This isn't someone who's hustled back onto a bus by security after a stadium show. This is someone who plays converted firehouses and outdoor folk festivals and coffeehouses full of college students. But, you know, I've just never really been able to articulate it before. It's a lot of pressure, pressure that mixes (as Becca aptly pointed out) with the fear that she's already bored with me and I'm wasting all her time and there are people who are more important that I'm keeping her from and I sound like an idiot, etc.
The point to all of this being that Becca wants me to write a letter, and after tweeting about it, the internet seems to agree. And that feels very fifteen years old, but I think I would like to get a letter from someone telling me that they think I'm great. And Dar, I think, is enough of a crazy hippie to be into it.
(As Becca and Renata have pointed out, Dar is probably the person who would take me vomiting my feelings best of any of the people on the "Kait's scared to meet" list. She would totally understand that sometimes you just have these sort of reactions and it's okay, it just means you have a lot of love inside, and she probably wouldn't even wash her shoes off until after she hugged me and I verbally spewed feelings at her for a while.)
Anyway, so that's all a lot of backstory for me writing a stupid letter about my feelings. Here's the set list:
Dar Williams, The Center for the Arts Natick, 2-2-13
The Light and the Sea
The Beauty of the Rain
This Earth
I Am the One Who Will Remember Everything
If I Wrote You
Are You Out There
You're Aging Well
Summer Child
I Have Been Around the World
The Babysitter
As Cool As I Am
After All
The Mercy of the Fallen
The Book of Love
Storm King
If I Had A Hammer
February
Listening to Dar talk about her songs is always worth the price of admission. I know most of these stories well enough that I can predict what song she's going to sing within a sentence or so, but the great thing about all of her songs is that there are usually a bunch of different strings that come together to form a complete song, so you get to hear lots of different stories. "Summer Child," for instance, is about a camp she and her friends/neighbors started for their sons after reading about a similar group that moms made for a group of girls in CA. But it's also about Demeter and Persephone, and about how, when she decided to write a song about them for her Greek mythology album, her first instinct was to focus on the anger and despair and the winter, but then thought instead how wonderful and beautiful and happy the summers with Persephone must have been and chose to go that route instead.
I also like how self-deprecating her stories can be. She walks this line where she's a total hippie, but she's also aware that she's a total hippie and that despite her passion for composting and folk music and living from the land, she's also a fan of modern conveniences and there's not necessarily anything wrong with that. She tells this story about a song she wrote for/about her husband, where she explains that when she was young and just starting out she would visit all these great communities, but ultimately would get on a plane and fly to the next community. And she told her therapist, "I feel like my home is in my heart, so I don't really need physical things" and her therapist flat out said, "Well, no, that's wrong. I mean, that's nice and all, but you should probably, you know, get some things and a place to keep them, too."
Anyway, the point being, I love listening to her tell stories almost as much as I love listening to her sing songs.
She said that "After All," "Mercy of the Fallen," and "The Book of Love" have turned into a sort of triptych about finding your own way in the world, and I really that idea. "After All" is about struggling with Depression, "Mercy of the Fallen" is about taking wisdom and advice from the world weary because they've been there before, and "The Book of Love" is about being happy with yourself, even if you're alone. So it totally makes sense. And I love it.
I thought I had more to say. Um, before "If I Had a Hammer," she told a story about how she was teaching a class called "Music Movements in a Capitalist Democracy" and Becca and I couldn't stop laughing because OF COURSE Dar Williams taught a class called "Music Movements in a Capitalist Democracy."
Anyway, mostly she was lovely and great and lovely and now I have to write a letter.
***
Okay, basically my whole work day has happened now. I hope you guys are doing okay. I think I am going to go to the sporting good store now because, as I said above, my mental health is crap and my TMJ is out of control and I think I need a new/better mouthguard.