mixed emotions
Here is a song:
Dar Williams - You're Aging Well
Why is it that as we grow older and stronger
the road signs point us adrift and make us afraid
saying "You never can win," "Watch your back," "Where's your husband?"
Oh, I don't like the signs that the signmakers made.
So I'm going to steal out with my paint and my brushes.
I'll change the directions, I'll hit every street.
It's the Tinseltown scandal, the Robin Hood vandal,
she goes out and steals the King's English,
and in the morning you wake up and the signs point to you.
They say,
"I'm so glad that you finally made it here,"
"You thought nobody cared, but I did, I could tell,"
and "This is your year," and "It always starts here,"
and, oh, "You're aging well."
***
I would like to point out that Sherlock has been around for two episodes and there is already eating disorder fic. I always know I can count on fandom for the important shit, guys.
***
Pretty much all of my favorite musicians are conspiring to make me poor. Last week, metonymy was like, "Ingrid Michaelson is playing in town!" And mcwonthelottery is busy that weekend, but I immediately tweeted her to tell her I would be all over that shit, could she get me a ticket. And she did! And then mcwonthelottery was like, "Do you want to see Amanda Palmer in Cabaret?" and I figured, "Why not?"
And then, I swear to god guys, in the space of a week Matt Hires, The Weepies, and Dar all announced Boston-area tour dates. I want to tear my hair out. I am holding off buying tickets to anything else until I see what my money situation is going to be like, but it is killing me inside. Why oh why do they all feel the need to tour at the same time when I am unsure of my financial future? Life is hard when you like live music!
***
Today has been kind of a roller coaster for a lot of reasons. Second to last day, saying goodbye to a bunch of people, including two of my favorite coworkers... I don't know, guys. I was okay when I was saying goodbye, but I got a little teary when I was driving home, and then I got home and went on the internet and, as usual, the internet succeeded in making me upset. It is just ONE OF THOSE THINGS.
I am, for the most part, not reading any entry that references "Torchwood" at the moment. As I said to solsticezero, either I'll become desensitized to the idea of S4, I'll become super adept at ignoring it, or I'll take a fandom hiatus, but for the moment, scrolling is all I can handle. I don't want to cut myself off from everyone, but I'm also kind of tired of being judged, even if it's not directly or intentionally, or really happening at all except for in my head. It's a sort of perpetual thing--I've never sat at the cool kids' table, I've never really wanted to, per se, but even twelve years out of middle school and seven out of high school and I still can't shake the constant paranoia that people are laughing at me when I'm not looking. And, I mean, this isn't a plea to elicit reassurances. I am 100% aware that I am paranoid and crazy. But knowing in my head and believing are two different things.
Anyway. I still love you guys. I am just not happy about something that you are happy about. It happens.
***
Okay, it's late. I'm going to finish responding to comments on my tardis_bigbang (I can't frigging believe that eleven whole people read this stupid thing. ELEVEN WHOLE PEOPLE. I'm frankly kind of amazed.) and then go to bed. Tomorrow is MY LAST DAY AT THE BOOKSTORE. What even, internet? What even!
Dar Williams - You're Aging Well
Why is it that as we grow older and stronger
the road signs point us adrift and make us afraid
saying "You never can win," "Watch your back," "Where's your husband?"
Oh, I don't like the signs that the signmakers made.
So I'm going to steal out with my paint and my brushes.
I'll change the directions, I'll hit every street.
It's the Tinseltown scandal, the Robin Hood vandal,
she goes out and steals the King's English,
and in the morning you wake up and the signs point to you.
They say,
"I'm so glad that you finally made it here,"
"You thought nobody cared, but I did, I could tell,"
and "This is your year," and "It always starts here,"
and, oh, "You're aging well."
***
I would like to point out that Sherlock has been around for two episodes and there is already eating disorder fic. I always know I can count on fandom for the important shit, guys.
***
Pretty much all of my favorite musicians are conspiring to make me poor. Last week, metonymy was like, "Ingrid Michaelson is playing in town!" And mcwonthelottery is busy that weekend, but I immediately tweeted her to tell her I would be all over that shit, could she get me a ticket. And she did! And then mcwonthelottery was like, "Do you want to see Amanda Palmer in Cabaret?" and I figured, "Why not?"
And then, I swear to god guys, in the space of a week Matt Hires, The Weepies, and Dar all announced Boston-area tour dates. I want to tear my hair out. I am holding off buying tickets to anything else until I see what my money situation is going to be like, but it is killing me inside. Why oh why do they all feel the need to tour at the same time when I am unsure of my financial future? Life is hard when you like live music!
***
Today has been kind of a roller coaster for a lot of reasons. Second to last day, saying goodbye to a bunch of people, including two of my favorite coworkers... I don't know, guys. I was okay when I was saying goodbye, but I got a little teary when I was driving home, and then I got home and went on the internet and, as usual, the internet succeeded in making me upset. It is just ONE OF THOSE THINGS.
I am, for the most part, not reading any entry that references "Torchwood" at the moment. As I said to solsticezero, either I'll become desensitized to the idea of S4, I'll become super adept at ignoring it, or I'll take a fandom hiatus, but for the moment, scrolling is all I can handle. I don't want to cut myself off from everyone, but I'm also kind of tired of being judged, even if it's not directly or intentionally, or really happening at all except for in my head. It's a sort of perpetual thing--I've never sat at the cool kids' table, I've never really wanted to, per se, but even twelve years out of middle school and seven out of high school and I still can't shake the constant paranoia that people are laughing at me when I'm not looking. And, I mean, this isn't a plea to elicit reassurances. I am 100% aware that I am paranoid and crazy. But knowing in my head and believing are two different things.
Anyway. I still love you guys. I am just not happy about something that you are happy about. It happens.
***
Okay, it's late. I'm going to finish responding to comments on my tardis_bigbang (I can't frigging believe that eleven whole people read this stupid thing. ELEVEN WHOLE PEOPLE. I'm frankly kind of amazed.) and then go to bed. Tomorrow is MY LAST DAY AT THE BOOKSTORE. What even, internet? What even!