And I've made up my mind / I ain't wastin' no more time
I said I would write one more post about my relationship with Carlos, and then I'm done - so here goes.
The one thing that has driven me crazy this last week was being alone. For the last bit of our time together, we almost always shared the same bed and if we didn't do that, we'd talk to each other on the phone until we were sleepy. I do miss holding him, I do miss him holding me, I do miss the random kisses in-between. I miss his voice. Since all that has been gone, I've been doing my best not to be alone, so I'd go out to the late hours of the night, and go home, too tired or drunk to realize I was sleeping alone.
I miss the way he looks at me, the wink and the smile I've always longed for. "Happy with a secret," I told him.
I miss his friends, his sister, his parents.
I miss calling him "My Man" and "My Lion."
I made him a mixed-CD with songs that reminded me of him. These weren't just random songs, these were also songs I've always loved. So I hate how I can't listen to those songs without my heart aching. It doesn't help that some phone company used Landon Pigg's "Coffee Shop" for one of their commercials. I've not been able to watch TV in fear that the commercial will play.
You could say, "Sure, Eric, you'll find all of this with some other guy, someone better!" but truth be told, it's Carlos I miss. And I hate the feeling of wanting one more gaze into his eyes, one more moment of holding hands, one more kiss... and knowing it's never gonna happen.
In reality, we weren't even together that long, and they say it takes half the time you were in love with someone to truly move on from him. What has gotten me through this is time. I'm always going to miss him, think fondly of him and am always going to look back at our relationship and remember how happy I was to be with him. But now I've got to move on. No more mopey Facebook/MySpace status updates, no more dwelling on everything he was for me and everything I wasn't for him.
Here I go again on my own / Goin' down the only road I've ever known / Like a drifter I was born to walk alone / And I've made up my mind / I ain't wastin' no more time.
The one thing that has driven me crazy this last week was being alone. For the last bit of our time together, we almost always shared the same bed and if we didn't do that, we'd talk to each other on the phone until we were sleepy. I do miss holding him, I do miss him holding me, I do miss the random kisses in-between. I miss his voice. Since all that has been gone, I've been doing my best not to be alone, so I'd go out to the late hours of the night, and go home, too tired or drunk to realize I was sleeping alone.
I miss the way he looks at me, the wink and the smile I've always longed for. "Happy with a secret," I told him.
I miss his friends, his sister, his parents.
I miss calling him "My Man" and "My Lion."
I made him a mixed-CD with songs that reminded me of him. These weren't just random songs, these were also songs I've always loved. So I hate how I can't listen to those songs without my heart aching. It doesn't help that some phone company used Landon Pigg's "Coffee Shop" for one of their commercials. I've not been able to watch TV in fear that the commercial will play.
You could say, "Sure, Eric, you'll find all of this with some other guy, someone better!" but truth be told, it's Carlos I miss. And I hate the feeling of wanting one more gaze into his eyes, one more moment of holding hands, one more kiss... and knowing it's never gonna happen.
In reality, we weren't even together that long, and they say it takes half the time you were in love with someone to truly move on from him. What has gotten me through this is time. I'm always going to miss him, think fondly of him and am always going to look back at our relationship and remember how happy I was to be with him. But now I've got to move on. No more mopey Facebook/MySpace status updates, no more dwelling on everything he was for me and everything I wasn't for him.
Here I go again on my own / Goin' down the only road I've ever known / Like a drifter I was born to walk alone / And I've made up my mind / I ain't wastin' no more time.