the way we look to a distant constellation
There's been a pattern to this for the last several years, ever since this LiveJournal stopped being my primary vehicle for expressing myself online. I come back here and make a post, I announce that I'm going to try and get back to some degree of regular posting, I carry out some degree of regular posting (sometimes not much), I fade away, a year or more passes. And for some reason that toggle in my head flips over and starts the cycle again.
Not the best way to run a circus. No point in launching a fresh manifesto. I'd rather just make a post and let it sit there.
Over a year ago, I moved out of my Mom's house to my current apartment in Pacific Grove. Living in this situation can be quite a challenge, and I'm not going to go into that right now. It's much better than my previous situation, though.
The location is wonderful. Most of the places I want to go are within the radius of a ten minute walk, including the theatre where I've been acting in plays, the hall where I do ecstatic dance, a coffeehouse where I read poetry at Open Mics, the Pacific Grove Library, two parks, an indie cinema, two good grocery stores, an art supply store, a really good copy shop, and the best laundromat in town. Also, it's a very reasonable half-hour walk to the nexus of downtown Monterey with two other Open Mics and a variety of other interesting places. As long as I continue to be able to walk, this is a spot that should work well for me.
And the ocean is just down the hill from my apartment. I mean, really, really close! Thirty seconds from my front door. I can hear the waves when I open my window. As someone who grew up on Cape Cod, regularly going to the beach, and then had to forgo the sea for a looooong time, it's most therapeutic to be next to it.
(I'm still not ready to put my body in the water, but that's an issue that's going to take a long time to work through.)
And here! This is me acting in plays! In chronological order:
me, far right, as a secretary in "9 to 5: The Musical"
me, center, as the Third Weird Sister in "Macbeth"
me, center, as the Cappadocian in "Salome"
me, just me, as Noblewoman #1 in "Dangerous Liaisons"
me, left, as Anemone the mermaid in "Pan"
...and we're all caught up on my three seasons of live theatre.
The one other thing I wanted to mention is that Pacific Grove is a very safe place to live, and that makes a difference, especially since I'm walking everywhere. It's small and mostly white and middle-to-upper-class and culturally homogeneous, and makes me miss the diversity of some of the other places I've lived. But the culture here is one I can get along with. Other than being trans, I'm privileged enough to be more or less the sort of person they like to have around in this town, and people tend to be friendly towards me. The one time I've been harassed was by a group of skater kids, which could have happened almost anywhere, and they didn't put much effort into it. I crossed paths with them later that same afternoon, and they didn't say anything else. I walk around town at night and don't feel worried, whereas back in Salinas, even before I transitioned there were plenty of places I wouldn't walk through after dark. What I'm trying to say is that this town is an environment which is emotionally good for me, in addition to the various practical factors. And I'm grateful for that.
And there's more to say, several metric tons worth, and I'm too tired to say it now. And I'm not going to promise that I'll be saying more soon, because let's face it... who knows?
But I hope I do.
Not the best way to run a circus. No point in launching a fresh manifesto. I'd rather just make a post and let it sit there.
Over a year ago, I moved out of my Mom's house to my current apartment in Pacific Grove. Living in this situation can be quite a challenge, and I'm not going to go into that right now. It's much better than my previous situation, though.
The location is wonderful. Most of the places I want to go are within the radius of a ten minute walk, including the theatre where I've been acting in plays, the hall where I do ecstatic dance, a coffeehouse where I read poetry at Open Mics, the Pacific Grove Library, two parks, an indie cinema, two good grocery stores, an art supply store, a really good copy shop, and the best laundromat in town. Also, it's a very reasonable half-hour walk to the nexus of downtown Monterey with two other Open Mics and a variety of other interesting places. As long as I continue to be able to walk, this is a spot that should work well for me.
And the ocean is just down the hill from my apartment. I mean, really, really close! Thirty seconds from my front door. I can hear the waves when I open my window. As someone who grew up on Cape Cod, regularly going to the beach, and then had to forgo the sea for a looooong time, it's most therapeutic to be next to it.
(I'm still not ready to put my body in the water, but that's an issue that's going to take a long time to work through.)
And here! This is me acting in plays! In chronological order:
me, far right, as a secretary in "9 to 5: The Musical"
me, center, as the Third Weird Sister in "Macbeth"
me, center, as the Cappadocian in "Salome"
me, just me, as Noblewoman #1 in "Dangerous Liaisons"
me, left, as Anemone the mermaid in "Pan"
...and we're all caught up on my three seasons of live theatre.
The one other thing I wanted to mention is that Pacific Grove is a very safe place to live, and that makes a difference, especially since I'm walking everywhere. It's small and mostly white and middle-to-upper-class and culturally homogeneous, and makes me miss the diversity of some of the other places I've lived. But the culture here is one I can get along with. Other than being trans, I'm privileged enough to be more or less the sort of person they like to have around in this town, and people tend to be friendly towards me. The one time I've been harassed was by a group of skater kids, which could have happened almost anywhere, and they didn't put much effort into it. I crossed paths with them later that same afternoon, and they didn't say anything else. I walk around town at night and don't feel worried, whereas back in Salinas, even before I transitioned there were plenty of places I wouldn't walk through after dark. What I'm trying to say is that this town is an environment which is emotionally good for me, in addition to the various practical factors. And I'm grateful for that.
And there's more to say, several metric tons worth, and I'm too tired to say it now. And I'm not going to promise that I'll be saying more soon, because let's face it... who knows?
But I hope I do.