a million and one ain't no time to get it wrong
So, it's been more than a year and a half(!) since my last LJ entry. I've been checking in regularly. And even, very rarely, making a comment here or there. But no new entries from me.
The depression chugs on, and it's a challenge to focus my brain enough to write anything. Every now and then I've felt like making a serious journal entry. I've occasionally posted stuff on Facebook that's serious and about my life, but not often. And never anything lengthy. Even when I have the energy, it feels strange to try and make a lengthy post on Facebook.
In the past year I've made two actual journal entries. Both of them in an old spiral-bound notebook full of lined paper that I keep in my room. Both of them on the spur of the moment, because the frustration came boiling out and had to go somewhere, and I didn't want to think about what it would look like, about whether my choice of words was appropriate or whether my sentences were well-constructed. That was about two months ago. That was when I remembered that regular journalling is good for my emotional health. And that led me to realize it would be a good idea to get back to this LiveJournal.
The depression rolls on, and it influences every part of my life, but I want this first new entry to reflect something positive. Here's a summary of stuff I can feel glad about:
-- It's been more than six years since the last time I was hospitalized for my bipolar shit. I've stayed on my meds and had no more manic episodes. Every time a situation has felt overwhelming, I've managed to make it through.
-- I've been living as female full-time for more than three years. I don't know how much more than three years. At some point I asked myself, "When was the last time I went out in boy mode?" and the only answer I could come up with was, "Um, it's been a while."
-- I've written a few new poems recently and performed them at an Open Mic. And two decades after the last time I acted in a play, I've gotten involved in the theater again. Being in a show is exhausting, and I'm honestly not sure how I've managed to pull it off. Still, so far, so good.
Aaaaand there's other stuff to talk about, maybe not as upbeat... so maybe it'll keep 'til next time.
The depression chugs on, and it's a challenge to focus my brain enough to write anything. Every now and then I've felt like making a serious journal entry. I've occasionally posted stuff on Facebook that's serious and about my life, but not often. And never anything lengthy. Even when I have the energy, it feels strange to try and make a lengthy post on Facebook.
In the past year I've made two actual journal entries. Both of them in an old spiral-bound notebook full of lined paper that I keep in my room. Both of them on the spur of the moment, because the frustration came boiling out and had to go somewhere, and I didn't want to think about what it would look like, about whether my choice of words was appropriate or whether my sentences were well-constructed. That was about two months ago. That was when I remembered that regular journalling is good for my emotional health. And that led me to realize it would be a good idea to get back to this LiveJournal.
The depression rolls on, and it influences every part of my life, but I want this first new entry to reflect something positive. Here's a summary of stuff I can feel glad about:
-- It's been more than six years since the last time I was hospitalized for my bipolar shit. I've stayed on my meds and had no more manic episodes. Every time a situation has felt overwhelming, I've managed to make it through.
-- I've been living as female full-time for more than three years. I don't know how much more than three years. At some point I asked myself, "When was the last time I went out in boy mode?" and the only answer I could come up with was, "Um, it's been a while."
-- I've written a few new poems recently and performed them at an Open Mic. And two decades after the last time I acted in a play, I've gotten involved in the theater again. Being in a show is exhausting, and I'm honestly not sure how I've managed to pull it off. Still, so far, so good.
Aaaaand there's other stuff to talk about, maybe not as upbeat... so maybe it'll keep 'til next time.