im such a drag
the most exciting part of life right is its undying changing and unpredictable ways. ive always been reallly good at guessing what might be happening. and for the first time in a long time its not doing any of those things. makes it really exciting but really annoying at the same time. it keeps on growing so uncontrollably and it is beging to decapitate the growth of my thoughts. i cant go on this way. im too in something with someone at way to early of a stage in life. i always assumed things would be diff. when it came down to things but i cant win. other people want me and i have no desire for them. i cant remember the last time i felt this way. its like the first time i fell in love. it did not turn out good the first time. it started a spiral of things that i didnt like. the only difference now is that this time im spiraling into control. all i want to do is the right things for me. keep me busy like that . hope someone something out there might see the real light that shines from my soul into my eyes when i look at things. not sleeping because of someones is so wrong. thinking all the wrong things out of my insecuirites isnt right either. i have a fear which i have not felt ina long time. and it scares the crap out of me.ill win the battle like i always do but at what cost. not trusting people and things isnt exactly what i like to call winninng. when did sleeping around to make yourself feel better lose its interest.i dont get anything right now but im sure i will so ill just keep on moving foward till i can make sense of all of this.