Aug 02, 2008 14:40
so last night was kind of insane. i left the bar with the person im not supposed to. and it was not easy. we talked and kind of kissedi guess. the weird thing about was that i never noticed the only thing that would make me want this person is my own insecurities. and she knew how to tear them apart . i feel like such a dick. all because this one little person either doesnt want to see how amazing i am. or wont accept it to herself. which is okay . cause i dont blame her too young to be in soemthing so serious. and im a serious person when it comes to relationships. i hate sleeping around. which makes it so much easier to get offers to. the fact is though no matter what i wont win. but it does matter how i pause the war.and i think thats what makes everything so okay. i want to be okay with myself at the end of this. i want to know that i did the right thingk no matter what.i have something pure but it when it comes back to me it wont be. and thats so disturbing.she said she doesnt want to be with me. when i know she does. so how do i do what i do.just let it be is all i can think of right now . and i guess thats my lesson right there.