jet city woman.
Since I've been off medication, my moods go back and forth like a metronome running out of its D-cell batteries. I have realized that my daydreams reflect which mood I'm in: when I'm really depressed and have little faith in my future, I dream of going back to Austin, where people could take care of me and I could shirk responsibility. That was Monday.
On Tuesday, I was still kind of depressed but a lot more physically healthy and optimistic - believing I had some redemption left in me, or future personal capital to spend - so I spent the evening researching Melbourne and Auckland. Postulating a future in a far-off land where I would love people and people would love me, my parting thoughts as I fell asleep were filled with ideas of flinging myself as far away from my life as I know it.
Yesterday, I was feeling even better about my personal situation, thinking I could join a gym, buy a keyboard, make friends, get moving on with life, and I fell asleep at 9PM doing laundry.
Today, I look back on Monday-Wednesday and realize how fickle, unresolute and flighty I am, that I can't even come up with one thing to stick with throughout the week? I vow to leave Seattle, to give it a chance, to give it a year, to give it a month, and the wavering has started to annoy me.
Do any of you have problems with making decisions in life? Or worse, like me, have problems knowing what you want? I'm still a 12-year-old insofar as I want to be a rock star, a consumer science advocate, a TV producer, a famous movie director, and a travel writer. Maybe I should "quit dreaming and get off the beam"?
On Tuesday, I was still kind of depressed but a lot more physically healthy and optimistic - believing I had some redemption left in me, or future personal capital to spend - so I spent the evening researching Melbourne and Auckland. Postulating a future in a far-off land where I would love people and people would love me, my parting thoughts as I fell asleep were filled with ideas of flinging myself as far away from my life as I know it.
Yesterday, I was feeling even better about my personal situation, thinking I could join a gym, buy a keyboard, make friends, get moving on with life, and I fell asleep at 9PM doing laundry.
Today, I look back on Monday-Wednesday and realize how fickle, unresolute and flighty I am, that I can't even come up with one thing to stick with throughout the week? I vow to leave Seattle, to give it a chance, to give it a year, to give it a month, and the wavering has started to annoy me.
Do any of you have problems with making decisions in life? Or worse, like me, have problems knowing what you want? I'm still a 12-year-old insofar as I want to be a rock star, a consumer science advocate, a TV producer, a famous movie director, and a travel writer. Maybe I should "quit dreaming and get off the beam"?