(no subject)
Life goes great for one week, and then all hell breaks loose!!!
Why do bad things follow me around. I know life has its ups and downs but isnt it supposed to end up with more happy things than sad. Today was supposed to be the perfect day..I was doing great in class, getting all my homework done for the week so I can spend time with my friends, and to top it off I was going to a club with a group of my friends for a birthday party..This is all great. Until I saw the "1 missed call" on my cell phone. A name appeared on the front, a name I havent seen in over six months. A name that I had wished I would forget. It took me all this time to forget about him, to forget about the most happiest times in my life, to forget about the lies, to forget about the worst break-up of all time. I finally forgot about him, until today, just a few hours ago. All these emotions that I forgot, all of them came back to me as I checked my voicemail. I always thought that with the good comes the bad in the end. and I just recieved the bad.
*Key facts* Me and Gabe dated for about a year..we broke up like most of my relationships to him cheating on me. I remember the exact moment when he told me, the one person that I cared about, the only person I cared about, that he cheated on me, more than once. He came to my house in his jet black car. I thought something was wrong because he just sat there..didnt even get out of his car. I went over and sat on the passenger side. I knew something bad was about to happen. See for the past couple of months I had been dealing with a recent friend's death..I had taken pretty hard since he was a close friend of mine. Alan often hung out with me and Gabe..us three were inseperable. Since he died..it was hard for me to forget all the times we all shared together..I was reminded so much of the good as well as the bad when I was with Gabe. It made our relationship hard. But I thought things were okay. Gabe leaned over and told me that he cheated on me..more than once..or at least more than 10 times..with someone he refused to name. I thought that was a bit odd..on the account that I deserved to know. but I was too upset to even care.
After yelling and mostly crying for hours he left,he left me there and I never saw or heard from him again..He still sends me flowers for valentines day..I throw them away everytime. He left me a voicemail about 30 minutes ago..He said for some reason he thought of me, and that he was sorry for everything and that he knows why I took it so bad..it was because he cheated on me with a friend..Well this was news to me..I had no idea he cheated on me with a FRIEND!!!! a close friend as a matter of fact. Brandy!!! A friend that I called my cousin, my sister..I had known her since the third grade..hell I have known gabe since kindergarden. I text him..dont know why, but I did..He replyed in a matter of a few seconds..I told him that I was going to seville and that I wanted to know why he called me. His reply was that he wanted to me to meet his girlfriend..WTF!!! WHY? he was like I know that me dating Brandy is a big hit, but I really would like to be friends with you still. Hes dating brandy..Wow..thats nice isnt it. If you didnt know..this absolutley crushes me, my heart.
I got in my car, and for some reason I just started crying..I called Amir to see if everyone was at Bryans house just so I can go someplace..any place. They were at Seville..the one place i definelty didnt want to go..To make matters worse..Bryan calls me and was like you told me that you were gonna be here and blah, blah, blah..I felt bad because I had promised evryone that I was going..I alwsya have something to do everytime they want to go to Seville, and this time I promised..then hes all like "Are you scared of dancing.."WTF" I just needed to get off the phone with him..To think I thought talking to him would make me feel better..it only made things worse. So here I am at 11:22 while everyone is out partying it up..i feel like, I feel like..hell I dont have feelings anymore..The more I try and the more I try to make things right I always end up making things worse. For once, just once..I would love for a good day..not a great day..A good day would do just fine.
In the end..I'm still not over this..It will follow me for months to come, even though I will try to avoid it. No wonder why I have a hard time being myself. Its cause when I am myself and truly express myself..I always end up getting hurt like this. I'll never love again..never!
Why do bad things follow me around. I know life has its ups and downs but isnt it supposed to end up with more happy things than sad. Today was supposed to be the perfect day..I was doing great in class, getting all my homework done for the week so I can spend time with my friends, and to top it off I was going to a club with a group of my friends for a birthday party..This is all great. Until I saw the "1 missed call" on my cell phone. A name appeared on the front, a name I havent seen in over six months. A name that I had wished I would forget. It took me all this time to forget about him, to forget about the most happiest times in my life, to forget about the lies, to forget about the worst break-up of all time. I finally forgot about him, until today, just a few hours ago. All these emotions that I forgot, all of them came back to me as I checked my voicemail. I always thought that with the good comes the bad in the end. and I just recieved the bad.
*Key facts* Me and Gabe dated for about a year..we broke up like most of my relationships to him cheating on me. I remember the exact moment when he told me, the one person that I cared about, the only person I cared about, that he cheated on me, more than once. He came to my house in his jet black car. I thought something was wrong because he just sat there..didnt even get out of his car. I went over and sat on the passenger side. I knew something bad was about to happen. See for the past couple of months I had been dealing with a recent friend's death..I had taken pretty hard since he was a close friend of mine. Alan often hung out with me and Gabe..us three were inseperable. Since he died..it was hard for me to forget all the times we all shared together..I was reminded so much of the good as well as the bad when I was with Gabe. It made our relationship hard. But I thought things were okay. Gabe leaned over and told me that he cheated on me..more than once..or at least more than 10 times..with someone he refused to name. I thought that was a bit odd..on the account that I deserved to know. but I was too upset to even care.
After yelling and mostly crying for hours he left,he left me there and I never saw or heard from him again..He still sends me flowers for valentines day..I throw them away everytime. He left me a voicemail about 30 minutes ago..He said for some reason he thought of me, and that he was sorry for everything and that he knows why I took it so bad..it was because he cheated on me with a friend..Well this was news to me..I had no idea he cheated on me with a FRIEND!!!! a close friend as a matter of fact. Brandy!!! A friend that I called my cousin, my sister..I had known her since the third grade..hell I have known gabe since kindergarden. I text him..dont know why, but I did..He replyed in a matter of a few seconds..I told him that I was going to seville and that I wanted to know why he called me. His reply was that he wanted to me to meet his girlfriend..WTF!!! WHY? he was like I know that me dating Brandy is a big hit, but I really would like to be friends with you still. Hes dating brandy..Wow..thats nice isnt it. If you didnt know..this absolutley crushes me, my heart.
I got in my car, and for some reason I just started crying..I called Amir to see if everyone was at Bryans house just so I can go someplace..any place. They were at Seville..the one place i definelty didnt want to go..To make matters worse..Bryan calls me and was like you told me that you were gonna be here and blah, blah, blah..I felt bad because I had promised evryone that I was going..I alwsya have something to do everytime they want to go to Seville, and this time I promised..then hes all like "Are you scared of dancing.."WTF" I just needed to get off the phone with him..To think I thought talking to him would make me feel better..it only made things worse. So here I am at 11:22 while everyone is out partying it up..i feel like, I feel like..hell I dont have feelings anymore..The more I try and the more I try to make things right I always end up making things worse. For once, just once..I would love for a good day..not a great day..A good day would do just fine.
In the end..I'm still not over this..It will follow me for months to come, even though I will try to avoid it. No wonder why I have a hard time being myself. Its cause when I am myself and truly express myself..I always end up getting hurt like this. I'll never love again..never!