(no subject)
this is going to be an interesting entry. i have a lot on my mind and just need to vent. dont mind all the randomness...
People tell lies because they are afriad, afraid of what someone might think, afriad of what will happen, or afriad of causing pain. but ive learned that when you tell a lie the thing you fear just grows stronger. Life is to short to spend wasting time of lies and fear. life is to short to waste time on a lot of things as far as that goes. everyone makes mistakes, its a part of life. everyone says and does things that will hurt people they love, its a part of life. Im not saying that this makes it okay to do and say stupid things or make mistakes, but you cant dewl over it to long, because thats just wasting precious time that you really dont have to waste.
i would give anything to stay the age that i am right now. to be so young and have the opertunity to have whatever you want in life actually possible for the future. i wouldnt really know, since i havent been old yet, but i believe that everything is so much better when you are young. you appriciate going out with your friends, you get more trills out of doing things that are just a little risky, being in love is much more excting. when youa re young you get to experience everything first hand not knowing what to expect. i guess i just have the same wish as many many othe people, just to never really grow up.
am i the only one that knows what its like to be so discouraged that you just dont have anymore strength in you to try and put forth anymore? people just get run down from always trying that finially they just give up and do something stupid. and the stupid thing they did is considered way worse then anything that the other person ever did to discourage them. then you fill like you need to spend and give everything you have in you just to make everything up to this person who you hurt but no matter what you do it will never be perfect because everything time you do something little wrong it just sets you back even more and discourages you even more. and soon forgiveness just becomes to costy and you just cant afford it anymore.
what does someone have to do to make everything they have perfect? what is perfect anyways? i think perfect is living everyday day by day, and just taking and fixing everything that comes your way. when life kicks you in the butt kick it back and then fix it. you just shouldnt give up when you know perfect is just around the corner. perfect is different for everyone and every situation. liek for my dad life would be perfect for him as long as he could have a bed to sleep in, bills not to worry about and a couple days every month just to sit back and fish. for me life would be perfect if i didnt think so much, didnt fight with my dad as often and just had someone to share everything with and be with. i dont want a lot of money when im older, it just causes more complications, i dont want to be involved in everything, to much drama. i just want to have people i love in my life and be able to get what my family and i need. to me that will be perfect.
for the last four years all i ever thought about was how i want to be in love and married young and start a family. well its been four years and i have been through and learned a lot but today i decided that i am still really young. i have no idea of what i want. at this point in my life i just need to let everyday happen as it will and go with it. i have no idea where im getting at here so im just going to stop.
graduation is in 3 weeks. this is where life flys by. im not going to lie, im not going to miss high school. its to over rated, some parts of it are just pointless to me. just another part of life if you ask me. sure i'll miss certain things of high school, but nothing i cant live with out. a part of me really really wishes i was going away to school this fall.
i think im done rambling now... sorry i just needed to clear my mind. thanks.